You broke my heart several times this year…

So many things had happened in my life this year. I became a fan of Jonas Brothers (it's their music that I fell in love into first!) & Demi Lovato (Come on, admit it! Not many girls from Disney can have a great voice like her!). I finally have the courage to meet a dentist after 9 years. My favourite black cat died, murdered by an unknown neighbour. I started tweeting on Twitter. I learnt to drive, got my licence though I don't have the opportunity to drive [my family car] officially yet. I took my first ABRSM practical exam (Grade 1). Joined NaBloPoMo. Blogged everyday on November 2009. Went to Tawau.

And also... I had finally entered university! I'm a year behind compared to my friends who started last year. Better late than never!

Then, in university, I experienced a mild case of culture shock (coursemates from Peninsular Malaysia & Sarawak). I also discovered the hot-tempered/angry side of me. Usually only family and close friends can see my angry side before but university life (minus dorm life) seem to bring out the worst in me. *sigh* I still don't know how to deal with this. It's not really a recommending trait to have, you know. The only bright side of it is I am able to express myself easily (but that might have been because I blog more often this year and started tweeting). The fun part of university life is the access to the library (lol! SO many reference books at the university library!)... Not only that lah! Haha. I went dragon-boating for the 1st time in my life. Performed three songs with my Art Appreciation group members (assignment).


Anyway, though the title of this post sounds resentful, believe me, I'm not. There's just so many sad events I don't want to remember in 2009...

But I'm grateful for the good things that had happened to me throughout this year.

I wanted to take "Anthropology" course (1st choice for UPU) in the local university that I will not name here (any comments with the name will be rejected) to avoid being searched online, but I got "Mathematics" with CG (3rd choice!) instead. Maths is always fun, so I was also glad I was offered that course.

Pursuing studies near home enables me to continue pursuing my musical skills. I lived off campus because of an impending practical music exam last July. I passed the exam with distinction!

I think I'm starting to know myself better. Hopefully I'll be a better person next year...

Thank you, God. Thank you, Dad, Mum, @Jvira & Rus. Thank you, Eve, Mel-chan & Ren-chan! Thank you, Miss Chong!



I know this thank you list should be longer... I'll edit later!



2009. You were an important part of my life, but I’m not gonna miss you. Not gonna.

I don’t remember the last time I’m this happy to see the new year, 2010. Haha… It must have something to do with yesterday – my Semester 1’s exam result! Finally out!

Wanna know what grades I got for each course?

I was expecting a number lower than 3 (or worst, 2) based on my month-ago exam days but 3.08 surprised me! Yeah, I know it’s not the best… but coming from someone with low expectations and almost no effort studying, you must agree with me that’s astonishing, right?

edit Jan 1st, 2009 : It seems that they miscalculated our GPAs. Bummer. They missed taking 2 credit hours in account... so mine came down to 2.8. :|

Somehow... I can see a 4.0 isn't that impossible anymore...

[A]

[B]

[C]

[L]

• fluent in Malay and English languages (we learn British English in school so you'll see more of that here... although sometimes there might be American English mixed in because I read/watch stuff from there)
• able to understand Dusun (my own ethnic's language)... couldn't speak much/doesn't have confidence to speak :P *or it's just me making up excuses lol* 
• able to understand conversational and read Chinese mandarin (thanks to being in Alec Su fandom <3), there are characters I still don't know how to read, but apparently it was enough for me to understand Qiong Yao's novel "Huan Zhu Ge Ge" (Part 3) novels (I cried buckets!)  ... not so confident in speaking in Chinese though.
• able to understand conversational Cantonese (grew up watching east-asian drama series esp Cantonese ones on TV)
• took French language courses in University. Very rusty now :P...but I decided to continue learning by myself.
• currently self-learning Japanese language (Arashi effects <3), able to read easy sentences (struggling with kanji characters though. I'm glad that I know some chinese characters beforehand).. & able to understand simple conversations [on Arashi's variety shows] though my vocabulary is still lacking.

