*That title is valid!*

Today’s the end of NaBloPoMo for January 2010!

Thank you everyone! Thank you for taking some time reading some of my blog posts (or all? haha) this month…

I did it again – posted (including this post) everyday for this month. Sigh. I admit, it was hard (I manage time poorly) but I made it through though erm..I posted mostly not-so-readworthy posts. Hehe.

 

Hopefully February will be a better month than January. January was nice but not so great. My main goal for February is to master the basic of C++ Programming. I already have good lecturers teaching us so there’s no reason I can’t. Will blog more February goals later.

Oh yeah. Another thing… February is the birth month of my blog (including the old one). My first post was on February 5th, 2005. So I’ve been a blogger for 5 years! Should I celebrate this or what?

Saturday Six Blog Meme (Link)

Every Saturday a collection of Six random questions are given for you to answer and to have fun with. (Source)

Another not-so-productive Saturday… haha. But I did found another band with great songs (nice lyrics too!) to listen to. I first heard their song “Stand Up” in “Sydney White", a movie I just saw last night (movie package = major distraction). Mêlée.

Okay… Back to Saturday Six Questions.

1. What’s the one thing that really annoys you?

People smoking in public (imagine this : Coffee shop. You're just about to eat your breakfast. This someone sitting near you light up his cigar and chat boisterously with his fellow smokers friends) ... and smoking neighbours. In short, smokers that smoke near me. I don't give a damn if they die or live on because of that habit..just don't do that in my sight when my nose is still functioning well.

A smoking lecturer (fortunately he doesn't smoke during class, we have frequent 5-min breaks though..) once asked us if we (his students) prefer the smell of flatulence to cigar smoke. He seemed sure that smoke was everyone's answer. I didn't tell him that my answer is the other one.

2. If it was the end of the world what be the last thing you would try to do?

I actually never thought about this before. *I'll pass.*

3. If you had the choice of designing a mobile phone what one feature would you add to it?

Oh! There's this one feature my General Studies teacher, Mr Khairy, told us which I think is pretty cool. A mobile phone that can detect smell and re-create the same smell to the other person on the phone. I actually thought this is possible.. haha. The phone will recognise the smell first.. then using it's information (chemical formula) from it’s database the phone will recreate the same smell for the other party to, well, smell. But the mobile phone would be loaded with chemicals though...

4. Diamonds or pearls?

I like pearls. White and black. Diamonds? I think I'll be too afraid to wear something so expensive.

5. Silver or gold?

Silver. I like silverish colours. Silver, white gold & platinum...

6. Are you at home or work?

Home!

"Friday Frustrations" Blog Meme

There are certain things that happen to us on occasion that may frustrate, annoy, confuse or irritate us. This Meme is a dedication to those things. Post your Frustration every Friday and maybe it will help you let out some steam.

#1
One reason I could't grasp the concepts of science in Form 4 and Form 5 : everything's in Malay. Not that learning them in English (form 6) helped much with my grades anyway... but the terms sound more "right" in English. I thought all that is over after Form 5... Imagine my astonishment when I saw my Maths' course lecture notes for the first time in Malay, again.

Why, oh, why this must happen again? I don't mind if the lecture is in Malay... but not the lecture notes too! Vectors, Sequence and Series... all difficult chapters!


#2
Why do my lab classes have to have odd hours??? Why can't they all be in the morning? Why must there be two lab classes lined up conveniently in the morning and then another one at 5pm on the same day?


#3
Why is it that every time I'm motivated and excited to do something (productive), I feel tired and want to go to sleep early without reviewing back what was lectured that day? And when I'm fully-rested, I do the opposite thing! Where are my priorities? Why can't I be disciplined like Chiaki?


*Tantrums. All tantrums.*

Title inspired by Demi Lovato's "La La Land". Listen?
---

Yet another reminder 'made' for me to not laze around.


Laziness is not an addiction. It's a bad habit. You do it without realising you're doing it. It's really terrible. I could stare into nothing, thinking that I'm thinking of something but actually I'm not thinking something productive and useful. Minutes went by just like that. Once, I took like 30 minutes to 1 hour to draft my "new" timetable. Then I took over an hour to create a beautiful timetable to stick on my room wall. After that's done, I went straight to bed. And days after that I forgot all about my "new" timetable.

I'm so bad at spending quality time in my life.

Even if you take my "blogging" and "tweeting" activities away, I would remain the same. It all got worst since I was in Form 4 (I wasn't blogging and tweeting back then!). I suspect this is my response to stress when I'm loaded with lots of homework & assignments. I slow down. Huh. That's really not helpful at all.

As much as I hate myself when I'm being lazy, it's a bad habit that's [still] hard to throw away... yet.


Yet.


Will I make it?

If I declare war against procrastination and laziness, will I be able to change?


Can I win this war?

Yesterday, a conversation about me went on without me participating in it.

Girls : Wei... Don't kacau (disturb) her lah..
Boy (the same person I tweeted about before) : *Kept disturbing her playingfully* I always kacau her last semester. Eh. Now you sit in front again, huh.. /To 'girls'/ I used to kacau her when she sat in front then suddenly [one day] she sat at the back...


