Showing posts with label Self-talk. Show all posts

試験結果

It seems like my piano exam result was out last Monday...? Did I remember the wrong date?... AH. I can only wait till my class this coming Sunday to know. *sigh*

Regarding my final exam results for last semester... well... it wasn't bad... from my point of view... I finally passed one of the subjects I failed few semesters ago. But I failed the other class again *omigosh. I just laughed to myself after I typed that out XD*... Forgive me if I sound unrepentant. It's shameful indeed. But I have totally lost any interest in what I'm studying. I seriously thought of switching programs/majors after I saw my exam result.. man. I even thought of quitting!

I decided not to in the end because it would be very bothersome & wasteful.

*BIG SIGH*

Actually I knew it was going to be like that... Arghh. I hate the thoughts of taking classes with Dr A again. .............................................

Anyway.. now I'm worried about my final year project. I actually had interest in random numbers (totally no idea under what subtopic this is under though)... But after the few hours of thinking of switching & quitting, I think that topic is too hard for me too handle... it's also very risky considering my lack of motivation.

The only thing I'm interested in doing now is my music theory (my piano teacher have the same thing in mind with me - Grade 5's Theory exam instead of Grade 4's!)... so predictably, it led me to thinking of doing research on mathematics & music. But...I don't know where to start! Which lecturer to consult with? What topic? *the worst thing is I can already imagine Dr A smirking ~~like a ドS~~ during viva/progress presentation because this topic isn't as good as what his field can offer. URGHH.* Ha......... I should start reading articles regarding this. The least I can do is find some info before I meet my mentor. This too... I can already imagine her nagging why I didn't do better last semester & maybe... how will I find work later with these not-so-bright results.. huh. *evil smirk*... ah.. but I can answer this if it ever come up. "I'm really, really, REALLY not interested in Math. But even with these mediocre results, I want to be able to graduate." "... I can always be a piano teacher if I want to... because I CAN."

....

Somewhat... I'm beginning to think that I'm going to start talking back at my lecturers next semester (Oh gosh!!)... ~~student with bad attitudes in the making?~~ Have to admit... I've gone from hating what I study to hating everyone related to what I study.

I'm grateful that I didn't get a PTPTN loan.

I'm grateful that I take up piano lessons again four years ago.

I'm grateful that I took piano & music theory exams.

Time: 2012-07-25T01:02:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2012 posts , Angry , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , Life: Furthering Studies , No Mood , Piano Exam , Self-talk

thinking

Posted in: 2011 posts | Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) | NaBloPoMo | Self-talk | University: Year 3

Didn't do much today. Lolled at my writing desk the whole noon while browsing the internet~

I was thinking.

Some articles I found online made me think over things. It's... a moment where you sit down and self-reflect by asking yourself a lot of personal & [quite] harsh questions. ~~Conscience? Is this conscience?~~

*stares into space*

I think I'll go write something in my physical personal diary now.

Time: 2011-09-24T22:42:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2011 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , NaBloPoMo , Self-talk , University: Year 3

Sick

Spent most of my day sleeping... with fever & stomach ache.
Sigh.

Going to sleep early~~~

Time: 2011-09-16T21:16:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2011 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , NaBloPoMo , No Mood , Self-talk , University: Year 3

Sept 1st at random

1| It’s my birthday today~ (birthday post here) I wasn’t out/didn’t do anything to celebrate though… The fact that it’s the first day of the month alone is enough to make me happy XD.

2| …because September is such a special month (to me), I decided to join this month’s NaBloPoMo. I really miss my blogger side~ I mean, I always update things for my own sake in the future (as a record or something)… It has always been that way.. but this year, I’ve only made 10 posts (excluding my other blogs) here. I don’t want to repeat 2007 again (7 posts!). ~~Time for experimental posts again XD~~

3| And…hehehehe September – 26th of September – was the day I first tweeted about erm.. liking Ohno Satoshi. Watching Maou was almost like a beautiful mistake XD. I watched it expecting nothing much and as a fan of Ikuta Toma[’s acting] but in the end, it led me to ~~being Ohno-baited~~ becoming a fan of Ohno Satoshi (& consequently, Arashi). I’m still amazed at myself of how fast I progressed to being a ~~full-fledged~~ fan (though I did get to know about them when I watched HanaDan in 2005). The irritating thing is… once I’m in a fandom, all my blog posts will mention something about Ohno 0r Arashi *a warning? XD*. But this time, MAYBE… only subtly because there’s a reason why I have a LJ blog ~~for fangirling purposes~~…