[M]

[O]

[P]

[R]

[S]

[T]

Semester 2 started today.

I was expecting something like having classes start straight away  (No introduction week)… Today, I was supposed to have 3 classes. I already have some phrases I tell myself to prepare for this second semester. One of it is : “Expect unexpected things to happen.” [Learned lessons the hard way in Semester 1). Unexpected things are assignments to be done this semester, extra classes (tutorial/lab), things like that… What I didn’t expect was…

The cancellation of classes on the first day of the semester.

*sigh* It seems to be an expected, predictable event though (among those living in dorms). I may be taking the 100% attendance too seriously, huh… It’s the end of the year! People want to enjoy the remaining days of 2009, duh!

Okay. Maybe there’s other reasons but yeah, I can see why it’s not time to have classes.

*cough* oh. I think I’m going to be sick for tomorrow. Maybe sick for the entire week. =P

 

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I saw this quiz from another Sabahan's blog.

Erm, the 1st part is totally wrong.

Part 2 is mostly right.

Okay, I dunno about the 3rd part. I do like to joke around people I don’t know well… but I can also be serious (not smiling, doesn’t seem want to talk) around them. People I’m close to? I think it depends on the mood (whether we’re fighting, sharing a joke) and also the topic of our conversation.. To those who know me : What do you think?

Oh! I believe Part 4 is always right. I try to be honest where possible but I don’t reveal too much about myself at the same time.

Big solid YES to the 5th part!!!

 

Wanna try the quiz? Go here!

You Want to Impress Strangers

You want strangers to think you're attractive. You want to be seen as gorgeous and sexy. You want your friends and family members to think you're smart. You like been seen as insightful and wise. You are at your most playful when you are around people you don't know well. You're more serious around those you're close to. You let strangers see parts of you right away, but you believe in keeping some things private. You don't become close to many people. You only let people you've gotten to know very well in.

A christmas edition of "at random" post!

I'm mostly in foul mood during Christmas. (There, I said it.)




2005-2008 Decembers
I finished my SPM examination on the first half of December. My grandpa died on Dec 11. I received my first cell phone.

No blog posts in year 2006 & 2007.

My family and I were in KL last year's December. See this post & this. I had a 2008 Appreciation Post. Expect a 2009 post soon.

Awesome Christmas present ever!
Duh. I dunno what's the problem with the university's system lately but it gave me a second chance to register! I get to register for Japanese language class!!! (Not yet at this moment, still 'battling' online). I missed it again!!! Arghh! Anyway, I chose French language (my 2nd choice after Japanese language) this time.

I think my brother's PMR result is his awesome Christmas present. It's amazing he got that result considering how very 'last minute' his revisions were...

Perfect Christmas
The perfect Christmas I always have in mind (which doesn’t happen often or at all) is this :
- Christmas sermon. Only.
- Small gathering consisting of family, relatives & close friends (really, really close ones only.)
- Christmas movies with heavy christmas spirit themes.
- Playing Christmas songs on the piano/guitar... singing Christmas songs among family, relatives & close friends.
- Good food. With me involved in the cooking [the food] process. Barbeque.

All that. Without people I don't recognize. Without people who only attend the church on Christmas day. Without repeating the same thing you said yesterday today.

For once, I want to have this kind of Christmas.



Lastly, I installed a widget for images from here. I've always wanted this but can't find a way to use it with blogger. If you want to see the effect, click these photos... (wait till the page finish loading)
Edited 04-02-2019 - Removed widget but I'll leave the photos here :D

A sight of a village near Kg. Pahu

This is a post where I test new blogger hacks. Sorry, nothing readable here.

=========================================================

From here.

I was in Tawau for my cousin’s wedding.

You’d think I’ll be all excited to attend it (it was my first time going there too)… but I wasn’t.

Urgh. It’s like camping! I hate camping!

