Showing posts with label My Dark Side. Show all posts

Dark Thoughts

Reading has been... annoying.

I guess it's just the usual(?) reading slumps...? Although I am feeling a bit more mean in my head recently so that might has some kind of effects or something. I couldn't stand watching some videos on books/reading on Youtube so I've been DNFing them (the only times I like to use the term lol). I kid you not, mean-me was thinking how pretentious some of them are. I was rolling my eyes mentally, physically, subconsciously, and at times, belatedly (as I question myself why am I even watching this lol). I must be in my dark thoughts era (or... it could just be PMS symptoms *sigh*. They are usually that).

Oh yeah. Decided to decrease my daily reading pages goal again by half. It's either 5 pages per day or 5 months (or more) of not/barely reading any physical books. Of course that's an exaggeration... but I'm pretty sure I'm capable of doing that. Well, it might still happen in the future...

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Saw this on AmazonSG today (while I was just looking around randomly haha):

As seen on 2024-04-15

So... that's probably because of the anime, right?

Time: 2024-04-15T15:40:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: # 7th Time Loop , 2024 posts , Anime , blog images , My Dark Side , Online Shopping , Reading

A Report

■ Drink: Peppermint Tea

The format for this [BGSG] post will change this year so... I should at least make a report for last month's in this post.

The goals from 2023's December:

Big Goal:
Make progress with GR Reading Challenge (continued)

Small Goal:
Deal with Chrome tabs (continued)

We can just skip the small goal, which is basically untouched (unchallenged?) the whole month lol

I managed to complete my reading challenge but... at what cost? XD

Well, the cons include

---I don't remember much what I've read

---there isn't much time to digest what I've read (which might be best for books that I don't really enjoy, but the opposite for the ones I do enjoy)

---I was anxious(?) all the time

Pros

---I finally read some of the books I kept putting off reading

---learnt that sometimes pushing myself to just read is the answer. This is usually what makes a procrastinator like me moves.

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Some updates on life (which is not much really lol)

I found an alternative way to watch "7th Time Loop" anime *sigh* but I was very salty about it all the time since the last post. Yeah, pretty much as expected, I ended up getting obsessed with obtaining what I want.
Last Boss Queen Vol 4 - I guess Gil isn't a hidden character (but I don't think Pride remembers the games much anyway so she might miss someone) as it's said that she met all five love interests in this volume. Prince Cedric was... he didn't make a good first impression to me but I don't really hate him.. and yet that doesn't mean I like him (as of now). You know, he reminds me of my early experiences with some oresama characters from otome games. Hmm.. it's a strange feeling. I used to like the character developments of such characters but I guess I've grown out of it now...?
I finally updated my so-called reading journal that I abandoned for months lol~~~ It's more of a quotes journal at this point... but anyway! I realised I've been using it since 2021! That's... crazy. I'll still use it this year for quotes but I have a separate reading journal I found on Shopee that I'm trying this year. Since I'm not going to be blogging daily, I thought it should be okay for keeping my thoughts on the book because the journal I found has a review section.
Youtube - It's a me problem (because it's related to my voice fetish aka attraction to nice-sounding voices :P) but I haven't been enjoying some videos on Youtube lately. I don't know why some voices make me cringe so much. And some have such an annoying melody to the way they speak that I just DNF the video in the end... It seems like I'm more sensitive to this recently that I started wondering how I survived living this long without encountering people with very annoying voices (there is that one person with quack-sounding voice back in school but we weren't in the same class/circle so I was spared from listening to them daily)

Yeah, this makes me sound very mean about people's voices, I'm probably am... but I don't make a fuss of it in public at least (although this blog is an exception, I guess, since it is open to public). It's one of the TMI facts about me that you unfortunately now know about XD

I don't really have a specific big and small goal now so I'm not including them in this post today... I am interested in making a list of goals that I know I won't achieve 75% of them though XD. It will be more of a throwaway list of goals so it might get interesting...

Time: 2024-01-12T21:40:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: # Last Boss Queen , 2024 posts , Anime , Big Goal and Small Goal , My Dark Side , Need to Get This Out of My Chest , Reading , Youtube

16th

I remember! (lol)

It's the 16th year of the day I started using the current url~

Didn't plan anything so this is just me stopping by to say "I remember!" haha

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7th Time Loop anime is starting tomorrow but unfortunately it's not available for Malaysian audience on Muse Asia's channel --- it makes me soooo sad! It's possible that it might be available in the future but that means I can't watch it as soon as possible.... Unless... *mumbles* it's not like I need English subs anyway *mumbles*

I am still kind of in an anime watching slump so I guess it's fine (for now) but I still don't like not having access to something I want. It just makes me obsess on it more :(

I could spend those time re-reading the light novels (and web novel!)... Re-reading the manga last month did make me want to go back to that Rishe and Arnold's world again...