Yes, I am her.

The conversation made me realised two things.
(1) I think my other coursemates/sister coursemates see me as a time bomb, don't-mess-with-her kind of person. Or eccentric, (haha) reserved and moody. Doesn't worry me that much if that's what they're really thinking.
(2) I did use to sit in the front during classes at the beginning of Semester 1 but after the ex-ethics group issues (yeah. I'm tired of bringing this up again too...) I stopped doing that. “You don’t like me so let’s not be hypocrites and stay away from each other.”

But now, for Semester 2, I try to grab the front seats as early as possible. Students at the back are always noisy. It's a bad place to sit if you're planning on listening to the lecture (and of course, it's the best place to sit if you don't care about the lectures at all... haha).

Which isn't really a problem nowadays.
Almost everyone's sitting as far as they could from the lecturer.

Hmm... Dunno where I read this but they say it's a good thing to have your lecturer recognizes your face. :)


You will always find me sitting in the front.




Except when I haven't done my Maths Tutorial homework.
Like last week's Thursday. (& maybe tomorrow too.)

"Ethnic Relations" presentation started today. So far, only five groups had presented their topic. Bleh. They weren't that good (I think the lecturer thought the same too but he didn't say anything harsh). Some didn't prepare... got their facts wrong, long-winded opening/ending, too semi-formal (some wore slippers!) and wasn't serious (jokes here and there). Hopefully my group won't do those mistakes.

Also... Finally met the lecturer for "Data Structure" today. So now I have classes 8am-4pm for two consecutive days. It's only the beginning of the week but I feel beaten already. The weather was extraordinarily hot since yesterday which I suspect is [still] causing me headache right now... I slept with headache. I woke up with headache. Major Owww. Hard to think clearly with headache...

Anyway. "Data Structure" class seems like another potential favourite. Haha. It's closely-related to the other potential favourite course ("Object-Oriented Programming"), so no surprise there.

A friend tweeted about this issue few hours ago.

I always thought I'm an introvert but from these online tests (which might not reflect the real thing anyway) I'd taken... I don't know what to think. But it seems possible for conversions to happen. Or maybe I'm both?

---
NerdTests.com's "The Introvert-Extrovert Test"


---
Blogthings' "Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?"

You Are 20% Extrovert, 80% Introvert

You are quite reserved You aren't afraid of social situations... But you very much prefer to go it alone And why not? You're your own best friend!

---

OkCupid.com's "The Introvert/Extrovert Test"

Got this :

Introvert Extrovert
You're a quiet person, but not too quiet. You like your own company at times, but don't mind the company of others. Ideally, a few people is better than a lot in most situations. You'd be well suited to living in a small town and can easily handle living on your own. You know how to have a good time, but also know how to enjoy a good book. While a night on the town can be enjoyed, you don't like to go out all the time. One can get too much of a good thing. You can be irritated by extroverts sometimes. Especially if they talk a lot about non-consequential things or other people. You can sometimes be misunderstood for being grumpy and some extroverts find you a little aloof. You're probably relatively happy in who you are although something can always be improved upon.

(They have other possible results 'extrovert', 'quietly extroverted', and 'very introverted'.)

---
Funtestiq's "Introvert or Extrovert?"

I think this one had some good questions but there's not much explanation on the result.

Your score on this Introvert/Extrovert test is 18,
which means that you are more on the Introvert side.

---

Differences between Introvert & Extrovert...

From NerdTests.com

Extroverts:
-have motives and actions that are directed outward.
-are more prone to action than contemplation.
-are typically very friendly to unknown people.
-feel empowered in social situations.

Introverts:
-have motives and actions that are directed inward.
-tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings.
-minimize their contact with other people.

From Socionics.com :

Extroverts
-are interested in what is happening around them
-are open and often talkative
-compare their own opinions with the opinions of others
-like action and initiative
-easily make new friends or adapt to a new group
-say what they think
-are interested in new people
-easily break unwanted relations

Introverts
-are interested in their own thoughts and feelings
-need to have own territory
-often appear reserved, quiet and thoughtful
-usually do not have many friends
-have difficulties in making new contacts
-like concentration and quiet
-do not like unexpected visits and therefore do not make them
-work well alone

Hmmm.

This is going to be short.

Wasn't really hit by Monday Blues today... but it's an extra tiring Monday. Had headaches as soon as I reached home...


I laughed so hard in my "Language and Communication" class. I really enjoy the lectures! Maybe it's because I don't have to worry about not getting A (hopeless case, "killer lecturer")... or maybe because it's an anthropologish course. Hmmm.


I have some thoughts I want to put down here but today...

Another short weekend blog post.

Instead of buying the French dictionary I saw yesterday at Times bookstore (expensive!), I bought  one from City Mall’s Popular bookstore today along with a Mathematics dictionary. Yes! My whole month’s pocket money burnt away just like that.

Books, books and books! I will have to stay away from any books starting next month if I still want my dream phone… ^_^

p/s: I had fun jonasfying my bro’s old cell phone. Haha. His old cell phone is better than my not-working-anymore cell phone (& of course a lot better than my dad’s old cell phone). That should be enough until I get my own phone in the future.

