Here we go again~ 18th anniversary of my blog url!

*looooooooong sigh*

Started the day with a very sad news. Haaah...

Oh yeah. It was also a day of getting to places with air-conditioners because that's a perfectly good reason to get out of the house...

Finally had the chance to go to the SPCA KK Charity Shop at Karamunsing. Purchased these three books for RM10:

There was a power outage few hours ago... 

"The Predator" was okay, I guess... I don't know why it felt like a parody though XD. The thing that appeared at the end was really cool.. kind of want to watch more of that but also don't want to at the same time. Still not a fan of seeing them in the cities (I prefer the wilderness - "Prey" looks good so far). 

...What. A. Day.

If this year is the final year of your life, what will you do with the remaining months before your death on Dec 31st?

Tumblr of the Day:

I finally published the draft post from 2012 that I mentioned in a post last month. It's here: "The Real Final Post of 2012".

I read yesterday that Kutner died in the latest episode of House!
Yeah, I read House Spoilers all the time.

Oh, gosh... AXN just reached Eps 5.. I wonder if I could bear to watch him now... (I will pay attention more to his character from now on...)

I really love Kutner!

I thought I wouldn't cry until I saw the episode myself. But, tears just came out naturally when I visited the FOX site (or here). I think it was really good that they want the audience to learn something about depression from Kutner's death.

It's interesting to note that Omar Epps' character in ER also committed suicide. His character was overworked (if I remember it correctly) and Benton and Carter's attitude just made it worst. Kutner's death, however, wasn't something you've expected to happen.



**Actually the reason his character was killed off is this. (Congrats, Kal Penn!)

I still can't believe that she's gone.

It's so surprising...

I find consolation in getting angry at the murderer(s)...

Blue has a new meaning.

I'm so hurt... and I confessed, I'm in an unforgiving state of mind.

I'M VERY ANGRY.


*smiles bitterly*
Two positive thing I've learnt from this incident...

My neighbourhood is evil.
Maybe it wasn't a blue Avanza after all.
Maybe the neighbour that informed us was the murderer.
Maybe it's a blue Avanza.
Our left and right neighbours are evil people. Evil creatures.
They smoke and they throw the cigarette into our lawn.
They want to kill my family... and our lungs.

People are naturally bad.
I know that I myself isn't a perfectly good person.
People are naturally bad.
Never assume someone is kind until you see their evil side.
People are naturally bad.





I miss my cat.
I'm very angry.
I'm in my cranky mood - I'll might not care what I'll say to you.
I'm in my sensitive mode. I'll burst out crying no matter when and where.

An excerpt from a post made in 2008
There might be people who wonder why death of a non-human could affect a human so much (My younger brother cried, no..., sobbed, because he saw the cat died during her last moments. He refused to go to school.) I guess, maybe it has something to do with familiarity. Something you already get used to see, touch, hear etc everyday suddenly is not there anymore. In short, we feel their absence because they were present in our life.

I can't sleep in my room these days. I will cry remembering that she was there.



I miss her so much.
I really, really miss her.

Today seems like a rough day for me. Everything I do weren't going on smoothly. Things falling as I clumsily went past them.

When I watched the re-run of last night's episode of "Ghost Whisperer" [The final episode of Season 2]... During a particular scene, I cried (Most of Ghost Whisperer's episodes will scare me in the first half and then make me cry in the second half, weird..I know. But this scene is in the first half.) uncontrollably for 5 seconds. It wasn't really a tearjerking scene that's why I'm kind of surprised.

As my sister arrived at 2.30pm, I realised my bad day hasn't completed.

"Did you know...*my sister looked at me gravely*... Mr. Molius died this morning?"
My mind started recollecting my memories of him.

Geography teacher. Physical Education teacher.
Funny. Bubbly. Strict.
A distant uncle of mine.
School's Sport Day won't be complete without him being the one who announce the winner.

According to my sister, he died because of dengue. Miss Annie (one of my favourite teacher in Form 2) cried. They must had been best friends.

Oh... What a depressing news.

---
Edit: Sept 11, 2008
I got this from the SMK Lok Yuk friendster group's board.

