Yesterday was a great day.

Had midterm exam for Differential Equations in the afternoon... was dying to check Twitter about KagiHeya's press conference. 

I might sound like a really bad student, but for the first time, I get to answer all questions for a midterm exam...  haha.. ...oh well, though I wasn't sure for one question (completely forgotten my notes :P)...

...and then suddenly there's an announcement of a replacement class for Friday to be held shortly after the midterm exam ended. At first I decided not to go - I even made promises to myself  that I will study harder for that class later - ... & before I knew it, I already sat in the lecture room XD. Man.. I'm so random. I don't even listen to myself anymore. Apparently, my practical subconscious mind has been busy lately huh.

Though...I sure am glad I attended the class. The lecturer was so busy, he only stopped for a while to give us tips on the upcoming midterm exam. Lucky~

While waiting for the lecturer to come, I checked on Twitter ...& was pleasantly surprised to read that "Face Down" is used as Ohno's dorama's theme song. (^^)V


Oh, happy day~

Today I attended a motivational session(?) held by my program's lecturers. It was for students with not-so-good results. まあまあ...それは...当たり前でしょう。Of course. What else could it be for? :P... Anyway... I was surprised that one lecturer (actually she's my mentor since previous semester) remembered my name. I was amused & a bit scared at the same time. Lol. Was asked what's my problem... & I just told everyone out straight that I have no interest in what I'm studying :P. Fuuu. I've wanted to do that since last semester. 

Hmmm...But most of the things the lecturers said don't really apply to me.. Only the disinterestedness & laziness are correct.

Regarding previous post. Argghh. Things got complicated again & I changed my mind at the last minute again. AGAIN. I finally got the chance to meet the lecturer. She CAN do something to make it happen... but then I asked about the midterm exam that was supposed to be held today. It was postponed to next week. I don't think I have the confidence or energy for that now... but I told her, I want to try for the midterm exam first. 

Oh man. What was I thinking?

I guess the motivation thing is working already XD

p/s: Received the books I ordered from HMV Japan today...  

Few weeks left until the day the first episode of Kagi will be aired...! *excited* 

SIGH.

For two weeks (or maybe three), I thought of doing something important every Wednesday (the class is held every Wednesday morning - I was always reminded of it). Yesterday, finally, I made the decision. Yes, yes, yes... I have every reasons I can think of to justify my actions. Why can't I continue if everyone else is doing fine? 

I can't do it because I'm not "everyone else".

I can't do it because of what I am. 

A practical, selfish perfectionist. 

Gosh. I know it's not the time to take a luxurious option like this. But if I don't do this, I think... I think... I would not survive for other similar important things. I need to stay sane or I'll shut down & won't care about doing my best for my final exam/G5 piano exam. 

... and. As expected, programming assignments/homework take a lot of my time this semester. What makes it worse is the fact that my programming skills aren't the best... I can spend hours (e.g 4 hours *true story*) on a problem & still I can't think of the solution. Recent programming assignment had me sleep-deprived & worried for the whole week. I'm very terrified of the class. I have even started having weird dreams & nightmares now.

As if it can't get worse... things escalated even more. I heard from my friend today that the supervisor I was hoping to get might not accept any students now. What a let-down. The lecturer sounded like she doesn't expect much from a Math major...  moreover, she is more into programming stuff... Of course, I'm aware of it... but I don't think I could fit in with other lecturers... or even other topics. 

The only thing I can do now is do some online research on the topics I have interest in... before the semester ends... so that I can show her (or maybe other lecturers?)... & if necessary, beg her to accept me XD

This is how future looks like now...

Removed dead link to image.

（一）

YesAsia cancelled my order. They couldn't find the books I want. It's kind of disappointing (esp after that "Meikyuu" incident)... but I found another online store I can order from (hopefully they could find them this time). More than a week ago, I asked my mum to help me buy 「鍵のかかった部屋」from Kinokuniya though :P (coincidentally she was in KL the next day for a meeting after I got the cancellation e-mail for Kagi's novel). I think it was the last copy - LUCKY!~~~

（二）
Exams. Didn't take the exam for the class I took during semester break last Friday. A certificate will be awarded (during graduation) if one passes the exam. I didn't attend the first week of the class so being the practical me, I decided not to waste my time there. Stupid decision? Well, my choice, my life - deal with it. Besides, I have another skill-related exam that I care more about that I should be focusing on now (the exam is tomorrow). But of course, I'm truly grateful for the knowledge taught to me during holidays - it would really help me pass my CG courses & get a better understanding of the programming world (hopefully).