Nothing much happened today… at least not to me. Huh. My brother bought a new SE mobile phone today from KK Plaza… (he let me use his old w200i.. now I can mobile-tweet again!). Quite nice really. I also saw my dream cell phone. RM 2399… wow. My parents think I’m crazy for wanting a cell phone with such price. Yeah, I guess I am…

After that we went to Suria Sabah. Still quite empty lah, but the food outlets are quite many (& looks good too). The food court is on 3rd floor but most fast food (famous ones) outlets are in the basement floor. You can see the sea (Pulau Gaya… haha) at the food court.

There’s a Times bookstore there too, which was where another RM 60++ spent impulsively on JONAS and Camp Rock books (LOL) and a randomly selected book, “Eragon”. I didn’t realised there’s a film made based on that book until I googled for it the moment I was typing this post. I picked this book because it has sequels (haven’t bought those yet). I was thinking that it must have been a good read then to have sequels so I’m going to give it a try.

*A highly ambiguous title.*

Today in French class, my lecturer said something about a day in March. I thought it was March 13th but I didn’t find anything significant so I searched for “flowers for women, march” and found what I wanted. It’s March 8th.

The important event that happens on March 8th every year is International Women’s Day. (Pardon my ignorance, I really didn’t know). Anyway. She was telling us about how they (women in her country) will have a good time on that day, girls-only gatherings… hanging out together and receiving flowers (that’s so sweet!) from men.

In some celebrations, the day lost its political flavour, and became simply an occasion for men to express their love to the women around them in a way somewhat similar to Mother's Day and St Valentine's Day mixed together. (Source : Wikipedia)

We were learning about how to say “I like” & “I don’t like” in French and someone said she didn’t like la fleur (flower). Then the lecturer recalled about March 8th day.

What’s funny was it seems almost everyone didn’t like flower (I’m neutral & maybe more inclined to like) in my class, giving the lecturer the impression that we don’t like flowers here (Malaysia). So she asked “What guys usually give to girls then (for here’s culture)”? Sadly, no one gave a good answer. One said about money (but I think that was only a mumble-to-self answer). Then another said chocolates. Lol. Haha… I don’t know if they were unable to answer  because they were lost in the language or they really don’t know what to answer.

Don’t ask me, I know nothing of the sort. =P (though I thought of answering the lamest answer ever  : amour. haha)

"3x Thursday" Meme from here.
This is 3x Thursday for 01/21/y2k+10.

1. Do you like new experiences/people? Why or why not?

I may not look like it, but I do like new experiences/people because sometimes I can get easily bored with the usual stuff (haha). But I'm also the kind of person who doesn't like to go out of my comfort zone. Yeah, it's pretty complicated (that's why I always say I'm random). Maybe it's like this : If the "new" experiences/people are safe to try/know, I will like it. But if I know it's not good, not safe and will make me unhappy beforehand, then I will avoid them at all costs. I always take my "first impressions" seriously... but I'm open to "second impressions" (I'm not that rigid). I usually choose 'new' because I want to be different from others (like 'be among the first to have it' kind of thing). In percentage : 75% Like, 25% Dislike.

2. What about change? Do you embrace it, or do you run as far away from it as possible? Why?

Here's the weird thing (seems contradictory to Q1) : I don't really like changes. Maybe sometimes but not like MANY changes that happen every day or every week. I embrace them with a bit reluctance and nervousness but I rarely run away from them (mostly because it's not a situation I can slither out from). I need time to digest the new change and adapt to it. In percentage : 40% Like, 60% Dislike.

3. Let’s go materialistic here just for a sec: If you could have *one* brand new item (it can be anything and from anywhere), what would it be? Why?

A new cell phone/mobile phone/handphone with touch screen, good camera, WiFi-capable and no contract needed. My current "want" is only this... & I'm working on it.

Can you get tired of reading?

I’m not talking about reading academic books or non-fiction books… I mean all kind of reading materials and ways of reading (GReader, Internet, TV etc).

It happened to me yesterday till now (it’s fading… & the ironic thing is I just told a friend how much I enjoy reading yesterday). Maybe it’s because reading has become so routine to me that I’ve become bored. I feel tired just by reading more words, sentences and paragraphs. All those words and the information they contained suddenly annoy me so much. I am sure this is only temporary but I find these feelings intriguing and a bit unsettling.

Luckily I’m not tired of watching word-less things (moving pictures, haha) and musical notes. Today I found myself closing my “The Three Musketeers” book just to watch people and vehicles that passed by the bus stand I was in. I wanted to stop imagining and see the real thing around me. I wanted to observe the real drama ‘scenes’ happening around me. I sang (a weird habit of mine when I’m alone at the bus stand) and hummed my favourite songs. One particular song I kept wanting to sing – Switchfoot’s “Learning to Breathe” (lyric from here).

