a continuation to previous post...

Day 5（月） - Started thinking how much I hate programming... "I really don't get this."

Day 6（火） - Class started late in the afternoon. Thought more of how I hate programming again... & I think Dr A hates me for not completing last night's assignment (which of course I did realised how stupid of me for not following my usual routine *rebellious*). Though... this felt like Miss Biol all over again. What's with me wanting to be approved by teachers/lecturers who are hard to please, huh? I hate to think that I'm this ドM.. Really... Maybe stoic is a better choice of word. No. Not anymore. Went on this road once before & the result was devastating. I shouldn't care what they think of me. I know what's my best way to learn things & I'm going to stick to that method from now on.

Day 7（水） - Still quite rebellious about doing assignment... nonetheless, I followed my routine. That didn't mean I could run the program smoothly though. Feeling a bit insipid & depressed during class... to the point where I started thinking whether studying something I've fell out of love with in my current university is a good decision or not. Since a year ago, I've thought so many times already in class about how I shouldn't be in that class. It was hard to follow what the lecturer say - partly because I didn't do some reading before class - but most often because I feel like I can just open a book and read at home without attending the class. I really hope the university rule for 100% attendance every semester is changed :/

Day 8-9 （木・金）

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I happened to read that Plato's quote in my Twitter timeline hours ago. It sounded so meaningful today. I wonder why... 

Maybe.. because lately, I've started noticing things from the way people treat & talk to me. I kept thinking "You really don't know me *smug smile*" or "You don't know what I'm capable of".. things like that, & I realised I could also be in the same position with them. Yes.. I can assume their character all I want according to my logics, feelings & sentiments toward someone, but I could still be wrong about them. Even if the person is someone who is [very] close to me. The reason is simple - we are not the same person. Of course I know most people are smart enough to know this is true (me included) but sometimes we forget about this. That someone whose character is considered generally unpleasant by the society might have his/her own problems that not everyone could relate to which made them what they are today.

...

Sigh. This is one of the things I never thought of doing this year - re-connecting with myself and Conscience. It's a good thing really... because I've started to love myself again and be more accepting regarding my talents and failures.