（三）
Super excited for Ohno's new dorama this coming April! His character reminded me a lot of Galileo's (enjoyed this dorama when I saw it first in 2007) Yukawa-sensei. Mystery/detective things & Sherlock-type characters have always been my cup of tea. :D I can't wait to see his interpretation of Enomoto Kei! Even though my vocabulary is still lacking, I might attempt to read the original novel because I'm too curious of the lead male & female characters' interaction~ ...& Toda Erika. Didn't watch her doramas that much but I used to think her expressions were natural in Code Blue (haven't finish this though :P). Somewhat a better actress than Aragaki (judging from Code Blue). I could have liked her as an actress! XD (though I don't really like her characters in Nobuta & HanaDan2)

I used to describe him having a vast range of knowledge in his field. Taking full-length classes with him this semester made me see something else... & think otherwise. I respect him. I still do. Maybe I'm being oversensitive but I could not always appreciate his "sense of humour".. if you could call that humour. In fact, I will not tolerate it when he make fun of things I take interest in... such as art. Heck, I felt insulted even when he talked about Math (although I don't like Math that much anymore). How ironic...being in charge of a program you think mostly consist of things that have "doubtful" usefulness to future job prospects. Even if there are truths in that (of course not everyone can be mathematicians), it's unnecessary to make fun of it by telling your clients (students are clients, no?) in such a way as if they've made a bad investment or something. The future is an uncertain thing. You can envision a future... but there are still possibilities you will arrive at a different future from what you aimed for.

*a deeply offended individual*

Gosh. I really hate it when I found another thing to hate on besides something I already hate (& made peace with). 

...because I was sick.

Afternoon class (CG) was... URGGH. Honestly, if I choose to exaggerate, dying would be easier than surviving this class. Good thing I dropped out from the class I went to yesterday because this CG class is definitely going to rob all the time I have for myself & maybe... my time for other subjects too. Fortunately I'm not taking both Dr A's classes (no way I'm taking VR again!!) this semester. I'm going to focus on this one & only non-Math subject without having the burden to think of any other similar computer/programming subjects... & die a slow death while I'm at it (had I mention that dying would be easier? Oh yeah, I did). If this doesn't kill me, I still have other three Math classes to torture me to death, if death is necessary.

Yes, yes! I'm nervous!

I don't think I can handle this class... but what to do? I must take this subject this semester..or it will interfere with my 1-year extension plan. 

Met a coursemate (same batch) I haven't seen for a long time. At least I'm happy to know that I have a familiar face taking the same class. 

And... Ohno has a new dorama this Spring. 

A new dorama.

A new dorama.

A new dorama!!

A new dorama!!!!

A NEW DORAMA!!!!!

<3

Yesterday, I went to my first class of the semester... 

...which I had to drop eventually because the timetable clashes with another class. 

I'm still thinking really, what made my day felt so lousy yesterday? 

Was it because I suddenly got a text message telling me that the exam for the class I took during holidays was TOMORROW? 

But later on, I got another text from my friend saying it is postponed to next week. Rejoiced but it still didn't make me feel good.

Then it must be related to the class I just attended. Actually it's a repeat class but apparently the lecturer (a different one from my time) decided to split the class according to the programs the 1st year students are currently in. The program I'm in has a different timetable. I should be attending the Thursday class... unfortunately, I'll be taking another calculus class (Differential Equations) at the same time. The lecturer recommended to take the class next year instead of this semester. *suddenly had the urge to say bad things at this point* This is it, I think, the thing that polluted my day. Bleh. I guess I didn't like being given advice this way... it felt like I was being told off just because I'm repeating the class. It's a terrible feeling to have. 

... after sleeping early because I was upset for hours before doing this post, I'm kind of amused with myself because I discussed with her wholly in English... I think it was the longest conversation in English I ever had in campus since I entered university. 

Yes, I rarely speak English in my university life. Used to be a shy speaker ...but not anymore since Form 6 (I think). The thing is... er.. actually it's my own problem... & I'm sure this could be taken in a very different way... though generally it will come of as arrogant... the problem with me is, I rather speak in Malay if the other person is speaking broken English. Text messages are an exception though (& probably other written/type-written medium)... I usually text the way they text (because I presume that's their best way to convey & understand text messages). 

I know. Even I think of myself arrogant when I realised this. My parents have been telling me to just speak away because at the same time I'll be doing the other person a favour... 