Hello, good morning, how ya do? What makes your rising sun so new? I could use a fresh beginning too All of my regrets are nothing new So this is the way that I say that I need You This is the way This is the way That I'm learning to breathe I'm learning to crawl I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall I'm living again, awake and alive I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies Hello, good morning, how ya been? Yesterday left my head kicked in I never thought I could would fall like that Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe I'm learning to crawl I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall I'm living again, awake and alive I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies So this is the way that I say that I need You This is the way That I say I love You This is the way That I say I'm Yours This is the way This is the way

No reading involved. Weird much?

Maybe some part of the lyric can explain it...

p/s : In case you’re wondering… yup. I’m tired of reading (finding references, proof-read etc) while blogging too but I have to go on. Maybe I’ll proof-read later.

Another blog meme! I'm having fun with this!
(And I'm still 21 at this moment!)

The Queen's Tuesday Meme #21 ~ The Wisdom At Twenty-One Meme (Link)

This is a royal twist on an old meme. I just wish I'd found these gems when I was actually twenty-one. This is how it works: You must follow the directions to the letter.

1. Find the nearest bookshelf of your favorite reads, cookbooks, tech books, magazines. It doesn't matter. This will work for all print media. If you don't have seven books lined up on a shelf, grab the first seven you see around the house.
2. Book #1: Turn to page 21. Read the 21st sentence (you may have to turn the page).
Write it down.
3. Do the same with the first seven books or articles you see. The sentences will make a paragraph. You must write them down in the order you found them.
4. When you are finished, read over your "story" and title it.
5. Show us your bibliography at the end of this meme.

The Critical Mind of an Onlooker
“Instead, he began surveying the crime scene, if only to hide his embarrassment at not getting the joke. Effective blue ocean strategy should be about risk minimization and not risk taking. For the duration of the campaign I did my best to say what I thought, keep it clean, and focus on substance. At the same time, proclaim to the Universe that all your good thoughts are powerful, and that any negative thoughts are weak. What would your choice be? In one way or another, each of my books has been - symbolically and substantively - a crusade against simplistic thinking. After that you're a pig.”

Bibliography
Mr. Monk in Outer Space (Lee Goldberg)
Blue Ocean Strategy (W. Chan Kim & Renée Mauborgne)
The Audacity of Hope (Barack Obama)
The Secret (Rhonda Byrne)
The 8th Habit : From Effectiveness to Greatness (Stephen R. Covey)
The Road Less Traveled & Beyond (M. Scott Peck, M.D.)
Secrets of the Millionare Mind : Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (T. Harv Eker)

===

Haha... I really don't get what that paragraph is about, thanks to my mums books (that's the nearest). Sounds philosophic and nonsense at the same time. Sigh. Monk book is mine, though. The last sentence was really... something.

Anyway. Happy Tuesday. I had a very sleepy Tuesday morning.

"Language and Communication" class was pretty interesting today (language and culture bias)... but I think I'm a little scared now. Okay... aiming A is out of question ("killer lecturer") but I don't want to get a C! I dunno how to do well for this course other than attending lectures and do the assignments.. She told us there's no need for reference books.

I'm a little lost.


Finally met our "Object-oriented Programming" lecturer today after 3 weeks of absence. Huh. This is a potential favourite course... Hehe. The lecturer have a quite impressive tertiary education background... Hopefully I wasn't hearing what he said wrongly 'cos I was sleepy all afternoon. -_- I almost doze off in the middle of the lecture (& I sat in front!). *Must get enough sleep today.* He asked for our C Language Programming's grades last semester. Most of us got C or below. He said "Good." Baffled reactions. "You are supposed to get C..." ('cos it's C Programming, get it?). I only realised it was meant as a joke after 5 seconds. Lol. Anyway. He's going to teach us C++ language so now we should get B or A for his course. Hmmm. If I wasn't sleepy, maybe I would have appreciate his jokes more.

He thought the whole students in the class were from the same course with me (Maths with CG). He was confident that we'll nail it eventually because we study Mathematics and CG. When someone told him that there were Maths with Economics students too, he went "Uh-oh. Problems." Then he realised they were 2/3 of the class. "Uh-oh. 2/3 will have more problems." Hmm. Don't really know what he meant by that but so far there weren't many differences between what these two courses learn since last semester. For computer-related courses only maybe. We (my course) took "Digital Systems" last semester and now we're taking "Statistical Package Programming" a semester earlier than Econs students. Hmm...


Oh yeah. We had extra lecture from our seniors regarding the dinner. We totally deserved it. We were acting really rude and disobliging. No wonder they were upset. Huh. I decided to go anyway in the end. If it's postponed again to March, I won't consider going anymore 'cos I know March will be a very busy month. Anyway. This unplanned short meeting could've been avoided easily... *sigh* I almost miss my transport (Thanks dad for waiting!) - I can't bear to wait for 2-3 more hours at the bus stand - and my mum's wrath... fortunately she understood the senior-junior situation.


Still so sleepy now...

Wireless internet connection in my home... Sweet. Now I don't have to wait for my turn to use the internet! I can even go online in my room upstairs. Love it!


I must confess, last week was a pretty lazy week for me. Didn't do much... Still had some cancelled classes that wasted most of my resting time. Bad weather in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah - rained for days. So cold.