4| Recently I’ve been cooking at home a lot. To me, cooking is a de-stress activity. I used to think I had to avoid cooking when I have classes that day because it’s time-consuming. But now, it’s like something I want to do whenever I could ~~& want to eat something~~. Sometimes it’s like a game. My dad likes to buy raw ingredients…randomly (I don’t think he remembers what’s left in the refrigerator when he’s buying XD), so I have to figure out what to cook using those [extra] ingredients to avoid them being wasted. The funny thing is, this sudden increase in interest started after I watched an episode of “Arashi no Shukudai-kun” with Ueto Aya. Ohno-san was the presenter and the topic was on bagels. That episode made me curious of how bagels taste like because the bread-lover/future-bread shop-owner Ohno didn’t like them that much. Gosh… just typing those out made me crave bagels again. Maybe I’ll make some tomorrow ^_^

Time: 2011-09-01T23:43:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 1st post , 2011 posts , Arashi 嵐 , at random , Birthday , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , NaBloPoMo , Ohno Satoshi 大野智 , Self-talk

I miss this place.

SIGH.

Seeing other people updating their blog inspires me to update mine too... but I'm not ready yet to share some thoughts I have that have been dwelling on these few months. It's a little hard to do that now. *stares into space*

So...erm.. I'll blog about something that I can reveal for now first.

Firstly, starting from this post, I'm going to include some snippets from my other blogs which you may or may not continue reading there. :P
I'd been thinking back and forth on creating just one main blog (which includes music diary, fangirling & review posts) but I decided to continue with the separate style... so yeah.

Secondly, I WANT AN OHNO SATOSHI SUMMER DORAMA! Grrghhgh. I miss watching him in action. I need a new dorama. He needs to have a new dorama every season to make up for all that years he wasn't in doramas on TV (WHERE WERE YOU, OHNO? STAGEPLAYS. BUT I CAN'T WATCH YOUR STAGEPLAYS!).

[Fangirl mode : ON]

There'd been rumours since two months ago. It started with "謎解きはディナーの後で" (originally was Sho's dorama rumour) which supposedly includes Yamada Yu and Tanihara Shosuke. And then another one with Takei Emi for "美男ですね" (a korean drama remake). "美男ですね" was confirmed for summer but the cast is different. (I don't wish for this one to happen anyway :P). Then there was one about a war dorama too, which includes MatsuJun. (I think there's another one but I that wasn't much mentioned)

RUMOURS. BLEH.

Oh...He might have chosen to do butai (stageplay) too, right? The last one was three years ago..& he does have more interest in butais compared to dorama.. (¬_¬)

Almost all summer doramas have been announced so...I guess... a dorama in fall season maybe? *hopeful*

===============================================
Other posts
===============================================
"Why People Can't Enjoy Watching Maou"
Sometimes I regret not being a part of the Maou era (2008)... Actually the thing I regret most regarding Maou era is I didn't get to... [Read more]

Shizuka na Yoru Ni
This song is fun to play on the piano! But since there's a renovation going at the kitchen side of my house, I can't go near the piano any time I want to... [Read more]
===============================================

Time: 2011-06-02T20:43:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2011 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , Dorama , Life , Nonsense , Ohno Satoshi 大野智 , Self-talk

Ça va?

It's one of those days.

*The one day where I don't really have something to say but insist on making a blog post.*

How are you? How is everyone?

Even though I didn't blog much last month, many things had happened since then. But they were all very mundane and me-ish... Geh.
Since when did I care if what I blog is lame or not...
(*￣m￣)ﾌﾟﾌﾟｯ

Actually, I am tired of thinking of what other people think about me. Tired and bored. I keep trying not to do that nowadays but sometimes I will catch myself doing just that. Baka! Old habits do haunt you from time to time, don't they?

I'm re-watching "Nodame Cantabile"... and I was crying like mad as I watch the last few episodes. Such hardworking characters... I was amazed and inspired. Even Nodame who doesn't like to study/practise (in the beginning) is working hard to reach her ambitions.

Yappari da ne?

You should have something you fight for in your life... or it would be meaningless even though you work hard to get it. The right efforts for a right aim.

"What am I fighting for?" I never really did think deeply about it... You can't always live in the present. You have to steal some of your present time to think about your future & maybe a bit of the past so that you won't repeat the same mistake.

At least a month more to go before final exam. Please try harder this time.