...honestly, I still can't do it now.

This is the end of this post... but I while I'm here, I would like to do some pre-fangirling over Ohno's new Mon9 (fondly known as Getsu9/月9) dorama.

「鍵のかかった部屋」Kagi no Kakatta Heya (Locked Room)

FINALLY. 

FINALLY! 

What took him so long? :P

>Ohno-san, what took you so long???

But I have to admit that it's worth the wait. Gosh. It's the Mon9 slot dorama, people! I've been wanting him to get this slot since many other Johnny's artistes seem to get this slot so easily :P (Jun, twice). Not to mention, it's on FujiTV - yay for another leader-less VSA battle! Audience in Japan seems to watch TV real-time at days like Mon-Wed, which means higher viewership rating (which can bring to more Ohno doramas in the future)... This is almost like Maou again because it seems like some still have doubts about whether he could handle a Mon9 dorama.

It's actually not confirmed yet though... sort of. It's reported in a TV magazine (scans available since Monday) that is to be released today but there haven't been any newspaper reports available yet to verify the validity of the magazine report. Maybe today. Hopefully today. 

Some minutes later...

I've seen it already. A scan of the newspaper report. What's left is the noise (online articles reporting the same thing, people tweeting their opinions) in the morning.

Translated news on
>> Tokyohive || Tokyograph || MomoEdgewood

I'm very excited about this.

a continuation to previous post...

Day 5（月） - Started thinking how much I hate programming... "I really don't get this."

Day 6（火） - Class started late in the afternoon. Thought more of how I hate programming again... & I think Dr A hates me for not completing last night's assignment (which of course I did realised how stupid of me for not following my usual routine *rebellious*). Though... this felt like Miss Biol all over again. What's with me wanting to be approved by teachers/lecturers who are hard to please, huh? I hate to think that I'm this ドM.. Really... Maybe stoic is a better choice of word. No. Not anymore. Went on this road once before & the result was devastating. I shouldn't care what they think of me. I know what's my best way to learn things & I'm going to stick to that method from now on.

Day 7（水） - Still quite rebellious about doing assignment... nonetheless, I followed my routine. That didn't mean I could run the program smoothly though. Feeling a bit insipid & depressed during class... to the point where I started thinking whether studying something I've fell out of love with in my current university is a good decision or not. Since a year ago, I've thought so many times already in class about how I shouldn't be in that class. It was hard to follow what the lecturer say - partly because I didn't do some reading before class - but most often because I feel like I can just open a book and read at home without attending the class. I really hope the university rule for 100% attendance every semester is changed :/

Day 8-9 （木・金）

------------------------

I happened to read that Plato's quote in my Twitter timeline hours ago. It sounded so meaningful today. I wonder why... 

Maybe.. because lately, I've started noticing things from the way people treat & talk to me. I kept thinking "You really don't know me *smug smile*" or "You don't know what I'm capable of".. things like that, & I realised I could also be in the same position with them. Yes.. I can assume their character all I want according to my logics, feelings & sentiments toward someone, but I could still be wrong about them. Even if the person is someone who is [very] close to me. The reason is simple - we are not the same person. Of course I know most people are smart enough to know this is true (me included) but sometimes we forget about this. That someone whose character is considered generally unpleasant by the society might have his/her own problems that not everyone could relate to which made them what they are today.

...

Sigh. This is one of the things I never thought of doing this year - re-connecting with myself and Conscience. It's a good thing really... because I've started to love myself again and be more accepting regarding my talents and failures.

I'm in a somewhat intensive programming class which helps prepare for a course I'm taking next semester. It's not even a sure thing yet if I could continue next semester :/... which made me feel worried in the beginning (oh. and I joined them a week late :P)... but in the end I just, well, put up with all the embarrassment (for what? is kind of complicated :P) I felt for myself & be in a "thick-skinned" mode to survive this. This week's class ended predictably with another group assignment.

Day 1（火） - Kind of worried about going to class. My friend (a coursemate in the same batch with me) was late. In class, while others are busy writing codes, I was taking my own sweet time installing the needed software :P...

Day 2（水） - Was in a situation similar to Nodame's Music History (or Appreciation?) class in the Paris SP. Clueless as to what should be done & what I did wrong (which was because of a mere semi-colon missing *huh*). If I care very much, I think I would be crying depressingly already.