===

The latest season of American Idol started last week. No, I don't really watch that show but I always enjoy watching the auditions. They are hilarious! Haha! And Joe Jonas is guest judging in this season! How can I miss that? (He'd started tweeting too... @joejonas!)

One of the funny auditions I'd seen was this (which had became viral on the net) :



===

Perfect Blog Meme for today!

You can do the Meme too if you want to. Just visit the link provided!

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Saturday 9: When We Was Fab (Link)

1. Is there a blog as far as its appearance goes that you think is the most fabulous?

No. Can't think of one right now.

2. Do you like the look and the contents of your blogs?

I like the layout I'm using now. My contents? Like is not the word. It's appreciate. I appreciate the contents of my blogs because it's part of my life.

3. Have you ever thought what would happen to your blog in case you died?

Yes. I was thinking of making a post about that in advance. Maybe something that says... "This is a scheduled post. If you are seeing this, that means I'm not in this world anymore to change the date of this post."

4. Has any particular blogger had a great impact on how you set up and write your blog?

There are some. But not really on setting up my blog. They motivate me to blog more.

5. Would you want a fellow blogger to give you suggestions or criticism of what you write?

Of course. I like receiving feedbacks because that shows that someone is reading my posts. Haha. Criticism would be hard to read but I'll take that anytime.

6. Is the number of visitors each day to your blog important to you?

Not really.

7. What percentage of your readers do you think actual comment?

1-3% maybe. Or less. Haha. I don't really count but I'll say this : Less than 1%. (Maybe I should start gathering data for this...)

8. Do you have a favorite blogger who does the memes that you participate in?

No.

9. How often do you update your blog/site and why?

Usually I update twice or thrice a week. If I'm doing NaBloPoMo for that month, I try to post one post everyday for month.

Hmmm... Just how true is this?

Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)

Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

:)

*That blogthing quiz has nothing to do with this post.*

I found this article few days ago. "Top 10 Recurring Dreams and What They Mean". I had different recurring dreams for every age phase since little. I know they meant something. Do you agree that such dreams reflect the state of mind you're in during each phase?

When I was still in Primary school, the recurring dreams I got a lot were of being chased by I-dunno-what.

According to dream.net.au, “you are running away from or trying to hide from something you need to face”. It could be “a feeling you are avoiding, a conflict you don’t want to handle or a difficult memory you would rather forget.” Source

I think that's true in my case. I hid a lot and I did have some things I didn't want to deal with. Like losing my best friend in Primary 6. Difficult memories were in abundance too. (But I've forgotten most of it now.. lol).

I also had some dreams where 'water' (drowning or surrounded by water) and 'falling' were involved. The only similarity I can see here is "out of control". Hmm.. I'm thinking of something from Primary 2. I had a friend who sat beside me that likes to boss me around. I was still the quiet, bully-able me at that time. Really hard to say no to her. She cheated in exams by making me gave her answers - she even asked answers for her Islamic Education paper! (which I didn't take!). I think I've told some of my friends this story already (sorry for the redundancy). Sigh.

Thecuriousdreamer.com agrees with me. According to their dream dictionary, drowning indicates “overwhelming circumstances in real life, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, or something feeling out of control.” It also explains that “one huge wave could represent… a challenge in your life” and a flood might represent “feeling like you are ‘over your head’ or things are out of control somehow in your life”. Source

Falling is definitely a sign that you are out of control. According to the curiousdreamer.com these dreams signify a loss of control as well as “a sudden lack of foundation in your life, such as a situation where ‘the rug is pulled out’ from under you”. Source

Year 2007 to early year 2009, I had "Public Exposure" (!) & "Lost/Unprepared" recurring dreams.

If you have recurring dreams that you are naked in public, I would suggest that you are afraid you will be exposed. Is there something you are hiding? The experts agree – apparently when you are naked in a dream you are revealing the real you. Source

Lol. I don't know what I was hiding from... the dreams were realistic but hilarious. I wasn't naked. Just almost naked. Like I forgot to wear T-Shirt or I found myself wrapped in towel only (in a shopping mall!). Yes. Go on, you can laugh.

Smartgirl.org agrees with me (with a name like that, of course they would). Their dream dictionary states, “…to dream that you are late for something represents your fear of change and your anxiety about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready or unworthy in your current circumstances. You may also be conflicted over decisions about your future… Dreams about being at school often mean you are feeling insecure about your social status, your abilities or your performance in a situation.” Source

I think those lost/unprepared dreams were related to my Pre-U exam and preparations. Huh. I kept getting my old schools and new school combined. Teachers from old schools teaching in my new school an vice versa.


There's another kind of dream that I found funny, amusing and disturbing at the same time. *No dirty thoughts please.* They are dreams that involved people (that you're not close to) around you suddenly being kind to you. I never even thought of having a crush on them (out of question!). I hate the effects. I blushed whenever I meet those people. Haha. I can't look at them without blushing for few days.

But I didn't develop a crush on them after those dreams, okay?
*And I repeat : No dirty thoughts!*



Care to share your dream(s)?

Wow. I never expected it would turn out this way.


So. The untimely dinner I blogged about last week is postponed to February. The main reason is most of my coursemates haven't received their PTPTN loan for this semester (or month?) yet. Well, well... I could've joined in the objection made last week! I really didn't know! Stupid me.

