~ Ethnic Relations [3rd Day - Apr 28th, 2010]

I love knowing about history. Any kind of histories. But I do not like to study for it. I just love knowing.

Though, I must say... I think this subject is very interesting (more interesting than TITAS)... I even managed to read half the text book (which is good already if you're me) for the exam. It was an MCQ exam. The part about politics... I relied on my sometimes-no-good memory. I couldn't make myself read the other half. Haha...

~ French Language [4th Day - Apr 29th, 2010]

This exam reminded me of English language exams in primary school. Huh. If only I had cared to read more... I would have remembered more things.

It wasn't really that difficult.

~ Data Structure (Introduction) [4th Day - Apr 29th, 2010]

Same as the French exam.

Surprisingly easy. And yet... I couldn't answer 3 main questions.

I thought I was the only one who.. well... ready to "let go" of this. I thought everyone else studied like crazy. But I was wrong. One coursemate already said about "Let us all take this course together again".

Hmmm. On second thought.. I think he's just bluffing.

~ Language and Communication [5th Day - Apr 30th, 2010]

Interesting course, difficult MCQ exam questions.

I don't know why I think the final exam for this course doesn't matter much to the lecturer. The lecturer didn't seem care about notes & text books. It looks like the presentation is more important. Though... I can't be so sure about that.

Oh, well. What's done is done.

~ Mathematics II [1st Day - Apr 21st, 2010]

(This is a "sequel" course to Mathematics I. Well, obviously.)

Didn't study enough.

So... yeah.

I am ready to meet you again, Maths 2.

After I returned home, what bothered me wasn't how badly I answered the paper... but a realization that hit me during the exam. A blast from the past. Find it. Or better - don't find it.

~ Statistical Package Programming [2nd Day - Apr 23rd, 2010]

Okay... wasn't really smooth-sailing, but at least I managed to answer all questions.. There were several incomplete answers though.

Feeling much like I was in Form 4/5 since yesterday.

Alone on this road to nowhere. No one to tell me what to do. No one to tell me which way to go.

Oh.. right. Why do they even want to care? Why do they even need to care?


The last time I felt this way was in 2005 and early 2006. Now they are coming back to haunt me.

Just last night, I cried to Switchfoot's "Twenty-Four" song to sleep. You know, those out-of-blue kind of tears... It's not even because of how I did my exam yesterday. Just that... I suddenly realised that it's not completely over. Those feelings that I desperately want to forget and conceal with other so-called positive things still exist. They didn't appear (during f6) because I made sure of myself to not go down the road again, avoiding things that could trigger those emotions, including [maybe], putting efforts in studying. I don't know. This past could have been holding me back now.

All those good things could merely have been illusions. Or beautiful distractions. Or really just temporary, meaningless things.


Come and go...
So... nothing.




I can't believe that this is happening again.



*Nags are the last thing I need right now. Shutting myself off.*

Can you smell that freedom in the air?

No more assignments, no more classes... just those upcoming exam papers left.


I can't wait for Semester 2 to end!



March was a stressful month. March 2010 = Music theory exam + Mid-term exams + Assignments due dates + Group presentations. Sigh. There were happy moments or days but not much.

As March packed his bags to leave & April waited at the door, I thought April will be as nasty as March because they looked the same. I was proven wrong. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, something anti-climax or unexpected happens. Like our SPSS application test that was postponed again last week. Like the French oral test I was supposed to take last Monday but I couldn't because I was sick. There are more... but I can't recall anymore now. The point is, these unexpected events keep happening & they make me smile every time I realise they are happening.


Let's hope that they will keep on happening during exam weeks.
*With luck, I might be utterly diverted ("amused", not "distracted").*



[So far...] I love you, April.

February wasn't as friendly as I thought it would be, and I had a bad start with March.



The only best news I heard so far this month is my younger sister's return. My father just told me this morning that she'll be back next Tuesday! I'm happy...

... but added with current happenings regarding assignments, presentations & mid-term exams - I can't help feeling overwhelmed and helpless. It seems like there's no change in my attitude compared to last semester's. I don't feel worse than before though because I don't have much expectations for this semester. I confess... I'm not bothered by my mid-term exams at all.. *which is a really pathetic reaction to have at this moment.* I'm more worried about my group assignments. I'm afraid that I'm not doing my part good enough. What makes it worse : I'm pretty selfish with my time and space. For me, every start of the week is a struggle because I seem to fall into a zombie-ish mode where I can't think clearly & focus on studying because of exhaustion.

*sigh*

I have bad feelings about next week. I can't bear picturing it without crying scenes all-night hours working on those assignments. But...if I can survive pull this off, I don't have to think about them anymore! Motivated enough already?




No.