Time: 2024-01-06T21:29:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: # 7th Time Loop , 2024 posts , Anime , blog anniversary , My Dark Side , No Mood , Youtube

I'm being mean again today

■ Mood: Anxiously excited
■ Drink: Iced Instant Coffee

I was in the middle of reading Volume 4 of "7th Time Loop" when a thought came to me. I might not want to read the web novel after this...??? Like, I don't want to spoil myself... or want to keep it a surprise or something???

NAAAHHH I'm just afraid of reading what's ahead I guess... I'm worried that something bad will happen (though it's already implied that from the beginning duh!) Ahhh this author always write stories like these...! I am reading two of her other stories that also have this "danger lurking behind" feeling to it... [& without shame] I ate it all up. Can't help it, my kind of story :P

In the end, I think I would read the web novel anyway... Out of fervent curiosity (unfortunately)... and fear of missing out. I need to know as much as I can...

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Received some more books via mail today.

"What You Are Looking For is in the Library" - ...Well, because it has library in the title XD
"The Forest of Wool and Steel" - This is about piano-tuners! Which I think is quite rare to find in fiction books.

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Had a polarizing reaction towards anime today. The latest episode of "The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen: From Villainess to Savior" (#10) was crazy good (Pride was too cool near the end 😭🤩)... and then latest episode of "Sugar Apple Fairy Tale" (#22) [grrh almost typed out "Sugar Honey Iced Tea" this time] was... MEH 😑😒.

I really don't like Anne, huh. At this point, it's just me hate-watching the show. Like, I can't wait for this anime to end because I don't want to watch her anymore! When the villain talked about wiping out humans (not exact words), I find myself agreeing with him lol...[....and here I am siding(?) with the villains again *sigh*]. The only scenes I can watch are scenes without Anne. Barely. Because some of them like to talk about her. (WHO CARES) If only there's a way to automatically blur out her appearance in the anime... and maybe mute her lines because I don't wanna hear her speak a word 🙄

Time: 2023-09-08T22:37:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: # 7th Time Loop , 2023 posts , Anime , Books , Library , My Dark Side , Online Shopping Bag , Piano , Reading , Web Novels , Weekend Musings

Chikage

Posted in: 2023 posts | Manga | My Dark Side | My Fangirl Side | Reading

I've peaked in my manga-reading adventures... I finally found an INTP main character that I relate so much with~ It's Chikage from "Meido no Koi wa Enma Shidai" XD.. Surprisingly(?), I find him very endearing (so far).

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Let's look at this from another angle. As an attempt to get out of reading slump.. or rather, lessen the effects of it (lol), I'm going to bribe myself by rereading "Leftover Princess" again (and maybe a bit of Volume 7 of "The Saint's Magic Power is Omnipotent" on the side... I'm trying to stretch [the reading] as wide as possible until the day the next volume is released). DNF will be my last resort. I am quite capable of hate-reading just for the sake of giving 1 or 2 stars rating on GR. Yes, I don't need to but sometimes... it's part of the thrill(?).

Time: 2023-07-03T22:45:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2023 posts , Manga , My Dark Side , My Fangirl Side , Reading

Condemnation event

Posted in: 2023 posts | Manga | My Dark Side | My Fangirl Side | Reading

Villainess [isekai] stories are so... addicting.

Somehow, I feel they are more relatable today. I relate so much to being a villainess.. the parts where they are being misunderstood and/or had to do villainous stuff (for good reasons) that is. Obviously, I don't have a fiancé that will break our engagement in public after condemning my evil-doings. Oh.. but I kind of had a condemnation event before without my presence so I get how it feels like to be condemned by a fool and betrayed by people you trusted.

I have no hopes for it myself but I do hope all those villainesses who deserve happiness will get their happy endings (T_T)

Time: 2023-06-08T22:10:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2023 posts , Manga , My Dark Side , My Fangirl Side , Reading

It had an evil dragon...

OTD post!

On this day, I posted once in 2021...