---
p/s: "Maou" is pretty dark to me. It was interesting! I think I'm having a mild crush on Ohno Satoshi (from Arashi). Oh man, he sure can act! (& I do have a thing for singers that can act). Took me two years to realise this fact. Should I hunt his other doramas? Yes, please. Am I free enough to write an amateur review on this dorama? Maybe.

Time: 2010-10-01T18:24:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 1st post , 2010 posts , Arashi 嵐 , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , Life , Nonsense , Ohno Satoshi 大野智 , Self-talk , University: Year 2

Sigh. Halting Practice.

Posted in: 2010 posts | Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) | No Mood | Self-talk | University: Year 2

The tiring new semester has put a stall on my piano practice. I didn't expect this to happen. Just as I get home, all I can think of is sleeping... I play the piano just to forget anything stressful (ah... I'm abusing the piano!!!).

And also, I've gotten really cranky recently. I found myself on the verge of losing my temper most of the time. I am constantly annoyed by "unintelligence", be it from a student/coursemate or a lecturer or a parent. I long to go sightseeing just to remind myself how beautiful this world is, that nature is kinder than people; that the people I'm angry at is not worth of my time, & that I will do well this semester if I care to study constantly everyday. Grrr. I don't have to hasten my pace just to catch up with those ******s.

As you can read from the tone of this post, I am in a foul mood.

Leave me alone! I think I'm going to cry now... or maybe laugh awkwardly at this situation because at the time I finished typing this, I realised something funny (not telling).

Time: 2010-08-13T22:20:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2010 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , No Mood , Self-talk , University: Year 2

2-read

Posted in: 2010 posts | Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) | NaBloPoMo | No Mood | Self-talk

TheUniversityBlog : Can exams ever be fun? [Link]

Stepcase Lifehack : 11 Reasons Why You Aren’t Getting Results [Link]

----------------
Current Mood: ┐(´д`)┌

Time: 2010-05-21T19:13:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2010 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , NaBloPoMo , No Mood , Self-talk

13 Thoughts.

*Part of "Thursday 13" meme. May 20th, 2010.*

1. Glee tribute episode yesterday (on Star World) was surprisingly boring. My Rachel hate meter hit the max.

2. My favourite character in "Friends" is Phoebe. She's quirky and weird but still lovable.

3. Nick Jonas was funny on "I Get That A Lot".

4. Just finished Jane Austen's "Persuasion" yesterday. I went to sleep early at 10pm and ended up reading the book till 12.30pm. I actually love Anne Elliot better than Emma Woodhouse (from "Emma").

5. Currently trying to watch all "The Ring" & "Ringu" movies.

6. Have you seen Zachary Levi sing? Sometimes I can hear his voice when I woke up late in the morning.

7. I want a red Satio... but considering other cell phones available with similar prices, it's so hard to pick. I dunno why I have this confidence that I will get it so that's why I'm doing my homework early. The other two contenders are an Android phone and one of Apple products.

8. The last episode of the final season of Monk is airing tomorrow on Star World. I'd done well at preventing myself from reading spoilers. Wow... It's the end.

9. My google reader subscriptions are more personal than my diary. I read things you thought no one will read. What makes it scarier (& maybe creepier?), I have 'copies' of everything.

10. I am very nervous for my upcoming piano practical exam. I still don't understand myself.

11. I love Switchfoot songs! My latest favourite is "Let That Be Enough". Hmmm. Maybe it's because the lyric reflected my current mind (the beginning part).

12. Why is it so scary but somewhat fun to kill zombies in Left 4 Dead 2? I don't usually play games with zombies. The last Zombie game I played was this.

13. I'm sad. Feeling down. :(

Time: 2010-05-20T23:26:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2010 posts , Blog Meme , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , NaBloPoMo , Nonsense , Self-talk

More Dreams

Posted in: 2010 posts | Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) | I Need to Talk About My Dreams | NaBloPoMo | Self-talk

"I Dreamt Dreams."

To see a caterpillar in a dream, denotes that low and hypocritical people are in your immediate future, and you will do well to keep clear of deceitful appearances. You may suffer a loss in love or business. To dream of a caterpillar, foretells you will be placed in embarrassing situations, and there will be small honor or gain to be expected. [Source]

To dream of caterpillars means that there is little to be gained in the immediate future. To have caterpillars crawling upon you augurs that there are annoying people of low status in your future. [Source]

My current recurring dream is this : Small, green caterpillars crawling on my legs and arms.

Fear of caterpillars?