They got nerve, I'm telling you. When our course monitor (have any other better term to call it?) informed us the postponement and the new date, groans were heard and some said they already bought tickets to return home (for Chinese New Year). Then the monitor asked us if we really don't want to attend the dinner because it seems almost everybody (including me) was not keen to attend in the first place. I also didn't expect that most of them didn't want the dinner.

Oh, boy... Our seniors won't like this at all. I heard there's going to be a meeting tomorrow.


What's funny is... Seeing that many didn't wish to be at the dinner... I suddenly think that the dinner isn't really a bad idea. I might even consider to attend it.


Life is so random.

#1
"Have you written your name in the list?"
"There's a list? She said we can go [to class] anytime."
"Yes. There's a list. There. *points*"
"Oh. Do you have a pen? Can I borrow for a while?"

10 seconds left before I hand the pen to him. Somehow, I knew it will never return to me.

*scribbles name*
I waited.
*On the phone. Scribbles more names.*
Not gonna come back.
*Talks to a friend.*
Maybe there's still hope.
*Friend takes pen. Scribbles her name.*
Or not.

*More friends arrived. Someone else uses the pen.*
That's it.

I entered the lab with my friend with an amused look.


Note to self : I will always remember to bring a sacrifice-able pen with me.
(Or I can lie too..)


#2
If you love to hate, does it mean you hate to love too?

#3
Last year's "Recently Loved" : Jurassic Park novels. Jurassic Park movies.
Effects:
- often quote something from JP movies.
- wished I'm a mathematician like Dr Ian Malcolm.
- wished I'm a paleontologist.
- Whenever someone burped loudly (usually me. Lol.)... I say "Just like a raptor."
- This picture made me smile. Not because of Edward and Bella.
(Found this here. Dunno who made it.)

This year's "Recently Loved" : Ghostbusters movies.
Effects:
- sings "Do, Re, Egon..."
- keep playing the game even though I'd reached the end.
- makes references to scenes in the movies.
- wished I'm a ghostbuster.

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I hate to admit this but I'm already feeling tired this week (Week 3 of Semester 2!). Lots of waiting and sweat involved. These 3 things had been dwelling in my mind for months already. Oh. Except #1, that happened today. A cheap pen only... so I don't really mind.

I'll introduce to you my green mechanical pencil that I keep since Form 4 (2004) later. That's one pencil I will never lend to anyone.

Have you seen my 2000th tweet?

Oh yes. I will always blog about it. It's an accomplishment - to be able to stay on Twitter and tweeted that lot - without pushing updates from facebook (though I'm guilty for pushing my Blog & Tumblr updates to Twitter... & I'm NOT on facebook!)

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Today a potential personal favourite lecturer lost his "potential". Smokers are never in my good book. It's a pity really. (Take this from someone who's very prejudice towards smoke and smokers)

"Ethnic Relations" is history (again). Sadly enjoyable. Then why couldn't I enjoy "Islam and Asian Civilization" last semester? Hmmm. Lecturer factor? Or is it because the course is anthropologish? (My other course "Language and Communication" is anthropologish too). Hmmm. Maybe because of both.

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Monday always makes me unhappy... but today it's quite tolerable.


My "Language and Communication" class started today (after no classes for 2 weeks).

It was an eye-opener. (or more like a brain-opener... =P)

So that's how a "killer lecturer" (don't-harbour-any-hopes-of-getting-A-from-me type) looks like. Though she sounds frightening, I think I'm going to stay. She's the kind of lecturer I think usually only exists overseas (not that I've seen one overseas). She told us that she flunk all her students last semester (dunno if it's only one class session or ALL). Sounds very "killer", huh?

Anyway. The class went like this. No text books required. You have to think, observe and talk. Off-the-record discussions. No filters (& hopefully no cameras) present. I might even be in danger because I blogged this. Okay, maybe my grades are in danger. All the same...

Wow.

It really was a long week. Even my parents agree with me.

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."

— Jack Kerouac (via quote-book)

I love that quote! What do you think?

Is it so bad to be different from anybody else?

I’m not really a troublemaker or rebel (in my family, yes)… I’m not too fond of rules but I usually follow them to be on the safe side (& there’s also MY rules – which I sometimes disobey). Anyway. I’m not really someone you’ll meet for the first time and say ‘unique’. Maybe ‘weird’, ‘arrogant’ or ‘snobbish’… but not ‘unique’. To me, when you say something or someone is ‘unique’ it means they are weird (or any other negative attributes) but you accept that side of them. ^_^

I’m unique. Everyone’s unique. But how much unique is that?

Is common, unique? Is ‘following the flow’, unique?

I love to think of myself as ‘unique’. By thinking that way, I won’t dislike myself too much. But there are times I will ask myself these questions : Is it worth it? What will I miss?… If the usual way works, why not follow that path? Why choose a new path or make a new path that you don’t even know if it works? Why is it so important to be different? Will someone care? Why would they care?