Nothing much to say about today...

Lol I guess it's the same for this year XD

...I'm having so much fun reading "Charmed Life" again

Should I...? Probably shouldn't, since I'm in reading slump for physical books... (oh well)

Started playing ME3 multiplayer again. I should perhaps continue with my ME2 insanity playthrough but...

Not sure if I've mentioned it already before but I actually completed my weapon challenges few weeks ago. The last one was for SMG and it was so troublesome, never going to do that again! (I don't mind the other weapons though)

It feels bit weird seeing past-me mention that... My playing style has experienced changes since I started doing the challenges seriously. It's not a bad change but I'm kind of enjoying the game in another way...? Something like that.

And I've been playing more Silver matches lately. Just because it's hard to find Bronze ones... I hope I'll get used to Silver ones like Bronze's in the future~

No progress on ME2's insanity mode though... ooh maybe I can focus on that now that I've done most of the challenges...?

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Last night, I had some dreams that felt like stories of my lives in another universe... I don't really remember much about it but there were some details that aren't true here but it feels realistic (like it happened!) in the dreams... yeah, I had some weird dreams last night.

...I probably read too many isekai manga/web novels XD

Speaking of isekai manga.... finished one today that was so dark and twisted, it appeals to my dark side greatly. Honestly, I feel dirty (stained?) for liking it lol. The title is "Akuyaku Reijou, Godome no Jinsei o Jaryuu to Ikiru." All I'm going to say it's a revenge manga :P and what a satisfying revenge that was. I had fun. The revenge parts (parts!) are S-tier. Don't read it if you don't want to be stained.

Time: 2023-05-29T23:22:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2023 posts , blog images , I Need to Talk About My Dreams , Interest: Games , Manga , My Dark Side , My Do-S Side , On This Day , Web Novels

Hello March

Lack of sleep strikes again.
When is it not though *sigh*

I greeted March with sleepiness and hopelessness. It's probably going to be a gloomy March~

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Made big progress with "Soul Cage" (switched from borrowed e-book to the physical book since arrival). Might finish reading it soon.

Very amused by the mention of Kame in the book (original book is published in 2007, translated book published in 2017) because he portrayed Kikuta in the 2019 version ("Strawberry Night Saga").

Time: 2023-03-03T22:01:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2023 posts , blog images , Dorama , Forty Winks and More , In Zombie Mode , My Dark Side , No Mood , Reading

Did they read them?

Posted in: 2022 posts | About Writing | Life: Anecdotes | My Dark Side | Youtube

Cleaned up my Youtube Watch Later playlist. Decided to remove some long videos because I don't think I'm going to watch them... later (lol) anymore.

Also did some organisation/cleaning around the house... I can't really do much for long period of time (the dust!) so a little bit of everyday might just work. I mean, it should be better than none. (If only I can apply this to my own room, hmm...)

Writing a story isn't easy but seeing how excited someone who isn't really good at it (IMO) is getting some exposure locally... it makes me want to try doing NaNoWriMo this coming November. Probably not the take I should be getting from a certain video [Mel-chan, it was cringe-worthy (-.-)]... but I'm a half-full, half-empty kind of gal so I refuse to receive only the negative stuff - I will get some positive out if it, even if it's only 1%!

Time: 2022-09-12T23:35:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2022 posts , About Writing , Life: Anecdotes , My Dark Side , Youtube

Forbidden Thoughts

ON THIS DAY...

As mentioned in last year's post, I only have a post on May 4th (pre-2020) which is in year 2010.

2021 was an OTD-ish post. This post will be like an update to that with some extra stuff added in.

>> TSGS #12

Amazingly, even though I went to Popular in November last year, I didn't manage to purchase this again. Might buy what I don't have later on Shopee (saw some pre-loved ones there too).

Recently, I don't really feel like reading this series(?) so I'm not in a hurry to get them. They are pretty short books (less than 200 pages) but it feels like forever to finish them lol...

>> Jane Austen

The 2010 & 2021 posts mentioned "Pride and Prejudice" & "Emma". Not talking about that again but...

I have "Emma" and "Jane Eyre" left to read from my not-rigid list from last year. I've decided to read "Jane Eyre" last so I should be reading "Emma" soon. Not sure if it's this month or other months, but that will be next. Also somehow planned(?) to reread "Northanger Abbey" and "Sense and Sensibility" in the future because I want to see where they rank in my favourite JA novels.