My brother reaction was like... "He just punished me oh.. [few days ago]."
I guess that's his way of saying everything seem normal and *pop* tomorrow you got the news of his death.
---

I came to realise that as you get older, you'll encounter more people... and deaths.




May his soul rest in peace.

I feel really stupid about myself. My last post was in early January and since then there were no more new ones. I tried and want to find something to talk about in my blog but can't seem to find one. I'm not going to school anymore, so I don't have anything exciting happening in my life now.

But, today my cat died. I feel compelled to write something where I-don't-know-who will 'know'. If I write in my diary (speaking of diary, I haven't thank that someone who gave me a diary as a present last Christmas... He'll be leaving for Australia this Saturday. Going to send him a thank-you e-mail later), no one will know. So I chose my blog instead. And with this are some stories from last year.

Random #1-1 - Death
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Excerpt

I adore cats. The cats I have at home are cats that come to our house themselves. At first it was only 'feed them because they look hungry'... But later on as they frequent our house, we started giving names to them and they started living in with us. Through these few years, I've already experienced deaths of my cats many times. Cried many times. Kept saying "Why didn't I treated it better?"...

I also came to know the feeling "Oh, no! He/She's dying." It's when I see the cat lying almost life-lessly, he/she doesn't respond much to me when I touch him/her... I'll cry during his/her last moments... It's really a melancholic and saddening moment...

I wasn't particularly close to the cat that died today (It has a name but I won't use it for now), but I still can feel its loss. I feel the lump in my throat. But I'm not crying. Not this time. Or maybe, not today. I'll see more in my future, I should start learning how to cope with it now.

There might be people who wonder why death of a non-human could affect a human so much (My younger brother cried, no..., sobbed, because he saw the cat died during her last moments. He refused to go to school.) I guess, maybe it has something to do with familiarity. Something you already get used to see, touch, hear etc everyday suddenly is not there anymore. In short, we feel their absence because they were present in our life.

End of cat story.

Last year, before STPM examination started in Nov 13...
It was Sunday. We just returned from church. My dad received a phone call from my aunt in Kota Belud. She told my dad that grandma had suddenly wished to see us at the kampong. I was washing the dishes when my dad told us about it. I stopped doing what I was doing and had negative thoughts in mind. When we finally reach kampong, my grandma was resting on the sofa. She was very happy to see us. I listened carefully to what she said. But I can't remember it much now. In mixed malay and dusun, she told me not to cry if she's gone because she'll lead a good life in heaven. I think she said that because she saw my eyes brimmed with tears. I was struggling not to shed tears because I know I won't stop when they started rolling out.

*speechless*

I'm glad that she's still alive now. I love her.


Random #1-2 - Music
Had you ever encountered a song or instrumental piece that move you to tears or affect you emotionally in another way?

I did, once. It was 海底兩萬米 (Hai Di Liang Wan Mi, 20,000 miles under the sea) by 李芳 Li Fang, an insert song for "Love of the Aegean Sea". It's during my black years (2004/2005). That day, my Physics teacher, Mr. Ooi returned our test (or exam?) papers. I knew I flunk again. But afterwards, he asked me what's wrong in a concerned way. I was moved when he asked. Then back home, when I was doing my homework and listening to "Love of the Aegean Sea" OST, I cried when it reached 海底兩萬米. Well, the lyric didn't have anything to do with me at that time but it was the music that caused me to shed tears.

Another story: Last year, my MUET teacher gave us an assignment. She wanted us to find english songs with lyric to be shared in the class. Funnily, almost every group chose a melancholic, blues kind of song except my group, of course. I chose "Happy" by Alexia. I think it was the second group's song. I can't remember what they picked. But the song sure affected our teacher, Miss Florence, very much. In the end of the song, she explained that she recalled about her mother when she listen to the lyric. Ah.Now I suddenly really want to know what was that song. Another friend of mine, Helen (which was in my group that day) also cried when she listened to Vitamin C's "Graduation (Friends Forever)"... She said she was thinking about us after we left the school, after we 'graduated' what we'll be doing, all that....the lyric touched her. That day was special because I never saw that soft side of Miss Florence and Helen...