But I called this post “Ups and Downs” because it wasn’t erm… all bad there. I mean, I had bad times but I had good times too. It’s ‘almost fun’ I guess…
Lol. At least now I can say, “I’ve been around Sabah by car!”… Not really ‘been to the entire state’, but close enough. Something is better than nothing. Haha. 

We used the road via Keningau to reach Tawau. Before that, we stayed for a night at Keningau (friend of dad’s). It’s a pastor house (same church but different area).  The church is directly under the pastor’s house. They had christmas rehearsal the same night so the music was really LOUD that night. Lol. It was an interesting experience. They did stop by the time we went to sleep.

/* This was taken after dinner in Tambunan. We reached Keningau in darkness.*/

We stopped by Tambunan first for dinner than headed to Keningau. Didn’t find a decent restaurant in Tambunan. The one we went to overcharged us (the food wasn’t any good too!).  /*The front yard of the place we stayed at.*/

The road (Keningau to Tawau) was still a gravel road. A long gravel road without any stops (where you can find lavatory… or jamban. Haha). It was dusty all the way! Crazy! Oh yeah…had a flat tyre during that journey. My uncle in Tawau told us that it’s faster using that road (to Tawau)…the only disadvantage is the road isn’t complete (not asphalt).

The road trip was kinda boring cos there’s not much to look at (dust everywhere) & not many vehicles passed our car (mostly only logging trucks). There were trees everywhere – which was the only thing I looked at. I brought along books but can’t concentrate on reading them. My sister kept saying “Priceless” whenever she saw a row of trees that were beautifully arranged (naturally, of course).

It’s been awhile I stay in kampong. It used to get me excited when I was little. Balik kampung. Mandi sungai. Haha. But, yeah, we stayed with our cousin (who’s getting married) family.

I don’t really anticipate those things now… but huh… can’t avoid bathing in the nature (river) in Tawau. Good thing I didn’t go berserk (like, “What? I don’t wanna bathe in the river!”).

Oddly, I enjoyed the river baths (lol). The last time I went to a wedding (which required me to stay in my kampong) – my aunt’s wedding – I bathed in the rain (with sarong of course!)… that was a thrilling bath experience (I recalled a shampoo ad where the girl used the shampoo and washed her hair while dancing in the rain). Anyway, we had to bathe in dark (we brought along torchlight and candles) twice & I saw fireflies! Haha.

Oh yeah. You can see oil palm trees everywhere in Tawau, Lahad Datu and Sandakan. These are the main areas for oil palm plantations in Sabah.
It’s no wonder my relatives in Tawau sometimes eat snake dishes (caught in ladang). A curry-like snake dish was served the first night we were there. I didn’t take a bite but my sister did. She said it tasted like fish, sweet, hard & bony.

I was kinda surprised to see how big Tawau is. The town is bigger than the town in Labuan. I don’t know how it compares to Sandakan (I was asleep when we got there) but I think they’re almost the same (maybe Sandakan is slightly bigger).

I know there’s a “Mongolian Chicken Rice” stall in Kolombong’s Giant hypermarket building but that one pales in comparison to the one I’d eaten in Tawau (the food outlet is very popular in Tawau, it’s mentioned in Tawau’s wiki entry!).

The wedding was on Sunday, after church service. In the morning we got up early because my uncle (with almost everyone staying in the house) would be leading us to Tamu Tawau. I thought we were going to attend church first. Haha. Imagine the car full of weird smells, snake fruit & salted fish combined, whenever we get into the car.
Oh, yeah. The wedding! Nobody told me I was supposed to be in the “walk to remember” (If you read “A Walk to Remember”, you’ll get what I mean)! Lol. My cousin walked in followed by her aunts (including my mum) and cousins (including me).
When the wedding ceremony started, I felt a lump in my throat. I kept trying to hold back my tears but when they exchanged vows, I cried (I cried a little too at my aunt’s wedding). Yeah. I’m over-emotional. I can cry over things I just watched on TV (like ads or documentaries). Books make me cry too. But crying at weddings isn’t something I know I’m capable of. Do I have to avoid attending weddings starting now? Hehe… My mum said it’s because it's held in the church. “Sometimes it gives effects like that to people.”

