I don't remember much about it except this one particular scene: 

Someone I don't know called me "Karen~!" in a mocking way and I yelled back, "My name is not Karen!" 

SO. WEIRD.

Few weeks into 2019, I'm hit with some past memories... - I guess you can say I'm reminiscing - since I... sigh... have time. I re-read my old blog posts and that already made me miss my own writing. Haha.. I say this every time I re-read posts but the feeling is still true to this day: It's like the past me is a different person. I can almost say I don't know her. 

Also recently, I... *keeps rechecking words and phrases stuff that I should dedicate a post to it*... erm.. reconnected with my Arashi fan side... in a subdued way (since I can never get over my loss of 2 external HD worth of Arashi stuff *that still hurts to type*). Reading depressing news these past few days made me want to think "Do whatever that makes you happy". I still think that is an irresponsible phrase so I will interpret it with caution. 

P/s: This gloominess is probably (partially) caused by hormones *bitter smile*... One good thing when it's near that time of the month is I get sensitive ears : I get to enjoy songs more than usual which can be a curse (because omg the amount of time in a day I put Jinguji Ren's 悪魔のKissは炎より激しく on repeat last year lol / *off topic* & seriously when will I get Perfect/Ultimate combo for Pro in Shining Live like this youtuber??)

  

Arashi's "truth". I always listen to this when I'm angry.
Edited 7 years later. Music video from Arashi's own youtube channel!

Current mood: Bitchy.

Yesterday, while I was busy with the processes (had to go to many places to get the form signed) of renewing my matric card (3 words: Expired. Extension. Important.), I received a text message from my friend about DrA (gosh Mel! I'm so tempted to use the nickname あくま for him *such a perfect initial*). I had given him my form (I want to take another subject this semester but I'm one credit hour over the allowed amount *15*) the day before. Written comment(s) must be attached to the form before the dean can sign it. He knew that all along... & yet he didn't inform me earlier... *annoyed* *あくま！*... Anyway.. he had problems with the subjects I plan to take this semester (all 3rd year subjects).. he suggested that I switch programmes (I'd thought of this before) & I explained I don't want to because I couldn't stand going through another 3 years (AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO/CAN USE THE DEGREE TO GET THE JOB I WANT LATER *arrogant*). Then he further suggested I change - re-take some 2nd year subjects - because all the 3rd year subjects are killer subjects. HUH? You think I'm not aware of that?? ...to be honest, to me, all of them are killer subjects because I hate what I'm studying now! I didn't get it why he was so against the subjects I decided to take this semester! Maa... I can understand if it involved the subjects he teach, I can TOTALLY UNDERSTAND if he doesn't allow me to take them... but it really baffled me. I thought "What the heck was going on?" while I was holding back my tears... 

While he was typing out the official memo (the "comments" needed), I couldn't hold them anymore. Amidst my tears-shedding moment, something he said caught my attention. He was saying something like how could he allow I take those subjects when I failed four subjects... blah blah blah... Then I realised that he was referring to my old results (actually I already barely passed three of them!!). WTH? 1&*^$*@83!!!!!!!!!

To make the story short, for this semester I'm not going take his bloody class. I'm allowed to take the other subject (in which he's in charge of the lab tutorial session) if only I will report to him about my progress (& if it's bad, I have to withdraw from taking the subject).

Life is complicated. 

Anyway, I cried because I couldn't accept the way he was treating me. Yeah, I know, I REALLY KNOW & AWARE that my results aren't good (but that was mostly because I didn't care to study *so bad!*) but I'm not stupid! My ego just can't handle that treatment... I know that I'm good at a lot of things [I like]... he sounds like he's assuming that I'm bad at that. Among the things he asked me was if I finished taking my language classes... WHAT language class? I already got that over with many semesters ago... so obviously he thought I'm taking the 5-semester English class!!!! WHAT???? I know my english level isn't the best, but I dare say mine is better than his! There, I said it! *Arrogance=MAX*... Of course he speaks in english with confidence but he's always committing grammar mistakes *says the grammar enthusiast in me* HUH! 

At this moment, I'm so/still bitchy & bitter about the whole thing that I can't find a place in my heart to respect him anymore. I plan to ignore him for the rest of my life. Expect bad behaviour from me whenever we meet!

Blog meme from here.