Hmmm. When I look up for the meaning of the dream... I expected something psychological. But in the end I found only 'things that going to happen in the future'. Can't believe that 100%... but those are some interesting meanings, right? Especially that part where both sites said similar thing - "..denotes that low and hypocritical people are in your immediate future, and you will do well to keep clear of deceitful appearances." & "To have caterpillars crawling upon you augurs that there are annoying people of low status in your future." ~Low...~

Time: 2010-05-16T16:43:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2010 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , I Need to Talk About My Dreams , NaBloPoMo , Self-talk

Another Crichton Book.

Today, I finished another Michael Crichton book. "Disclosure". Whenever I look for his books at the public library, strangely, I always overlook this book. I wasn't interested when I read the summary on the back cover.

I finally read it anyway. I thought this book is a little different compared to his other books. The events were so tense, somewhat thought-provoking & fast-paced - this is the first time I want to scream at Crichton's characters - the injustice & obvious bias made me angry.

Though there's a twist in the end, the issues at the beginning was related to a male employee (Tom Sanders) who was sexually-harassed by his female boss (Meredith Johnson). The company they're working for defended Johnson even though it became more & more apparent that she's guilty. What do you think? It's unlikely? That it must been the male's fault? There's one character (a columnist/journalist) that represented individuals who think of it that way. She condemned Sanders in her column & wanted to do more articles like that without even doing more investigation on the matter. She readily acknowledged that the male was the guilty one although she didn't know the entire story. Sander's lawyer, Louise Fernandez, said this :

"...harassment is a power issue. And power is neither male or female. Whoever is behind the desk has the opportunity to abuse power. A women will take advantage as often as men."

It's not entirely a gender question (e.g. the other should control themselves etc); sometimes the other way round can happen (female harassing male). It's all about power that a person possess that can affect the other person's life.

At the end of the book, the company's big boss talked to Fernandez (with a what's-the-big-deal attitude), in which she told him :

"The fact is, there's a category of behaviour that no one condones anymore. The supervisor who grabs genitals, who squeezes breasts in the elevator, who invites an assistant on a business trip but books only one hotel room. All that is ancient history. If you have an employee behaving like that, whether that employee is male of female, gay or straight, you are obliged to stop it."

It was interesting to read the part where Johnson still denies her wrongdoings even though her true colours had been exposed. She said to Sanders :

"But I beat you fair and square, Tom. I don't deserve this. I've been screwed by the damned system."

Tom's reply to her :

"No you haven't. You've been fucking your assistants for years. You've been taking every advantage of your position that you could. You've been living on image and every third word out of your mouth is a lie. Now you're feeling sorry for yourself. You think the system is what's wrong. But you know what, Meredith? The system didn't screw you. The system revealed you, and dumped you out. Because when you get right down to it, you're completely full of shit."

(I was so glad that Sanders told her that, because that's basically what I want to scream at her!)

Anyway. I'm not giving a book review here. It was a good read. On a side note, in the author's afterword section, he said the book is based on a true story.

I've already read most of his books since two years ago but "Disclosure" made me realise that I'm a fan. I'm going to start to collect books written by him.

p/s : This book also made me want to read more about the laws we have here. It doesn't hurt to know (in fact I think it's obligatory, you can't say you commit a crime because you don't know the law).

Time: 2010-05-15T23:19:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2010 posts , Books , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , NaBloPoMo , Personal Thoughts , Self-talk

Nervous Butterflies

*gulps*

I only knew the exam date for one day... and I've become worriedly nervous this whole day.

Like last year's, I don't expect to get best marks. As long as it's good enough, I'm happy.

But I don't have that confidence right now.

It seems that I still can't get the tempo and dynamics right. So inconsistent. I can't tell if it sounds good enough for 'good' marks. I believe that the songs have their own moods which I have to understand and think of it every time I play that piece. But sometimes when I think the mood is like this, Ms Chong (my piano teacher) will say otherwise, which always leaves me confused. Sigh.

Anyway... Speaking of music... Yesterday, there were "Mother's Day" performances during church service. One of the performance was by children, which kinda turned out wrong in the beginning. Their teacher played the intro to their song using the church's guitar. The children started singing off-key. It got a bit awkward for the teacher. So - as explained to me by people who knows how to play the guitar - the problem was with the church guitar which was not tuned for the children's voices. Okay, whatever. That's not my point. The teacher stopped playing. Then, our church's pianist went to the electric piano and played music accompanying the children. It's an impromptu accompaniment. I was so impressed.