Did you know that it’s not that easy to stay unique? Staying unique is to stay being yourself. There will be times where your unique-ness bring bad, unfavourable consequences and you’re tempted to return to the safe path. I'd been there (and I’m sure I’ll face more in the future). If it works smoothly after you return to the safe path, then it’s okay. But what happens if that path makes things worst? The last time I was in such situation, I became lost. I didn’t know how to continue. I couldn’t ask those who travelled on the safe path to tell me what to do. They won’t understand. So…  it’s back to square one. Being your unique self again.

Should’ve stick to that from the start even though things go wrong.

So many questions…

This week seemed long to me. It felt like 2 or 3 weeks had gone by. Funny. I’d started showing some signs of slowness, laziness and procrastination. Hmmm.
So here’s why I created this checklist. It has to be really public because that would help me accomplish them. If I just write in a piece of paper or a notebook reserved specially for this, I will forget all about it (been there, done that!). If it’s blogged, everyone (at least those who read my blog… hehe) knows and my close friends will keep an eye on my progress (hopefully!).

// Last edited on Jan 11th, 2010. //
Goals
(   ) Do weekly lecture notes housekeeping, and review (if possible!). Make it a habit.
(   ) Do at least one math question for every topic (I’m majoring in Math, in case you’re wondering) everyday.
(   ) Play one new song on the piano perfectly.
(   ) Finish French class assignment.

Procrastination Score :
Week 1 - Slow, long week...
- Wasted two class-free days doing something else instead of housekeeping/reviewing my notes.
- Saturday was wasted on being sick.
- Sunday afternoon : Over-napped!

Been coughing like crazy since morning... I think I've caught the flu (it's flu season at my university). Feeling feverish now after French class.


Oh!! The class! Most of the students in my class are Chinese students (like being in 5 Science 1 again). One of them is the person I had confrontation with last semester (Ethics group). I really didn't see that coming. When I saw her walking towards the classroom, I went "Oh, no, no, no..." and it became clear that we're coursemates again when she asked what class I'm taking..bla bla bla.. "Oh, me too." Bummer.

My wish to learn the language surpasses the must-avoid-exgroup-members thoughts so there's no way I'm switching courses. I'm there to learn. It has nothing to do with her.

"Let it go already." Easy to remind myself that... but whenever I see them again I will forget that I'm letting it go. For sure, there's almost no chance for reconciliation 'cos I don't wish it. (& there I go again.) Urgh. Whatever.

Back to the class, the pronunciations were pretty hard but that's maybe because I'm new to this. I'd read a bit my brother's Russian dictionary before & I think Russian's more difficult. Hehe. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking like Fran (there are pronunciations that require you to sound nasal).

Nothing much to talk about today but…

My father already made a call and received another positive response but this time he made a note of the name of the person’s he’s talking to. My mum suspected that last night (the one that said only chinese trainees can have the holidays) was someone who didn’t know much (a guard, perhaps?). What he said was upsetting…   but I think this is an isolated case. It doesn’t (hopefully) fully reflect the situation in every camp all over the country. 

Leaving that aside… Today, I had the chance to talk to my sister on the phone (she usually talked to my parents) and she was crying. “Saya mau balik…” (I want to return [home] ) she kept saying. I didn’t know what to response to that and just asked if something (big) had happened. She was talking while crying so I couldn’t really get what she said. My mum later said I should’ve say “Just cry. You’ll feel better.” But, you know… Our relationship (sis & I) isn’t like that. Saying mushy stuff isn’t our style.

The whole thing reminded me of myself back then during university orientation. I was thinking “I must had sounded like this on the phone” …& dad just listened to me. I was feeling mostly uncertain and insecure. Dad said a short prayer on the phone [aww..dad. You’re always like this =) ]. I’ve always doubt them (actually I do this to everyone, this is a side of me you might never notice), but there are times that I just have to believe and in the end they make it done almost perfectly. I don’t think they are indulging parents. We don’t always get what we want. They will question us and make considerations before getting us something we want or allow us to do something. Of course. Their judgments aren’t always right either (I think so). But before I refute their statements, I try to consider them from their point of view. I always end up fighting with my mum because of that.. neither of us want to agree to disagree. Haha. I don’t know why making my point or voicing my opinions means so much to me.

Anyway. The situation now gives me a different angle to view things. The old me (My prime rebellious period: 10-14 years old) would have envy thoughts… but now I just see how attentive and caring my parents are towards my sister. It was really touching & I always feel like crying whenever they talk to my sister on the phone (or after that).

It also shows that I really had become more over-emotional after my cousin’s wedding.

Oh, no! Do I have to cry at my wedding like this too?

#1
What an untimely dinner plan.

With my (or rather my family, cos I was rejected by PTPTN) very tight budget for this month, they are planning a dinner next week. How adorable.

No, no. I'm not whining because of the lack of money. I'm complaining because of their untimely dinner plan. I know the dinner is important - it brings together seniors and lecturers related to my major course - but it's also ill-timed and inconvenient. What makes it worst : I can't complain openly to them because it's my own problem. Huh.

#2
My sister misses home terribly. I never seen that side of her before. She seriously hate that place.