We returned to Kota Kinabalu the next day via Sandakan’s road.
My parents decided to stop by Sepilok Orang Utan Rehabilitation Centre.  We reached there past the feeding time so they wanted to wait. I was cranky and moody at that time so I didn’t join them when it’s opened. I only hear stories from them. The first time we arrived (we went to Sandakan town before returning to Sepilok, again), we saw wild monkeys ‘digging’ the dustbin. Scary!

The wild monkeys sometimes steal the orang utan’s food, the ranger told my dad. Nasty. They even tried to fight back when they were chased away.

We ate lunch at Sepilok. The prices were reasonable. Slightly higher than usual but nothing too much (like in hotels). Delicious too (better than the restaurant that over-charged us in Tambunan).

We stopped by Ranau for dinner. The road from Sandakan to Ranau was kinda creepy… maybe because it’s dark. Hehe. My dad told us a funny story about a colleague who drove through the same road. This colleague heard scary things about the road (like apparitions) so when he had a punctured tyre he didn’t dare to stop, he kept driving (with the flat tyre) till he reached Telupid (located between Ranau and Sandakan). Nice sceneries (the usual trees). We were tired of seeing oil palm trees along the road from Tawau to Sandakan.


I slept all the way to Kota Kinabalu after Ranau. When we reached home it was almost 11pm already.
It could have been less than 17 hours if not for the long stop at Sepilok and Ranau… Oh well. But it does take longer time to reach Kota Kinabalu (or Tawau, if the other way round) using that road compared to the Keningau-Tawau gravel road.

Anyway… The aftermath : Will I go back to Tawau? YES! Lol. It’s was fun being there. We haven’t visit my other uncle’s house in Tawau’s yet. And Semporna too! Haven’t been there yet! Also there’s an archaeological site (hanging coffins!) I wanted to visit in Kinabatangan. That made me think (again) about my interest in anthropology. My aunt played a really good host to us and was very accommodating. I’m grateful for that because she seemed determined to let us have a pleasant stay there (which we did have).

Just when I was getting bored with The Sims 3…


this came via mail last week.
Lol. I had fun travelling & I haven’t met a mummy yet.
 


===

Are you still using Internet Explorer?
Today, I found Google Chrome Extensions. Before, I did wonder if Chrome will have something like Opera widgets or Firefox add-ons in the future. Now, it’s here! (Still beta version though). Been adding those I think I’ll use often.
 
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Today’s laugh from FMyLife…

Yeah. I read sites like that. Haha.
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Aww…. “Pushing Daisies” ended yesterday on 8TV… Gonna miss the cute pie-maker. (But “Ghost Whisperer” is back!)

Imaginary Questions : Somewhat embarrassing OR petty questions that people (esp those I know) wanted to ask me.


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Meyer says it was only when she finished Twilight that she realised there were similarities with Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. And that Edward Cullen was a combination of her favourite romantic protagonists, especially Jane Eyre's Edward Rochester, because the two Edwards see themselves as “monsters''.

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

I started keeping a diary since 1998. I was 10 years old.

At that time, I used the organizer book given (or bought? I don’t know) by AIA as my diary (now I prefer thick, without-dates journal). I didn’t always fill it in, not everyday. Mostly I wrote about the chinese serial dramas I was watching on TV. It was kind of a collection of short reviews (on dramas)… With my opinions on certain scenes. Looking back at it now, I can hardly call it a diary but there you have it. I did write about things that made me mad which usually involved my family members and sometimes friends at school, but only a few…

I became serious at writing my diary two years later. I don’t remember when it started. The entries were mostly negative things (I still wrote about serial dramas on TV)… I thought of it as  a way to ‘put down’ those frustrations and annoyance at school somewhere. It didn’t help to dispel my anger but it sure was a relief to let it out. I also started writing those entries in English. Broken English at first… haha. Wrong choice of words and wrong tenses, all that problems but I kept writing in English. I think it did helped improved my English essays, or if not… at least the experience gave me more confidence to write English essays.