So far, it's like this:
① Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion
② n/a
③ Mansfield Park

⓸ Northanger Abbey

⓹ Emma

⓺ Sense and Sensibility

Probably will change again later after I reread those three.

>> Record

...it's like I'm making some kind of record [about my life]. -"Accidental Record"

I've been thinking... I might [also] be easily annoyed recently because I don't have a place to channel my tsukkomi [remarks]. Which is, on second thought, actually a good thing, because that means I don't throw out words carelessly... but I'm dying to make some sharp-tongued, rude, mean & insensitive comments inside. They're definitely not something I can post here. Are they forbidden thoughts? I don't think so... I let them roam free in my head without restraint. I guess they are considered forbidden because I forbid them to be materialized here.

Anyway... so I decided to write them in my 2018-now diary. "Shouldn't you've done that earlier?" The thing is that diary isn't supposed to be something as dark as this. Now, I'm allowing it to be that. It will be hurtful... but since I should be the only person who sees it, I'll be fine~

Also, I want to fill the diary until the end, if possible.

Hopefully, it will be 2018-2022 diary by the end of the year.

Time: 2022-05-04T22:21:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2022 posts , Books , Jane Austen , My Dark Side , On This Day , Reading

Helpful Distractions

Posted in: 2022 posts | blog images | Friends | My Dark Side | My Paranoid Side

Woke up feeling like 2019 today.

I'm fine.

I think I'm fine...?

2019 isn't a good year for my mental state. So waking up with similar thoughts from that year should be alarming to me.

First thing I did in the morning is to acknowledge those thoughts. Do I still feel that way? Not so much. It kinda went the morbid way in the end but I managed to brush the feelings away. That's not what I want to spend all day thinking about.

Distraction helps.

In the afternoon, got a call from Mel-chan. Helpful distraction #1.

After that, I got stuck with organising my digital images on the computer. Helpful distraction #2.

Why do I have so many screenshots from my phones?????

*sigh*

(I actually know the answer but I just want to say that here *haaah*)

Found a software (Files 2 Folder) that enables me to select multiple files and move to a new folder in one (or maybe two) clicks. Like I don't have to do the whole Ctrl+x, create/open new folder & Ctrl+v over and over again. It's an old software but still works in Windows 10 64-bit.

...it looks weird but I can still use it

I also love using the shortcut Alt+p to turn the preview pane on and off. Sometimes I need to use it but I don't want it to be there all the time.

Time: 2022-01-30T17:26:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2022 posts , blog images , Friends , My Dark Side , My Paranoid Side

Meh Day

Woke up with a headache today.

Good news. I finished "The Doomed City". Funny how I didn't really feel like it's a 400-page book.. well, until Chapter 5. It dragged a bit there although I was looking forward to it.

Other than that, I'm pretty much feeling Saturday-ish on this public holiday Thursday. And with this rain, I'm very much in lazy mode. I just want to go take a shower now and go to sleep early. I don't know why I'm feeling moody and mean this week. Like if I don't hold myself back, I might say things that will make people unhappy.

Time: 2021-11-04T17:58:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , Forty Winks and More , Lazy Day Musings , My Dark Side , No Mood , Reading

Place to Pick Flowers

Posted in: 2021 posts | Goodreads | Manga | My Dark Side | Reading

No one asked, no one needed to know, and (most probably) no one wanted to know but I'll tell it anyway.

Warning: This is definitely not a post about places to pick flowers.

I have a bookshelf with a fancy name for my bathroom books on Goodreads. The name is inspired by what I read on "Dengeki Daisy". One of the main characters said "I'm going to pick [some] flowers", which is like the polite way of telling you're going to the toilet/bathroom. I don't know the actual Japanese conversation, but probably something like お花を摘みに行くo-hana wo tsumi ni iku or お花を摘みに行ってきます o-hana wo tsumi ni ittekimasu. Interestingly, there are more ways to say that politely.

Ahem. So... some things I learnt from my flower-picking trips. Don't pick a difficult book (like classics and some non-fictions). And pick less thrillers/mysteries. I kind of prefer short and easy books. Used to pick books I think is boring but some proved to be otherwise. Also used to pick thick books but find it tedious to read when I don't like the book. Nowadays, I pick books I'd read during my teenage years.

Time: 2021-09-30T10:56:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , Goodreads , Manga , My Dark Side , Reading

Very Obvious

On This Day post!