Day 3（木）- Class started late in the afternoon. Made use of the extra time to complete yesterday's assignment... which was kind of fun once you figured out how to use the codes. I think Dr A kind of doubt I created it myself (I did expect this to happen though) but not really in a bad way... He was saying things like, "See...You can do it if you just work a little harder..." .. though what came to mind when I heard this was if he knew that I'm really a lazy, procrastinating person.. honestly, I felt caught red-handed :D. He even said "...You have to graduate this year!" I laughed inside because that would definitely not be this year... unless he meant something else? (like I didn't reach the 2.0 mark...? 怖いな.... )

Day 4（金）- Good day. I didn't miss much... but I'm kind of out of focus all day because I lacked sleep the days before. 

These days were... what was it.. I felt like I'm being tested, you know... whether I should be allowed to continue my studies or not... because Dr A is our new head programme... & he already knows about our exam results..

Maybe I'm being oversensitive...

Anyway... I'm just figuring this out quite slowly - this programming stuff - I catch up with things eventually though it's a bit slower.. BUT I really, really intend to learn this properly... & because I know I learn things this way better, it has to be according to my own pace.. so I shouldn't feel left behind if I just understood yesterday's lesson today.

Though it might be kind of sad to hear that I'm being quite optimistic (or maybe extra positive pessimistic) now because I have really high hopes for a new dorama with Ohno next season (rumoured to be a Mon9 or Tues9 dorama *good timeslots IMO*:D) . Hehe. 

I'm not changed at all. 

Still an Ohno & Arashi fan.

<3

How Do You Learn?

Had a group presentation instead during tutorial class... My group were worried & nervous because we just finished doing everything (report & presentation slides) yesterday! Last minute work, of course... Anyway.. working with this group was relaxing! Though we didn't hold any meetings for our assignment, everyone (or most of them..I hope) was very understanding of the situation and just do what we could do... no yelling, crying, pushing or anything that gives out negative vibes! 

We even had the time to talk about unrelated things XD.. One of the members is my junior. She saw me once at my music school (dunno when) so there's a brief conversation for topic like "Oh, you take music classes? What instrument do you play?" LOL Small, random conversations makes me happy

That's not the only thing that made this day a GREAT day. In fact, it was already decided early on that it's a GREAT day when I read about the news of Ohno's New Year Dorama SP....!!!

Yes. It's compulsory for me to blog about this not only on my LJ, but here and also my review blog XD.

It's not a full-length dorama... but these points here are enough to convince me that it will be a worthwhile dorama SP.

• Adapted from a novel (2008) by the same bestselling author of "Nazotoki wa Dinner no Ato de", Higashikawa Tokuya
• Renowned list of casts : Sato Ryuta, Narimiya Hiroki, Kanjiya Shihori, Takahashi Katsumi, Kitaoji Kinya (just typing back what's put in the article lol.. )
• Ohno Satoshi. oh lol this is very obvious... but as I've been waiting for a new dorama (=character) of him for over a year, this is good enough for me already! It's time to leave the Kaibutsu-kun persona behind! (The character's description reminded me of UtaOni's Kenta-kun though...maybe a happier version of Yano Kenta?) 

What I love about the announcement article (there were various sites reporting on this) was this:

or... (I love reading the "offered" part in the original news XD)

Tomorrow’s holiday meaning no Adv Math class !!!

Left Econ Stats tutorial class today feeling light-hearted & … happy. ^_^

I did like 88% of the homework Qs so I could catch most of the thing talked about in the class. Talked a bit with C-kun. W-chan was absent. Oh! Something amusing happened during class. I don’t know what’s the reason but the door of the room we’re in was suddenly locked (it looks like as if the lecturer locked the door to prevent late-comers from coming in :P). Usually it’s locked after 6pm so one has to press a button to open the door. But believe it or not, the door was locked dead. Everyone got out of the room via the next room (every room is connected with doors near the lecturer's desk in front). After class, I met M-chan and F-chan. Heard L-kun’s voice. （はい。ボイスフェチです。）

Recently there are many Ohno-san’s news…  [any Ohno news makes the Ohno-biased in me happy XD]. Well… they’ve started promoting the movie so it’s not really surprising.. Today read that Kaibutsu-kun image (I think..haven't seen any photos online yet) will be on a JAL plane. Oh, yeah! Looks like “Monster” will be the movie’s theme song too. Perfect choice & my money is safe LOL. I wonder if they are going to re-release the single specially for the movie??? Was hoping there will be a new Kaibutsu-kun related solo song(s??)…but I guess not.

Yesterday's test....  いやぁぁ...不安ですね。

Went blur for the last two questions.