I'm not there yet. That level... where you can play what you just listened (or is listening!).... it's out of my league. I can't even memorize well... I will always need music sheets. Sigh. I think it's nice to be good at playing by ears. & also... songwriting. Haha. I'm tempted to tell my teacher : "Let's compose a song."

Oh, well....

Time: 2010-05-10T23:56:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2010 posts , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , Life , NaBloPoMo , Piano , Piano Exam , Self-talk

Wants and Do's

It's easy to say that you want something or want to do something in the future. To do it is almost impossible... at least in my case, it is. *sigh*

Semester 2 will commence a month later. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not far away. It's happening. Doesn't matter if I'm ready for it or not, the second semester is coming. It was so easy to think that to make up for the laziness in Semester 1, I want to use this semester break to prepare for Semester 2. Yes. Easy. But I realise later on there's a loophole in my resolution.

I don't know where to start.

This is a very uncomfortable feeling. It's holding me back.

If you've been reading my previous posts (especially those during exam), you know I have worries for some of the courses I'd taken for Semester 1. I'm afraid if I there's need to repeat certain courses because I know I didn't do well for the exam. Then, should I start from there? Return to those courses? Re-study, review, revise? What the heck. When you reach the next semester, the previous semester is a thing of past, why should you look back?

So should I straight away start with Semester 2's courses? By studying beforehand the courses I'm taking for Semester 2, I wouldn't feel too overwhelmed when there's too much to read and write. But what if some of the courses require knowledge I should have learnt/studied from Semester 1? That's why I said I don't know where to start. There's things to think of and consider.

For now, I'm relying on my instinct and curiosity. Which topic that first come up in my mind, I'll study/learn about that first. When there's prerequisite stuff I need to know then only I'll take out the related reference books and notes again.

I think that's better than not doing anything, right?
*Baby steps, Ruth. Baby steps.*

I want to be best friends with Curiosity. I have always denied his ideas but now I don't see why I should continue doing that. He gives somewhat good, interesting ideas. I'm keen to try them now to see if they work for me. All I need are courage and discipline to execute his ideas.

Time: 2009-11-25T13:42:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Courses , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , Me. , NaBloPoMo , Self-talk

Eye-check

Posted in: 2009 posts | Life | Me. | Personal Thoughts | Self-talk

This is a long post....and you chose to read it. Hmm.

I don't know where to begin.

*long sigh*

Side story:
This is hard for me to admit.

Well. I wanted to become a doctor. Wanted. Notice that? That was the reason I re-take STPM. And... to cut the story short... I didn't do it any better than the previous one. Let's just say the grades aren't beautiful enough for me to qualify for a a medical degree. I've long accepted (since I finished the 2nd STPM) the fact that I am not cut out for it. I'm very lazy. I'm always procrastinating. Blah blah blah. So before I start thinking myself as a total failure (medicine isn't the only thing I can study in university) - my auto-pilot system took control of me - I began thinking of other courses that I am interested in... (Doesn't mean that I wasn't interested enough in medicine.)... Courses that "don't care" if my Biology sucks. Or my Chemistry. Or Maths. Okay. At least I think the course "doesn't care". Suddenly, Anthropology becomes appealing to me. Since little, I always thought I'm interested in Physchology - to study why people do what they do - but it seems I was mistaken. I never knew about Anthropology. But I was always keen to know why the people at old times did what they did.

So, from medicine I changed my "aim" to anthropology.

And now comes the real motive for this post.

So. [I think] My mum wasn't convinced that I'm "embracing" anthropology so she doesn't give up helping me. Recently she made me apply to a university in Indonesia to study medicine. This university wanted proof that I'm not colour blind from an ophthalmologist. So we went to the Luyang Hospital. We were literally kicked from one place to another. The counter that manage the registration said we have to ask the medical check-up counter. The medical check-up counter said we must see a doctor/medical officer first. So we went. Waited for almost an hour to get in. Then, we were sent back to the medical check-up counter. Oh. We were wrong. We should meet the ophthalmologist at the Elizabeth Hospital. They don't have ophthalmologist at this Luyang branch. So he asked us to go there first...

It was nearing 4pm... so we opted for Dr. Muthu (an ophthalmologist) near Luyang. His clinic is closed at 4.30pm. When we got there, he was still in. But the nurse said he's going out (he has an appointment)... The colour blind takes a long time to complete, she informed us. So, another no-go.