Kind of. I rather not revisit one of the posts... I mean, I'll reread that post for today but I'm going to skip it.

I posted thrice in the past on June 25th! So amused by this actually. Like, wow, I was so busy in June, I had contents to write a blog post on... Oh well. One of it cringes me to no end so... *skipped*! (It's from 2006 btw)

2010 post was about me saying bye bye to my sister.

Do you think my coursemates & future coursemates mind if I ask them to e-mail me if they want to reach me instead of texting me? Selfish me.

Ah...I don't even want to text people at that time lol (although it's probably due to broken phone /I really don't remember). Texting is kind of rarer these days.. I don't particularly mind it anymore (I'm more "Don't call me" nowadays XD). Since you can do it for free depending on your telco plans. I used it frequently with one of my ex-colleagues to inform about his tasks in 2017-18. At that time, he still used the old nokia phone so he wasn't reachable using WhatsApp.

The most interesting part I wanted to talk about is this:

Totally forgot I would and could do that. I have some posts with questionable ~~spammy~~ traffic. Maybe I'll do something similar for those posts later. No one will even realise it happen ~~except rss feed users~~ because it will be reposted using the same date.

2011 post was a Saturday 9 post!

1. What has someone done unusual to make you feel their love?
[...] I forgot to bring a history reference book to school. The teacher was a scary one so I was afraid all the time before his class (in the noon I think). Two of my best friends that were sitting beside me each brought me a reference book they borrowed from someone else (at different times).

Oh, hello history-reference-book story. This is a very fond memory of mine during my PMR year. One of them is actually Mel-chan (who I always mention in this blog). The other is S-san, and we are currently not in contact with each other.

2. Do you own a smart phone? If yes, is it everything you wanted? If no, how seriously have you considered a purchase of the new smart phone?
Yes. It isn't perfect but it was what I wanted in the beginning. I've always been interested in machines/devices with touch screen since little.

This was when smart phone was just starting to become the norm. I'm crazy about anything with touch screens. Currently wishes to own an ebook reader although I know it's not priority (because I would still buy physical books).

3. Have you ever camped out to purchase something?
No.

4. What is your worst habit?
Procrastinating.

No changes there.

5. What is your best habit?
Able to catch on/pick up something (knowledge, information, change of atmosphere...) quickly *sometimes I lie :P*. ~~I don't know if you can call this a habit but it's the only thing I like about myself, so let me call it my best habit for now.~~ Sometimes it doesn't work well. ~~Like for math.~~

This is still true today. I put "Fast Learner" in my resume. I'm kind of a monster at it, in both good and bad way. Yeah, this is not me bragging (hopefully it doesn't come across that way, wait, actually.. I don't really care if it's like that), it's just something I observed when I was at work 3 years ago. I'm not a nice person - I'm quite manipulative and calculative - I'll do what's needed to survive in a toxic workplace.

6. In your opinion, what is life's greatest mystery?
Ohno Satoshi. It's my life's greatest mystery.

Awww. Past-me, same. Still my life's greatest mystery. Knowing my personality, my ichiban should've been Sho or Nino. So, I still find it interesting that Ohno is my ichiban.

7. Are you one of those people who is constantly busy with projects, social outings, etc. or do you just like to lay low and stay home?
I generally don't like to go out (socializing?) unless it's family members (including relatives) or friends I'm close to. I always have something I want to do at home. My personal projects have no ends. I do like to travel or go on sightseeing trips though.

Kinda funny seeing this now, during this pandemic era(?). Actually, my answer will be pretty much the same 10 years later. Still feel the same about travels and sightseeing trips (I wanna see plants!).

8. Whether you're busy all the time or like to just chill, have you always been that way?
Have always been like this since ten years ago...

Wow, doesn't seem like I answered the question huh... ah but it might have been related to Q7. So... it will still have the same answer lol only it's now "twenty years ago"

9. Is there something you'd like to change about how you spend your time? If so, what is it? If not, why not?
Hmmm. I don't really want to change anything... except the time I spend for studying Math. I want to believe that the time spent to study ensures that I could develop interest in the subject, be more familiar with the subject and able to answer well in exams/tests. This is because when it involves subjects I don't really have genuine interest in it, I'm not convinced that I have studied properly. [...]