Anyway. She said they'll have holidays (for Chinese New Year) next month. So she has been begging for my parents to let her return home. My father called to make sure it's okay to do that & they answered positively. Then, today, my father called again to make further inquiries and you know what they answered? The CNY holidays are only for Chinese trainees. After the tickets were booked. During this tight budget month.



He'll call to ask them again tomorrow.
I'll reserve my anger for tomorrow too.

Read update on this here.

I rather have classes all day than have classes everyday. Tiring but at least I have class-free days!

Today one my classes was cancelled so I ended up going to the other class that clashes with the cancelled class. “Statistical Package Programming” class! It’s the same lecturer that taught us Stats last semester. Oh, yeah.. Speaking of that Stats course.. I think I’m going to repeat that next semester! Only that course (& actually that’s the only course I’m allowed to repeat), so that I can get better CGPA marks! [Note to self : Study early. Super early.]

Okay, back to the class. Seems fun…the lecturer said it’s easy to get A but I won’t hold on to her words too much though. It all depends on me. My effort & motivation.

For “Ethnic Relations” class… Phew. I managed to find a group with someone I know in it. I’m kinda nervous with these groupy things now… I had a really bad experience with one of group last semester. I saw some of them (those who obviously dislike me) in the same classes I’m taking now. Sometimes I can force a smile when I meet them but I try to avoid eye contact if possible. I am NOT embarrassed to see them. I’m thinking something like.. “You don’t like me so let’s not be hypocrites and stay away from each other.” There’s only a couple of them that I can still be friends with… anyway. I don’t wish being in another group with them again. At least, not now.

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Not much blogsurfing done recently… but I found out how cool 8tv CEO’s blog is! I love the way he blog. If you have time, try reading some of his posts. One thing I thought is funny… there’s some recent posts with unrelated comments. Like this post : “I stared around nervously.” Look at the “Boys Over Flowers” related comments… LOL. I can accept one or two random (unrelated) comments but that much just for BOF?

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If you’re using Google Chrome… : Have you seen the browser themes available for Chrome? I think the original one is enough but sometimes I experiment with some really nice ones. I was using this before I switched to this one last week. Love the new look. I guess it depends on my current mood.. (I don’t always choose pinkish things). ^_^

One out of three classes started today, at 2nd week of Semester 2! *speechless*

Actually, I’m eager to start Semester 2 because I have prepared several ideas to help me manage myself. Some ideas were thought of in the past but were always rejected because they sounded ridiculous. But now, I’ll just try/experiment with whatever ideas that could work (even weird ones). I also found many useful tips from a book I borrowed from the state library.

But it won’t be easy. The old challenges from previous semester will come and haunt me again. Like today. I was all joy in the morning as my first class of this semester [finally] started. Then I went to my second class which was cancelled. Then I headed to my third class of the day, & that was cancelled too.

Half of my day today wasted just like that.

Funny how that made me feel so exhausted as if I had classes all day long. When I was tired, I got cranky and all these negative thoughts came to mind. Angry thoughts. I-have-no-confidence thoughts. Urgh.

...and some words.
           

My sister already met some new friends that are going to the same PLKN camp with her. I felt like crying when the bus drove away... Hehe.

I think I met a friend that day, but I'm not sure. Didn't manage to talk to her because she rushed out quickly with her family after getting some forms from the counter.

Sigh.
Tomorrow : My sister leaves for Selangor… It’s my father’s 52nd  (oops.) birthday. [& I don’t have piano class ‘cos we’re busy with my sis’ departure… =P, in which I’m a bit glad ‘cos I’m not ready to face my piano teacher yet.]
This may sound like an odd question, but will I cope with my sister’s absence? Last time, my mother’s absence (training course in Osaka, Japan) somewhat influenced my academic performance – which I didn’t expect to happen initially. It’s not about missing her (so badly), it’s just that to not have things I’m familiar with everyday made me… uncomfortable . That was over 2 years ago… maybe I’m able to accept such changes now…
That is how spoilt I am.

Hello 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!

New year, new month, new semester, new things to learn, new challenges, new tantrums... new everything!!!


Not that I expect everything to run smoothly this year... It's just that being in a new year seem to give me the right to forget 2009. Oh, well. I don't know what the future holds for me but I think I'm prepared to face it... or them.


My 2010 year starts with my sister's absence... I'm so going to miss her. I don't like the thought of joining 'that' either so I understand my sister's reluctance. Somehow, I believe it will help my sister in the future.

Semester 2 started with cancellation of classes and me cancelling my presence for the rest of the week... hehe. Next week, it's gonna be tense. *sigh* Let's just wait and see.

Oh yeah. I also joined NaBloPoMo's blogroll for January... which means I'm going to take up the challenge to blog everyday this month!!! I already done that for November 2009 (my 1st NaBloPoMo challenge & exam month - I know. Crazy.). Am I up for it?

p/s : I added a "Random Post" widget (You can see that up there...). Been wanting to add that for months already. Didn't find the right blogger hack, & I just realised I can get it from the same site I got my "Label Cloud" widget. Anyway. That was mostly for my own gain. Haha. Sometimes I just want to read a random post in my blog to see what I was thinking about in the past.

Why don't you give it a try?