4++pm. Eventually we went to SMC. I was the only patient waiting at the Eye Clinic. After completing my records... I got in and met a Dr. Molly. I "fell in love" with her instantly. She's what I imagined a doctor should be. She seems like a firm person (not fierce) but she speaks so warmly to us. She asked why the university wanted proof, what I'm planning to study and why. The only weird and maybe awkward moment was when she asked why I want to study medicine. I became speechless although I knew what my reasons were. Were. I couldn't answer her because I'm already getting comfortable with choosing anthropology... Applying to Indonesian university wasn't my choice.

That's it. My experience with three medical institutions.. just to get my eyes checked for colour blindness and a letter to prove it. I tried my best to make everything neutral - without the insults and angry moments - although I did say I like Dr. Molly in the end.

Time: 2009-04-23T23:52:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Life , Me. , Personal Thoughts , Self-talk

Happy Thoughts?

Post: March 3rd, 2009.

Erm. It's March. I will start my driving classes this month.

Post: March 7th, 2009.

A tiring day of doing nothing but sitting and listening.

Post: March 11th, 2009.

I haven't read my KPP book.

What happened to my driving lessons?

I was given 1 week to read the KPP book. I took 2 weeks to start reading it. Then it dragged to another week because I was too sad to study the road signs and rules. Last Monday, the driving tutor called and I (kind of) panicked, and said (impulsively) I'll take the 1st Test (the computer test) this Saturday.

Which is today.

But... Yokatta!!!!!!!!

Well, I "crammed" the days between Monday and Saturday... and I scored 1 point more than the pass score (42/50). I almost can't believe it because I didn't put much effort. Forty three?! The effort and result do not seem to add up.

~~Anyway. I can't go to piano class tomorrow because the tutor suggested to me to do the "bengkel" class in which I agreed.~~ Oops. Will do that next week, not tomorrow.

Oh, yeah. Last week, Ms Chong asked me if I did my practice.. I was playing the song I said too cheery for me to play. I answered yes because I did practised that song a day earlier, when my mum was watching a show I hate in the night. *sigh*

I really need to set my priorities correctly.

But, the thing is...
I'll just say this shamelessly. I know I'm a smart person but I'm also very lazy. It's always 0 or 100 for me. If I started on a project early I could finish it faster than anyone else but when I did it last minute... I may be the last person to hand it in.

*Stupid, stupid bad habits*

That's one more thing to change about myself.

---

I finished "Emma" a few days ago. Finally. I started on Feb 23rd... and it took me one month to finish reading it. Luckily I don't hate Emma. I'm neutral to the title character. Till the end, I'm still loving Mr Knightley!

But...
I'm sorry to say this but the story didn't really work for me. I mean, I don't find it as romantic as "Pride and Prejudice", not that exciting like "Northanger Abbey" either... I even seem to prefer "Sense and Sensibility" to this...

Well. Not all people like the same thing. People look for different things in books.

I haven't read all Jane Austen books yet, but "Pride and Prejudice" is still my favourite, followed by "Northanger Abbey", "Sense and Sensibility" and "Emma".

---

Erm... One more thing.

Have I said it here that I'm a big fan of "Camp Rock"? (To myself: How old are you anyway?) I already tried to avoid liking anything new... but I can't prevent myself from liking Camp Rock, Demi Lovato... and Joe Jonas...

If you look at my last.fm profile, Jonas Brothers has taken over NEWS in my "Top Artists" chart!

Which may explain why I wasn't bothered (why should I be?) at all when Mel-chan fell in love with Yamapi. *Sorry, Mel! I have to say that here.*

Haha.

This is only a fever/crush or.. something. It will go away, eventually. I hope. Or not... I think my NEWS fever will be back because they are going to have a new single this month! Koi no ABO! What a title! But I can't wait, anyway!

Obviously someone is in a good mood today.

Time: 2009-04-04T14:39:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Books , Friends , Interest , Learning to Drive , Life , Me. , My Fangirl Side , Random-ness , Self-talk

Sad and Angry.

I still can't believe that she's gone.

It's so surprising...

I find consolation in getting angry at the murderer(s)...

Blue has a new meaning.

I'm so hurt... and I confessed, I'm in an unforgiving state of mind.

I'M VERY ANGRY.

*smiles bitterly*
Two positive thing I've learnt from this incident...

My neighbourhood is evil.
Maybe it wasn't a blue Avanza after all.
Maybe the neighbour that informed us was the murderer.
Maybe it's a blue Avanza.
Our left and right neighbours are evil people. Evil creatures.
They smoke and they throw the cigarette into our lawn.
They want to kill my family... and our lungs.