Urggh.. I still don't feel good about Math. Learning in primary and secondary schools were okay but when you get to the deeper stuff, there's no love anymore, only hate. ~~Past-me, why would you ever think it's a good idea to study Math in uni???~~

Well, I might want to learn those advanced Math by my own time and pace (I've made peace with the subject just recently, it's one of the things I could learn during this #stayhome thingy). It's weird that I have a sudden crave for doing Math problems this year.

Is it obvious that I've not been out of my house for so long?

Time: 2021-06-25T18:14:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , About Studying , blog images , My Dark Side , My Fangirl Side , Ohno Satoshi 大野智 , On This Day

Dear Diary...

Posted in: 2021 posts | Knit/Crochet Stuff | My Dark Side | My Paranoid Side | Reading

Fine weather today, compared to last Sunday's.

Almost wanted to post an "On This Day" post (since I posted once in 2006) but that post is so cringy, I don't really want to post about it.

Slept without pillow again last night and neck feels fine in the morning. I'm probably too happy about being pain-free that I ended not doing much today. Knitted a bit. Haven't done any readings yet although I took one book out of my bookshelf today. That's another book added to my reading pile *sigh*.

I think I just want to distract myself from the current news. I probably don't look and act like it but inside I feel very paranoid. I don't want to go out. I know I can if I want to (it's not really like phobia) but I don't feel safe out there knowing there's someone acting stupid somewhere. Someone who makes light of this pandemic situation, thinking this will pass like seasons. Like, I don't know man, the virus keeps mutating... I begin to suspect if it's actually an intelligent being. Really, it's almost admirable when seen from a third person's perspective.

Funny how that makes me more interested in consuming plague themed books and movies. Morbid(ish) much? Yeah, erm, don't really care if I come across that way.

Time: 2021-04-18T19:20:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , Knit/Crochet Stuff , My Dark Side , My Paranoid Side , Reading

It will pass

Posted in: 2021 posts | Anime | My Dark Side | My Salty Side

Continued with the storage boxes today. Now I'm soooo sleepy.

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Anyway. Anime. Most of the ones I'm watching this season is ending soon. "Mushoku Tensei" got more interesting by the end. Feeling the opposite for "So I'm a Spider, So What?" - got a bit tired watching the second half. Maybe it's just me. The novelty wore off, I guess...? It's not bad as when I'm watching "Talentless Nana" because I can still watch it.

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Oh yeah. I noticed something recently. Probably hormones again... but recently, I got more easily annoyed by people talking so long... about themselves. I somehow understand now why Saitama wants people to explain stuff in 20 or less words.

Usually at church, there's a limited time to give your testimonial. And with how things are now, almost everything is online... the thought of hearing someone's testimonial for 3 hours straight makes me feel scared & annoyed. My mean side says "Can't you be more efficient?"

Sorry, I have to say it.

Okay.. maybe.. maybe they have so many things to tell.

But I still believe you can summarise it at max, an hour, no?

Don't waste other people's time.

Why am I listening to a 3-hour testimonial, you say? I'm not. I overheard my parents watching stuff on Youtube. I used my earphones every time ~~to block the annoying voices~~.

That's not the only thing I'm annoyed though. I have started closing videos (stop watching) on Youtube halfway.

I believe this is just me being hormotional... so it's a temporary thing. It will pass.

Time: 2021-03-24T20:48:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , Anime , My Dark Side , My Salty Side

Hurt

This will be a post full of random things again. Just like usual.

I'm embedding some tweets I found in my Twitter timeline today.

*continues to scroll*
— John Wolfe (@JohnWolfeYT) March 11, 2021

Haha I don't think I'm very active in my social media accounts lately but that scrolling thing is so on point. So many times have I find myself continue scrolling even though I don't feel like reading anymore.

Just a reminder that everyone is still going through things you may not know about.

Be kind when you follow up about problems or missed deadlines, replies, or meetings.
— Grammar Girl (@GrammarGirl) March 11, 2021

This reminds me of the post I did in the past (which was also mentioned again in an "On This Day" post).

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Received the metal book holder today. Seems sturdy enough.

I'm actually quite excited to start using it! Have to get used to the thing holding the pages at the bottom.

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What do you do when you feel hurt?

I don't know how this came up but I was thinking about it before I go to sleep. When I started posting here again, I mentioned about healing in at least two posts. The truth is, I was feeling hurt after I quit my job. I don't remember when but I was told how something happened that led to me getting transferred and I eventually quitting. I feel betrayed by people I thought I can trust.