Saturday  9: Ain't Too Proud to Beg

1. What was the last thing that you begged for? 

I'll be honest : it's money. Selfish reasons. ...and I won't say what it was for here because it might jinx my chances of getting it :P 

2. Have you ever lost a best friend after a fight? 

Ah... I did... I think I did. Shame on me... can't really remember when & who though. But I re-connected with one of them when I started secondary school. (^_^)V

3. When was the last time you just wanted to be invisible? 

Two semesters ago was the time I realised I'm not interested with what I'm studying now. That realization affected my studies quite a lot. I wasn't motivated in doing assignments, homework & midterm/final exam papers. So it wasn't really a surprise when I screwed up a group assignment for my Virtual Reality class. I really wanted to be invisible on the presentation day. I created my group's poster (on what we created) in a wrong way/format & the whole project wasn't done according to what the lecturer asked for (actually I didn't know it was supposed to be in such a way). I told my partner what I did wrong & somewhat we (or I?) ended up telling my lecturer the truth. We were asked to present anyway. I didn't realised that my partner went missing during preparation. Ah.. I think I had mix reactions at that moment. My partner didn't answer the phone when I called her. I almost wanted to cry when my other classmates gave their moral support. Was thinking something like "Is this situation this bad already?" I actually thought of running away too XD

Wow. I didn't think this answer will be long lol..

4. Which room of your home tends to be the messiest? 

Ah... my room? It's hard not to notice because I spend most of my time in my room XD

5. You are to be locked in a room forever with a celebrity. You get to choose. Who do you pick? 

Arashi! Better yet...Ohno Satoshi! Hope he didn't learn much about pick-locking for his dorama XD

6. Has someone ever left another person to be with you? 

No.

7. What’s been kind of a drag for you lately? 

Programming assignments.

8. How are you different from your (current or most recent) significant other? 

Can't provide answer. Not applicable. XD

9. What is the most perverted thing someone has ever said to you?

I don't remember.

...because I was sick.

Afternoon class (CG) was... URGGH. Honestly, if I choose to exaggerate, dying would be easier than surviving this class. Good thing I dropped out from the class I went to yesterday because this CG class is definitely going to rob all the time I have for myself & maybe... my time for other subjects too. Fortunately I'm not taking both Dr A's classes (no way I'm taking VR again!!) this semester. I'm going to focus on this one & only non-Math subject without having the burden to think of any other similar computer/programming subjects... & die a slow death while I'm at it (had I mention that dying would be easier? Oh yeah, I did). If this doesn't kill me, I still have other three Math classes to torture me to death, if death is necessary.

Yes, yes! I'm nervous!

I don't think I can handle this class... but what to do? I must take this subject this semester..or it will interfere with my 1-year extension plan. 

Met a coursemate (same batch) I haven't seen for a long time. At least I'm happy to know that I have a familiar face taking the same class. 

And... Ohno has a new dorama this Spring. 

A new dorama.

A new dorama.

A new dorama!!

A new dorama!!!!

A NEW DORAMA!!!!!

<3

So...it has been a year since I became a fan of Ohno Satoshi & Arashi.

Sigh. I actually miss being a fan/in a fandom like this. Constantly having to worry about money XD. Desperate to learn a new language...etc. There are some differences though. I won't buy magazines anymore. I buy things that I could use rather than things that are kept away in a special drawer/shelf (true story XD). OH. There are exceptions (again). I don't listen to the CDs I purchased because I don't want them to have scratches. I would have watched the Concert DVDs if my DVD player can play them.

In short, life is good.

Well, except for my university life.

My fangirl dream is to go to Ohno Satoshi's art exhibitions. Not concerts (too noisy for me).

That... and for Satoshi-kun to have doramas/movies every year.

Oh well. Different fans have different characteristics & priorities. 

Not making any sense here... * reminiscences fangirl life* 

...& more to come~

Tempting shop photos... But I really have to watch what Arashi stuff I buy because Single/Album/DVD release have the utmost priority in my list, followed by books (photobooks, songbooks excluding magazines) and then whatever left I could spare for other things. Like Shop photos. XD

 

 

*laughs*

There are times random phrases will come into my mind. I always thought I should write it down, because I thought it would be interesting to compose a song with those phrases. No songs have been composed yet though XD. It's just that I found this note in a box I put things I don't-know-what-to-do-with. I thought it's from a lyric or some poem (just so you know, I'm not really a fan of poems), but I didn't get anything from googling them. Feel free to correct me if they ARE someone else's.

I don't know what happened that made me write that... & I suspect I must be in a depressed stressed situation... Man I really don't know what was it. But the fact that I could laugh while reading it now (instead of pondering bitterly/deeply of how true they are) must mean that it's better now. Wait..what? What's better? Gosh. These phrases don't make any sense at all!

