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Originally posted on Thursday, May 24, 2007 in my old blog
~This is the last post (from 'there') I'm adding to this blog~
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What a terrible week. God, let me forget whatever had happened this week (& what will happen tomorrow). Amen.

Wow. It's going to be June already next week.

Ahhh. Yesterday I heard something very disturbing about my BIO teacher. He said something about us being arrogant to the lower sixth-formers... Well, actually this is a small matter only.. maybe it was unintentional.. but the person who first broke the news to us made it seem so negative... (added with the embarrassing incident where my friend & I kena halau from the orientation room when he was to give taklimat on his subject => giving me the impression that he's going to say something we wouldn't want to hear.).. STILL.. it's nothing big, but it ruined my day. I don't blame the teacher. He gave us time to prove to him that we can cope with the subject yet we haven't showed much improvement throughout this year. But it's still painful.

And today I sat for my [mock] MUET speaking test (we are going to take the year-end MUET)--- IT WAS PATHETIC. Disastrous. Tragic. What the hell was I thinking??! I didn't talk much. I can't find anything to say about "peer pressure". We lacked of chemistry in group discussion. Stupid me! I was very, very nervous since yesterday... My heart even beated so fast before I fall asleep.. & I kept thinking & thinking about the BIO thingy... Yes. Stupid me, again!

Well, I've said enough. Let's just move on with life.


Hmmm..
The funny thing is.. what happened made me see that life is fun & unpredictable. I think my MUET teachers expected something good from me BUT I messed things up. I [do] can be unpredictable at times. (Although this 'unpredictable' is something teachers would call 'inconsistency'...) Maybe I don't want to be left alone even after I have learnt how to walk because I still want some attentions from them. How childish of me..

Life is full of ups & downs, that's why it is unpredictable. And those unpredictable things makes life fun because you'll never know for sure what will happen to you in the future.. Why do you have to worry about the future & not the present time where you'll be shaping up your future? Life is always enjoyable even at undesirable times.

Imagine that you only have a few months more to live.. What will you do before you leave this world? Surely (if it's me) I'll do things I never did before (think positively, please) which I'll regret if I don't do it now before it's too late. And by thinking this way, I appreciate life even more..(Life is also short & vulnerable, don't you agree?)..

Okay, the main point is: Although I didn't do well this time, I believe I can do better next time. I just have to practise more & overcome this shyness which unable me to speak english. Also. I must NOT care TOO MUCH about what teachers say or will say about our weaknesses (or whatever). That was what made me went down during those SPM years.


Ruth, FIGHTING!





Why didn't I say this much during that MUET test??

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Originally posted on Sunday, April 22, 2007 in my old blog
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Can't believe it's almost a month after I last updated my blog...

So many things to tell.. All would be told in random order...

Firstly, we had "Majlis Anugerah etc etc" last Monday.. I almost forgot that this kind of things exist in school.. & I got the highest marks for Maths, MUET & BIO(! Tian ah!) for last year's exam (I think.).. How embarassing! It's not that high....!!!!! Not really sth to be proud of...

Last week, there was a SNAKE in our classroom! (LOL.. funnily, it was spotted near our class's trash can, a trash-filled trash can.) It was small but enough to scare me off my ecological project site (it was at the back of our class)! Good thing we finished everything & what's left was to remove the line transects (Done that already).

Had an argument with mum a few days ago. It was early in the morning. It's a misunderstanding. But that's not the point. I was SO mad that she misjudged me, that I walked into my class with tears in my eyes. I didn't care if my classmates saw me in such an ugly situation, at that time I really feel geram... I didn't know what they think of me.. I went outside & sat on a bench, trying to calm myself. It was the first time such thing happened to me in school. But I felt somewhat moved by my classmates care. They went to see me & asked what's the matter. I silented. But later on I opened up to some friends who stayed over. They told about their stories (regarding family matters) & we had some relieving laughs later on. It was a horrible morning, but thanks to them, my day was not really affected by the incidence (managed to focus on teacher).. Form 6 doesn't seem to be just Form 6 to me since then.. All fourteen of us are like family... Maybe the fact that our tables were arranged in a U shape enable us to look at each other more closer than before. (Teachers seem closer too... easier to ask them Qs now.) I would never want to lose contact with my f6 classmates.

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Originally posted on Friday, March 02, 2007 in my old blog
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Ah...finally have time to blog.

I think most school have done this. Yesterday, it's "Rat Dissection" (Circulatory) for BIO practical... For 14 of us-- we had 11 white mice dissected. yeah, we didn't use rats. We obtained the mice from the Jabatan Haiwan (I think that's what teacher said).. it's free (& SMALL!).. so I don't think complaining will be right cos we got it without much efforts.. (Actually.. I have one rat at home, caught from outside. When I hear mice would be supplied, it's already too late. & now I don't know what to do with the rat [my rat is bigger than those white mice..].. )

I've done frog dissection before, so I know (from experience) that my hands will shiver when cutting open the skin.. But I'm glad it happened only in the beginning. After that it just came out naturally (not the skin).. I was able to do it calmly & meticulously.. I imagined that I was a surgeon operating on my patient. I pinned its skin neatly (even got praised by teacher because I've done a good dissection... hahaha).. Compared to the frog, the mouse's skin was (in my opinion) more easy to cut & separate it from the inside..


Today I presented about Ammonia during CHEM classes.. wah...yokatta desu.. finally I DID IT! I've made it perfectly again this time!

My CHEM teacher made it clear today on why she wants each of us to make presentation on what we are learning. I totally agree with her: It's to prepare us for university life, cos there'll be plenty of "presentations" there.

For Maths... I found the topic differentiation interesting. It's really fun to do all those calculations. I feared this topic before in f4 & f5. What a waste. I belittled my own skills & talents just because I was afraid. That's what you get when you always think negatively. Hmmm.. Just believe in yourself ma, dui bu dui?


A month ago, I wondered what other students (f6 science & art streams in my school) think of me. Not that I care about what people say of me but I was just curious. From my own assumptions, I think they see me as a conceited, somewhat anti-social person. It bothered me a bit. Talking warmingly & making friends with new people are not easy for me. Only those who care to go pass the wall I built will see the better side of me.

But then, I was struck by a thought: So what? I can't satisfy everyone's taste. If they can't accept me (ie. we have opposite beliefs/characteristics/principles) then let it be. Maybe we are not meant to be friends anyway (I might not like her/him too).

I think what's important is to just express myself honestly without pretending as someone I'm not. I'm willing to help anyone who needs my help as long as I am able to do it.