People are naturally bad.
I know that I myself isn't a perfectly good person.
People are naturally bad.
Never assume someone is kind until you see their evil side.
People are naturally bad.

I miss my cat.
I'm very angry.
I'm in my cranky mood - I'll might not care what I'll say to you.
I'm in my sensitive mode. I'll burst out crying no matter when and where.

An excerpt from a post made in 2008
There might be people who wonder why death of a non-human could affect a human so much (My younger brother cried, no..., sobbed, because he saw the cat died during her last moments. He refused to go to school.) I guess, maybe it has something to do with familiarity. Something you already get used to see, touch, hear etc everyday suddenly is not there anymore. In short, we feel their absence because they were present in our life.

I can't sleep in my room these days. I will cry remembering that she was there.

I miss her so much.
I really, really miss her.

Time: 2009-03-22T21:01:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Angry , Death , Life , Me. , Self-talk

I Love You, Kuro...

Posted in: 2009 posts | Angry | Life | Personal Thoughts | Self-talk

My black cat died today.

Kuro is the most intelligent cat I ever met.

Do animals go to heaven when they die?

I hope so. I'm sure she will be happy there.

What a difference a day made.

She was still lingering in my room last night.

A neighbour said a blue car hit her in the midnight.

I was still awake at that time...

Why didn't I look out the window?
Why didn't I know about it earlier?

This sadness is hard to be translated into words.

I hate blue Avanzas'.

Time: 2009-03-20T12:31:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Angry , Life , Personal Thoughts , Self-talk

Silly Music

Posted in: 2009 posts | Arashi 嵐 | Ohno Satoshi 大野智 | Random-ness | Self-talk

Stolen from phil_knall who stole this from elin.
Found this. Thought I'll try it too with my mp3 player.
First Try.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY.
Kotoba Yori Taisetsu Na Mono by Arashi

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Around the World + Go! Sora by Monkey Majik

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Believe In Me by Demi Lovato

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Best Friend by NEWS

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Brand New Day, Brand New Life by V6

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE, IN GENERAL?
Buses and Trains by Bachelor Girl

CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
Buses and Trains (Alternate version) by Bachelor Girl

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Call My Name Bi Shang Yan, Mo Nian San Bian by 183 Club and 7 Flowers

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Change the World by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
CHERISH by NEWS

NAME YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY:
Dakishimetai by Tamaki Hiroshi

WHAT IS 2+2?
Dasenai Tegami by V6

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE?
Fiesta by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Flavor of Life by Utada Hikaru

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Flavor of Life -Ballad Version- by Utada Hikaru

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Fly Again by NEWS

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANECDOTE?
Fly Me to the Moon (In Other Words) by Utada Hikaru

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Forever by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Gotta Find You by Joe Jonas

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I'll Be There for You by The Rembrandts

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Fuyu no Nioi by Arashi

WHAT WILL YOU PLAY TO YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR?
Hanabi by Mr. Children

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS YOUR LAST DANCE?
Happiness by Arashi

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hero by Arashi

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Higher Stage by Fukuyama Masaharu

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Do by Cyndi Wang

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I Don't Feel the Same by Thomas Godoj

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I give smile to you by V6

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
I Like It by KAT-TUN

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
If it Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
I.ZA.NA.I.ZU.KI by NEWS

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Key of Life by Nakamaru Yuichi (KAT-TUN)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Kimi e to by Tamaki Hiroshi

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Kiss shite by KOH+

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Life by Nakashima Mika

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Love So Sweet by Arashi

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Lovebug by Jonas Brothers

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW?
lovin life by Funky Monkey Babys

WHAT'S YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Lucky by Ashily

WHO'S ON FIRST?
Magical Smile Mo Fa by 183 Club

IS THERE SOMETHING WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU?
Mejirushi no Kioku by V6

ANY FURTHER THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?
MOLA by NEWS

Second Try. Shuffle mode (which was why some songs were repeated.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY.
Gomen ne Juliet by Yamashita Tomohisa

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Hero by Arashi

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Planetarium by Otsuka Ai

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I.ZA.NA.I.ZU.KI by NEWS

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Saviour in the dark by JAM PROJECT

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE, IN GENERAL?
The Scientist by Coldplay

CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
Oretachi no Seishun by Hey! Say! JUMP