I still feel the hurt now but it's not as intense as before. I still feel like I can never forgive them. I guess this is the thing. Few days ago, my mother was watching something on the TV which [I overheard &] prompted me to say "You can't force someone to forgive you!" This is why I say I hold grudges. Passively, I think. Because to me, it's just a matter of giving a status (label?) and then move on with life. They don't occupy my mind all the time.

I do believe in forgiving when you're ready. I might find that one moment where I feel serene and I finally write it in my diary to acknowledge it. I know because I experienced it before. There was a person I nicknamed Akuma in this blog before. For a period of time, I was so, so mad at him. I will always give him the stink eye during his classes at uni. One day, all of a sudden, I felt serene (I think this is the perfect word to describe it) and I forgive him.

This is why I get so triggered when I hear/read people asking to "just forgive them" because who the heck do you think you are? If they are not ready to forgive, let them be. Don't give advice like that just to make everyone but that person [doing the forgiving] to feel calm & in peace.

Have I mentioned that I hold grudges?

Time: 2021-03-12T16:01:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , blog images , My Dark Side , My Do-S Side , My Salty Side , Online Shopping Bag , Reading , Reminiscences , Tweets

Unexpectedly Long Post

I finally got that new Google chat thing. Read (belatedly) that Hangouts is changing into Chat just early this year. I'm excited although it's really nothing to be excited about lol.

Anyway, another "On This Day" post! I posted two blog posts from 2008 on this same day. And... I was talking about books and blogging so maybe I'll find something interesting.

First post... "Blabbers #1 : Post too long?"

Bwahaha! I was really into making blog post titles with such format back then. I realise now that those kind of format is only useful if you keep track or remember them. Probably better for series kind of posts that you already have an end number (like "Greece Trip #1 - Airport" / "Greece Trip #7 - Flying Back Home).

Random-ness #1... Blabbers #1? Haha... I've given them numbers so that I can keep track how many random-ness and blabbers have I posted. It's kind of organized to be labelled/categorized that way..

Oh past-me. Nope. You just made more work for me. I can't even keep track of my... our labelling system. This is weird.

As this blog is just, what, 2 months old?, I might as well make it all organized early. Hmmm. *Maybe that's where my perfectionism is.*

This got me at first, "What do you mean 2 months??" Then I realised past-me meant me using this new blog url. It used to be something else before. Then I brought the old posts (posted backdated) here.

This is the last post on that blog.
Yeah, I still keep it. But it's private now.

Decided to keep old blog url not public anymore. You'll be seeing Maru in posts that mentioned them. I'm giving a big SHHHHHH to everyone who knows it. Don't ever mention it in this blog.

And.. the perfectionist part... I know I'm still one at heart but I'm trying to tone it down. I think I said that thrice already in this blog haha. I just mentioned it in another "On This Day" post.

Oh yeah another thing. I used to (and recently do it again) write in blue colour. I don't remember if I explained it before...? Whatever you see in blue was... is... supposed to be my dark side. Apparently I've acknowledged its existence since before this post in 2019... I usually write bold, shocking things [that I usually won't say in real life] in that colour. Sometimes, it's just random stuff though.

And the rest of the post was just me talking about the formatting in my previous post.

Second post... "Book Frenzy"

I started reading books again a few months ago.

Are you me? Oh yeah, you are. LOOOOL

Jokes aside... see that? I have those moments. Those reading slumps. Oof.

I have many unread books in my bookshelf. Mostly are classic novels... I've become fond of classic ones since I read Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë in Form 5 and been buying classic novels whenever I have money..

I still have many unread ones that I'm interested in reading. To me, reading classic novels require you to be in a certain mood. I have left some unfinished/dropped early because I read it during a wrong mood/time.

*sigh* I've forgotten how much reading books can be exciting and addicting. Surprisingly, I found it more fun than watching serial dramas because it's all happening in my mind - I can pick or create any cast I like according to my preference. It's a very peculiar (in a good way) experience to me actually.

Ahhh that feeling huh... Can't really relate much to that at this moment because my way of reading is changing(?). I'm still experimenting and I'll be honest, I'm so afraid of not enjoying books I loved before anymore. There's also that thing where you used to enjoy YA books but not anymore after you became an adult.

Somewhat new thing I find as I read now is, I imagine the writer or character narrating the book to me...? I guess this only happen to ones which I know how their voice sound like. Like "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" and "The Gun Seller".

There are times I have to hold myself from continue reading because I want to keep it for tomorrow... but at the same time, dying to know what happened next.