Now I remember what song! It was S Club 7's "Have You Ever"!


*The End*

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Originally posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 in my old blog
-----

I've watched it again. I don't know why, when I'm feeling unhappy I just feel like watching the last eps of QDAQH.

My grandpa died this morning. & now both my grandpas are not in the world anymore, leaving my grandmas alone. & it's the first time I saw my mum cried this morning (because it was her dad who has died). We visited him at the kampong yesterday & he still looked fine to me that time. Although I have a strange feeling in my heart. My aunt said it was hard to understand what he's(grandpa) talking lately, like as if he could not talk properly anymore. That should have serve as a sign, we should have seen & felt it...... & my relatives in Tawau was planning to go there today which I'm afraid they are too late to meet him before he go...

I'm not really close to him but deaths really affect me very much since I watched QDAQH. Do we really have to go through deaths of our loved ones in our life? Frankly speaking, I'm getting scared of deaths. When our loved ones are dead, that means we can't speak to him anymore, we can't hear his voice anymore, we can't see him anymore, we can't....

In Gokusen, Kuma had a fight with his father before his father died the day later. He didn't even have the chance to say sorry to his father. I'm afraid sth like that would happen

& when the Prime Minister's wife died, I also feel somewhat sad as if she's a part of our family.

Does this mean I can't accept death as a natural thing anymore in the future?

I don't know.




side note on QDAQH:
*I noticed that after the scene Yi Qian stabbed En Qi, where En Qi mysteriously appeared at the hospital telling Xiao Tong "It will be alright." there's a sound like a patient's bed being pushed behind the scene. I was wondering if that is En Qi's body that went past Xiao Tong who was sleeping. & he asked her not to worry; that Yao Xiang will see the sunlight tomorrow as if he has already known he will. He seems knew that his heart will be 'taken out' to let Yao Xiang lives.........
*& it has long bothers me that what Xiao Tong's action in the end really means. She will continue living alone without Yao Xiang(doesn't want to follow what En Qi wanted) until she's old & died? Or is she planning a suicide? (so that explains why Yao Xiang felt the pain in his chest-En Qi knows what Xiao Tong plans to do.....) Hard to accept. Well, it's only a thought of mine, doesn't really means anything.
*Oh yeah, another thing(non-related to QDAQH)---I think Yang Si Lang could be saved if his brother makes it in time to find him. I've seen people in ancient serials that were shot by an arrow (or more) still survive to the end of the serial..except if the arrow shot by the old man is poisoned (why did an old man still working as a soldier??? He must have guard that place for a long time that his arrow had rusted already...so.... tetanus? & about Yu Yan, I think she could be dead too cos she was not supposed to go out in the cold weather (it will be hazardous to her health)...so if we take the idea that Si Lang died because of the rusted arrow & Yu Yan died because she went out, then both is not lonely anymore because they both died together.


It's death all over today...........

no besto today........

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Originally posted on Monday, February 07, 2005 in my old blog
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I woke up early today...not like usual where my parents need to tickle my toes to wake me...

Early in the morning, my mum asked if I've heard the news. What news? I mean, I just woke up & there she was asking something I don't know. I gave her a blurred look. She told me that the telephone rang continuously last night (Between 12-2 AM, I think..)--it rang continuosly because she was afraid to get it. Phone calls during these hour are usually bad news or emergencies. Eventually, she woke my dad up--It was my cousin who called. They were asked to move out from their flat as a result to 'tsunami warning'~~

I was suprised at first because I didn't feel a thing last night...no shaking or whatsoever.

The truth is: Nothing serious happened. Yet it caused panics to people especially those who live near the beach. It was partly due to spreading news through phone calls and SMS. [Just follow these links for more information.]

Quake in RP sea panics Sabah--The Manila Times

THE country's tsunami warning system was put to test in Sabah last night when an earthquake occurred in southern Philippines--New Sunday Times, Malaysia

Tremors rouse Sabah villagers from their sleep--The Star Online