Totally didn't study/read enough on level curves and level surfaces. =P

Also, yesterday, I met H-kun at the bus stop. He thought I had switched courses programs because I haven't been attending the 3rd year classes. Smilingly, I told him I'm repeating courses I'd taken in the previous two years. 

I really don't know... how... or rather... erm... maybe it could be easier if I exist on Facebook and just announce there like it's everybody's business lol that "I'm not going to be with you this year." 

Now I'm like a "floating" student. I wouldn't know any important announcements made related to my batch unless I'm on Facebook, which is out of question :P. The important announcements made in the classes I'm taking are of no use to me. Floating, I tell you!

To be honest, I do miss them. I miss seeing those familiar faces. I miss hearing familiar voices especially L-kun's voice XD. Now it's already the fifth week in this new semester, I'm still doubtful if I entered the right class because I don't know most of the faces. 

BUT! But.......... at the same time, I also feel glad. Those familiar faces also brought on stress as the semester's coming to its end. When did it start, I wonder? Year 1's 2nd semester?  Seeing those faces reminded me that I have to study which made me not to study at all. LOL. I'm crazily opposite like this at times... it's irritating, I know. Unknown faces in turn made me calm & make efforts to study. That... and also the fact that I actually hate what I'm studying now. I feel better after admitting to myself that I wasn't that much of a Math fan. (TWO YEARS. It took me two years to realise this fact!)  I hate Math but I'm going to graduate as a Math degree holder. Gosh. Now it sounds like I failed on purpose last semester so that I don't have be in the same classes with them. SHEESH. Sometimes I think it's my subconscious mind who controls my life and what I do. She knows what I want even before I know what I want. And I don't even know her that much. Evil, evil subconscious mind! XD

To celebrate my 300th post (which is still six posts away), I'm going to rename the labels used in this blog~ 

...be a speech therapist. 

It's not too late, you know.

Today was eventful.

SIGH.


*I don't know where to begin.*

Okay, I had free time in the morning before my 3pm 1-hour Econ Stats tutorial class. Had breakfast with my parents and sister. Then we went to the Magaram office in Penampang to discuss about my sister pursuing medicine in Russia. The person in charge talked about other job opportunities in the medical field like physiotherapist and speech therapist. The latter part caught my attention because he mentioned working and studying opportunities in US after four years in India for speech therapist. IT WAS VERY INTERESTING. 

Then, fast forward to 3pm. 

OH THE SHAME!!!! lol 

I was so unlucky to be picked out from the name list to answer one of the stats question. ARGGGGHH. I just received the xeroxed version of the textbook used for the class minutes before that. Didn't do any of the questions given as homework since two weeks ago [YET]. Stats is my weakest/least favourite subject since secondary school...so I can't answer the question on the spot too! Had to borrow the answer sheet of the person sitting in the front row. XD 

後輩からの解答用紙ですよ。。。超恥ずかしい！ (￣▽￣;)

Adv Math's Test 1 tomorrow! 

頑張れ, 私！ 

p(^^)q

My blue MP3 is alive. ALIVE, I tell you! It was a miracle! I didn't think the battery would survive being washed in the washing machine. It was still playing the three HanaDan songs remix (at the "Love so Sweet" part) when I took it out of the pocket. It can't be turned off. Nothing can be seen on the screen. Unscrewed some parts and left everything in a container filled with beras raw rice for a week. AND IT SURVIVED. 

Note-to-self : NEVER ever leave things in pockets anymore! Yes I'm paranoid

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today seems serene & peaceful. 

Little things like these can brighten my day. 

It feels great to be able to help someone.

...or talk to someone you seldom talk to.

It rained cats and dogs after my class finished. Went to pick up my mum in KK and saw a group of girls near the road to Sutera Harbour on the way back home. I think they were waiting for the bus... or other transportations. Anyway. The scene just made me think of how great having a home is. Even if you have to wait in the rain, drenched, you look forward to going home because you have a place you belong to that welcomes you.

Little things...

Adv Math class today was... like my class a year ago.

What happened? Did the juniors hit the wall already in the third week?

But can't blame them too... the topic taught has reached the difficult parts. I remembered having a blank mind every time I entered class after this particular topic. IT WAS HARD TO UNDERSTAND...if you don't study.

I actually picked the Monday session for Adv Math's Tutorial class... then today I decided to change to Thursday session..which is AFTER my Discrete Math class. 

A longer Thursday for a class-free Monday? 

YES, PLEASE.