Now, regarding this, I usually just continue reading haha.. Unless I'm sleepy. Sleep takes priority.

The rest of the post was me fangirling over Diana Wynne Jones books.

BONUS

Yeah... so the 2 months thing was bothering me so I went to look for my first post in 2008. Horrified to find old blog link there so I removed it.

So that's another date I didn't care to remember in this blog. February 5th 2005 is when I did my first post in the old blog. Then I moved to a new blog url in 2008 and the first post was made on January 6th.

Here I am left wondering why I didn't pick a more memorable date lol. Feb 5th is understandable but I could've pick a good, easier-to-remember date in 2008.

Anyway, there's also an explanation for the blue thing there.

Another new thing - Besides me blogging, I'll have the other-me blog too. Who's other-me you ask? I'm not crazy, but other-me is an attempt to expose the "evil" or "opposite" side of me. When I am thinking, I often look at the positive and negative sides of things that sometimes I end up imagining silly and stupid things in my head. It's like the small angel-devil appearing in cartoons that says,"Do it," & "No, don't do it."

The other-me can be seen in blue.

The so-called dark side is apparently other-me, the evil/opposite side of me.

I was aware of it that early!

By the way, I also do that devil's advocate thing sometimes. I didn't know the term before but I do that thing. My mother got mad at me when I argue with her about something... that I don't even believe in. "Whose side are you on really?" I probably just do that for fun, other than looking at the positive and negative sides of things.

Read before that this is something INTP always do. #INTPhere

Time: 2021-03-05T19:42:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , About Blogging , blog anniversary , My Dark Side , My Do-S Side , On This Day , Reading

I know the drill

Posted in: 2021 posts | My Dark Side | My Salty Side | Online Shopping

I've been buying stuff online since... before it's a thing in Malaysia...? I mean, there are local online shops, yes, but this is before Lazada & Shopee become part of almost everyone's life. I don't remember the exact year but it's probably between 2003-2005.

I'm just trying to say, I know the drill. Maybe not everything.. but I'm generally very familiar with the process.

The only thing I'm not familiar with is... giving a review on stuff I purchased.

Even on Goodreads, I only give reviews on books when I feel like it. It's the same for me now. I did try giving more reviews on Lazada last year but I stopped after one of my reviews got deleted (the horror! lol) just because I said something they thought was negative. The whole review was positive though, I gave 5 stars and they (the seller, I assume) deleted my review but left the photos I took. I don't think it bothered me too much but I did have like a sulking period XD where I don't want to give any reviews with words. Because what's the point if they are only going to delete it later lol. I've started giving reviews again afterwards for local sellers. No more reviews for China sellers who deletes reviews - and yes, in case you're wondering, I hold grudges [passively].

Anyway... on Carousell, I always leave reviews because that site needs those. Other buyers look at the sellers' reviews before deciding to buy things from them.

Wait... I forgot why I'm talking about this.

Oh yeah. Writing reviews are troublesome but I'll do them when I want to.

I'm kind of sorry for being such a poor reviewer.
ごめん…(･´ω･`)ゞ

Time: 2021-02-22T14:30:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , My Dark Side , My Salty Side , Online Shopping

This Tragic Drama

After almost a year, I finally continue watching "Ashes of Love". I was dreading that one part (yeah I read the spoilers) so I postponed watching until... this year. Went back in with half the memories of the earlier 38 episodes. So it wasn't that painful. Feeling very protective of Xu Feng - everyone else is stupid, stupid, stupid. I was annoyed after that thing happened: I kept saying "It's your fault!" when certain characters appear or screaming "Stupid!" inside. But I still cried watching Episode 49-50.

This drama is a tragedy from the beginning.

Probably will never watch it if not for Deng Lun.

Xu Feng with ponytail is to die for.. ~~more please~~

Oh yeah, my timing is good though.. I'm still in that 'making peace with your dark side' mood after BORDER. This drama has that kind of arc (I only care for Xu Feng!) and I look forward to watching it.

Time: 2021-02-18T15:03:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2021 posts , Dorama , My Dark Side , My Fangirl Side , Netflix , TV

Fighting for Life

About Me

I'm predictably unpredictable, inconsistent, random & eccentric. Sometimes arrogant and silly. Always curious. Read that again without the snobbish tone.

「　Fighting For Life　」
Blogging since February 2005
RuYanda @ Ruth

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