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Reason by Hoobastank

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
To Me by Survival Company

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
lovin life by FUNKY MONKEY BABYS

NAME YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY:
Dakishimetai by Tamaki Hiroshi (same)

WHAT IS 2+2?
realize by melody.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE?
You by KAT-TUN

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Pure Love Zhen Ai by 183 Club

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Picture Perfect by Monkey Majik

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
ordinary by NEWS

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANECDOTE?
I Don't Feel the Same by Thomas Godoj

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Mola by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
truth by Arashi

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
On the Line by Demi Lovato feat. The Jonas Brothers

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Aeng Mu Sae Parrot by HowL

WHAT WILL YOU PLAY TO YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR?
Our Time is Here by Demi Lovato, Meaghan Martin, Aaryn Doyle

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS YOUR LAST DANCE?
Mi Gong by Yu Hao Wei

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Call My Name Bi Shang Yan Mo Nian San Bian by 183 Club and 7 Flowers

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
You by KAT-TUN (repeat)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ling De Ling Wu by Liu Jia Yue Duan

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Aitakute by Monkey Majik

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Forever by NEWS

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
We Can Make It! by Arashi

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono by Arashi

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Flavor of Life -Ballad Version- by Utada Hikaru

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Hoshi wo Mezashite by NEWS

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Allegro Cantabile by SUEMITSU & THE SUEMITH

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Sayaendou by NEWS

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Perhaps Love by HowL and J

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
You by KAT-TUN (repeat again)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Happiness by Arashi

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW?
I Do by Cyndi Wang

WHAT'S YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
someday for somebody by Kamenashi Kazuya (KAT-TUN)

WHO'S ON FIRST?
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

IS THERE SOMETHING WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU?
Prisoner of Love by Utada Hikaru

ANY FURTHER THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?
MOLA by NEWS (same)

Time: 2009-03-11T09:47:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Arashi 嵐 , Ohno Satoshi 大野智 , Random-ness , Self-talk

Things I'd Missed

Posted in: 2009 posts | Self-talk

So ketinggalan zaman...

I always surf the internet but I never really did care to read what's the latest issue going on around the world and the internet.

So... I went through this... Yup. Now I know who started the "Canon Rock" craze.. (heard it talked of often in form 6... & Ren-chan was also looking for the version played in Proposal Daisakusen..) Well. During f6, I didn't even bother googling it... hmmm. I know there's many on youtube but I only bothered to listen to the one mentioned in the wiki entry - the original arrangment by JerryC and the one covered by Lim Jeong-hyun, a south korean guitarist... So, yeah. Now I'm in the "know".

And I read about "Dog poop girl before on the d-addicts forum. My only reaction was, "Wow. I can't believe people are this rude on public transport." The Bus Uncle is another example of this. There's "milder" rudeness (IMO, although I know that when one is rude, one is being rude) - but at least there's no real poop involved. There's another one... That's one bold and insensitive girl.

Others...
Interesting... (Lonelygirl5)
I saw this before (I think it was from an e-card website) but never knew who he is... (Gary Brolsma)
Eww, yuck! (This & this!)

Other than the Canon Rock videos, I didn't watch anything beyond the wikipedia articles...

Ah-huh.. Yeah, I'm this boring.

Time: 2009-02-19T10:52:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Self-talk

More online quizzes...

Did this on quizilla (I think) which doesn't exist anymore...?

Oh, gosh. I got Elizabeth Bennet! (I love her! Okay. That was after I watched Jennifer Ehle's performance...)

It looks like I survived reading "Sense and Sensibility"! I've said before that I didn't finish reading it in the past. Does it show anything about my own character that I love Elinor more than Marianne?

And the last one...

Sophie! I love her too!

Time: 2009-01-29T15:24:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Books , Interest , Life , online quiz , Self-talk

Fighting for Life

About Me

I'm predictably unpredictable, inconsistent, random & eccentric. Sometimes arrogant and silly. Always curious. Read that again without the snobbish tone.

「　Fighting For Life　」
Blogging since February 2005
RuYanda @ Ruth

2005–2026

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試験結果

thinking

Sick

Sept 1st at random

I miss this place.

Ça va?

Sigh. Halting Practice.

2-read

13 Thoughts.

More Dreams

Another Crichton Book.

Nervous Butterflies

Wants and Do's

Eye-check

Happy Thoughts?

Sad and Angry.

I Love You, Kuro...

Silly Music

Things I'd Missed

More online quizzes...

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