Totally O/T: I just saw Mamma Mia movie last Sunday, & I was surprised by Colin Firth's voice! Not bad for someone who isn't a singer by career. My image of him in mind is still Mr Darcy though.. & seeing 'Mr Darcy' sing felt like a fairytale. I love seeing actors I like sing.
---


I had a really weird week.

Okay. The week hasn't end yet but now I tend to see my class days as weekdays while class-free days as weekends (including Thursday =P).

Monday, 8am-4pm. Two classes with a 'class' gap ("Language and Communication"'s lectures ended early this semester!) between those two classes.
Tuesday, day started late because the lecturer for morning's class was away, 11am-4pm. Plus another 6pm-8pm session at my music school. They always have these music theory trial exams before the real exam day which I have to attend to get good marks (I'm okay with this).
Wednesday, almost like Tuesday. First lab class was cancelled this week. Second lab class started at 10am (+ replacement class for last 2 weeks) - 1.5 hour. Then another lab class at 4pm. French class (replacement class for today's holiday) at 5.30-8.30pm.

Crazy hours. Added with these facts, it gets crazier : I rarely eat at campus (so I always miss lunch BUT I drink a lot, okay. I have to keep myself hydrated) & I don't take the university bus. I always walk. It's very therapeutic to me (although my legs think otherwise =P).


Anyway... I'm not blogging about that today. It's just that I realised how I've gotten a bit weird (or weirder, if you prefer that) since mid-semester break ended. It happened in those 3 days I just described.

It's like I've become happier... which is hard to believe because I have so many assignments/projects to be done, last minute-ly again. So the only plausible explanation would be I've totally lost my sanity it. Instead of slowing down, I'm taking the "shutting off" approach to deal with the stress. Yikes.

I think I've shut off a part of my senses. I feel like talking all the time. I dared to answer my lecturer's question, got it wrong & I felt okay. I mean, I didn't feel embarrassed or something like that. I don't even care if I was right or not before answering, I just feel like speaking out whatever's in my mind at that moment. Another thing. I had three surprise quizzes this week, & of course I didn't study or revise anything at all, but I could still smile after I handed in my incomplete answer sheets. I was thinking "Why bother if I couldn't answer? Just focus on what I can answer... but don't repeat the same mistake in the future. Must study."...

Then... I [could] find joy in every little thing I see around me. Hmmm. I can't believe I just said that. As much as I find that's too melodramatic... it's true! I didn't know why everything seemed funny during those three days. I laughed or smiled for no reason. I also smiled to random people including strangers. I'm pretty sure I'd shut off the "If x happens, do y" part in my brain.

I stopped caring for a while what others think or say. I just want to do what I think is right.


I can actually love being this way.
:)

Blog meme from here.

Saturday 9: Don't Stand So Close to Me.
---
Answered with current state of mind...
---

1. Who would you like not to stand so close to you?

People I find annoying. Smokers. Perverts. Criminals.

2. Which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the highest: mind, body or spirit?

Mind. I admire how my mind works. I'm still in the process of understanding how it works though...

3. What is your favorite movie line?
4. What is your favorite movie title?

Sorry, I'm skipping these two questions. I have several favourites but I keep changing my favourites so it doesn't mean much anymore... I do like watching movies but I don't watch currently showing movies because I stay away from cinemas as far as I can. My source for movies is either TV or DVD/VCDs. Maybe I'll just share this random me-fact : The first movie I ever watched at the cinema was "Jurassic Park". I remember there's a Coca-Cola (or was it Pepsi?) ad showed before the movie started and I was begging my parents to bring me home (thought it didn't matter if returning home means I have to spend time with granny)... but we stayed on anyway. Which might be the reason I'm interested in dinosaurs...

5. What is something that has happened to you that you would consider a miracle?

Nothing miraculous happened to me lately.

6. What do you try to stay away from?

Book stores!!! Seriously. I can end up buying many kinds of books because of my random interests in anything. Fiction books. Astronomy. Paleontology (Dinosaurs!). Hobbies. History. Music. Jonas Brothers. Lol. It's crazy.

Anyway... it's very important to do this now because I'm saving my money for a Satio.

7. What is it too late for?

It's too late to want to pursue a career in Medicine or Music. Sigh. I know it's still possible but there seem to be something that's stopping me. Maybe my real interests aren't really in those areas. Or maybe... it's because I'll be more satisfied to know/learn any knowledge in this world without having to practise (too much pressure). Knowledge is free. You just have to be smart enough to find it yourself.

8. Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Erm... This "Dear Joe" pic Joe tweeted which was created by i.love.joe on Flickr who was inspired by "Dear John" movie poster...

9. Would you rather be famous now & forgotten after you die or forgotten now & famous after you die, forever? And why?

I would rather be famous now & forgotten after I die. Haha. Simple. I need to know that I'm famous. I don't care anymore after I die.

I don't believe in the fact that I'll be completely forgotten after I die... there must be at least one person who will know/remember. I'll make sure of it.