Just thought of doing this because I did a post on my year 2009, I want one for year 2010 too!

But I'll do it in this style : Past, Present, and Future.

Past : First Half (January-Jun 2010)
2010 was EVENTFUL. I did another NaBloPoMo challenge for January 2010 (which explains why there were so many odd posts in that month XD). My sister went to Selangor for PLKN. Semester 2 started and I did a few posts on my classes and happenings in university. I still have studying problems as usual. I made a checklist to help me but that was a total failure LOL. I also did a blog meme (did many but this one is special) that gave out interesting results.

Gosh! The difference between now and then!! Most of my posts are laid-back and some are personal thoughts... And I was still obsessed with Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato (Camp Rock effects, thank you).


Past : Second Half (July-December 2010)
From past experience, I usually don't blog much in mid-year. I don't remember much for 2010 too. Unless it's my obsession, course. Looking at my Tumblr's archive, it started with "Nodame Cantabile" in September.

And then Ohno Satoshi happened. It was declared in a tweet on Sept 26th.

Ohno Satoshi. Crush. *Hazukashi!!!* :") #maou

Maou.

Life is never the same again after I entered the Arashi fandom.


Pre-Present
It's going to be the 5th semester this coming semester. & I SCREWED UP A LOT. One VERY IMPORTANT fact that I realised in the 4th semester (DISASTROUS)- I don't like Maths. WHAT THE HECK. It took almost 2 years to finally accept this fact. TOTALLY SCREWED UP.

Some things changed last semester. Like suddenly having no motivation to go to French classes. That was so weird. It's like I never wanted to learn French in the first place. But I will continue learning the language though because it's my dream to be able to talk gibberish in several languages when I'm in panic mode.


Present
No more Yamashita Tomohisa. No more Joe Jonas. No more. Ohno Satoshi is different. Who would have thought it would come to this? The me who didn't care to buy any Arashi singles in the past ("NEWS' singles/albums are more important" thoughts) is now desperate to find extra money for Arashi's singles/albums/Live DVDs XD. That Ohno... is irresistible. He was always invisible to me but when I finally saw him, the other members are blurred out perfectly now. *starts talking nonsense* XD

Because of Ohno Satoshi & Arashi, I re-developed wishes to learn japanese again and it was smooth-sailing unlike last time. It's like... because I have a reason, I can stay interested. I see that it's really important for me to really want to learn a language to get the grasp of it. It's totally different from just wanting to learn for the sake of learning new things.


Future
Something I don't want to think of now

SIGH.

Seeing other people updating their blog inspires me to update mine too... but I'm not ready yet to share some thoughts I have that have been dwelling on these few months. It's a little hard to do that now. *stares into space*

So...erm.. I'll blog about something that I can reveal for now first.

Firstly, starting from this post, I'm going to include some snippets from my other blogs which you may or may not continue reading there. :P
I'd been thinking back and forth on creating just one main blog (which includes music diary, fangirling & review posts) but I decided to continue with the separate style... so yeah.

Secondly, I WANT AN OHNO SATOSHI SUMMER DORAMA! Grrghhgh. I miss watching him in action. I need a new dorama. He needs to have a new dorama every season to make up for all that years he wasn't in doramas on TV (WHERE WERE YOU, OHNO? STAGEPLAYS. BUT I CAN'T WATCH YOUR STAGEPLAYS!).

[Fangirl mode : ON]

There'd been rumours since two months ago. It started with "謎解きはディナーの後で" (originally was Sho's dorama rumour) which supposedly includes Yamada Yu and Tanihara Shosuke. And then another one with Takei Emi for "美男ですね" (a korean drama remake). "美男ですね" was confirmed for summer but the cast is different. (I don't wish for this one to happen anyway :P). Then there was one about a war dorama too, which includes MatsuJun. (I think there's another one but I that wasn't much mentioned)

RUMOURS. BLEH.

Oh...He might have chosen to do butai (stageplay) too, right? The last one was three years ago..& he does have more interest in butais compared to dorama.. (¬_¬)

Almost all summer doramas have been announced so...I guess... a dorama in fall season maybe? *hopeful*


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Other posts
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"Why People Can't Enjoy Watching Maou"
Sometimes I regret not being a part of the Maou era (2008)... Actually the thing I regret most regarding Maou era is I didn't get to... [Read more]

Shizuka na Yoru Ni
This song is fun to play on the piano! But since there's a renovation going at the kitchen side of my house, I can't go near the piano any time I want to... [Read more]
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