At some point, I didn’t care if someone read my diaries… I mean, it’s personal… but sometimes I wished someone read it so that they’ll understand me better. I do worry though, if the people mentioned in it read it. ;P

Hmm.. Maybe that’s why started blogging. But I don’t blog the way I write into my diary. I am very, very biased in my diary. I don’t exactly have to be right but anybody else can’t defy me. It’s like that. I only want the Diary to ‘listen’.

I didn’t stick to it faithfully… I even skipped some years, which is too bad in my opinion. Bad because I won’t have the “complete” edition when I lose my memory. Lol. One weird reason why I insist on keeping a diary is to assist me when I unexpectedly have amnesia (I thought of this BEFORE watching “Samantha Who?”) due to yet-to-be-known accidents in the future. Not that I’m asking for an amnesia (or want it…).. duh. Nothing wrong with getting ready, right? Anyway, if it does happen… I thought my past diaries will help me remember or help me “get to know” myself again.

Since I started studying in university, I seldom write into my diary anymore. Recalling the “memory loss” reason now, I think I really should get back to daily diary writing.

This might be the shortest “at random” post ever made…

Two things that made my day today…

Google wave invite! (Time to learn waving!)

Jonas : Rockin' The House DVD (Volume 1). Just received it via mail today. YesAsia rocks. Lol.

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I almost stop “blogging everyday" last weekend. I received a rejection letter from PTPTN (personal information inconsistency) . I was upset, which somewhat surprised me. What’s next? Re-apply PTPTN? Why am I having doubts? During my last months of Semester 1, I’ve been hearing (and reading on the internet) that I should avoid PTPTN if possible. They said the interest is high and their service (dunno which service they’re referring to) is crap. Twice they came to my university to collect the documents needed and twice I didn’t send my documents. Was that a sign for me to not make a deal with PTPTN? Bad omens? I personally HATE them. I hate the whole process. I hate the people who came to collect the documents. I came on the last day (Sunday), he said I ‘crossed’ the setem hasil (duty stamp)wrongly so I need to buy a new one. Do I have some spare? (I never heard about about setem hasil until the day PTPTN required me to use them. So I was like “Why the heck do you think I use setem hasil everyday?”). Can you get it today? (Yeah, right… as if the post office opens on Sundays.)

Prejudice? Yes, I guess. There’s just something devilish about this PTPTN thing that makes me uncomfortable. I wish my parents will understand and let me apply for something else.

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That’s all!

Here are some quotes I found from books, TV shows & songs that remind me of myself. 
Only four for now….

Sense and Sensibility, Chapter 23 (Jane Austen) 

She was stronger alone, and her own good sense so well supported her, that her firmness was as unshaken, her appearance of cheerfulness as invariable, as, with regrets so poignant and so fresh, it was possible for them to be.

During my black years (f4,f5), I always thought the same like Elinor. I thought I can deal with the stress of SPM alone. Besides, I believed no one can help me because it's such a small matter (I can imagine them saying, "Everyone has it..."). But I was wrong.

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 36 (Jane Austen)

"How despicably have I acted!" she cried. "I, who have prided myself on my own discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blamable distrust. How humiliating is this discovery!..." - Elizabeth

My reaction towards myself when I discover how flawed my own character (in form 6 till recently) were just like Elizabeth's. Although I wasn't dealing with love matters, to know that I'm wrong and gets wronger and wronger day by day was a horrible feeling. I'm so ashamed of myself that I don't know how to make amends to the blemishes in my way of thinking. Now, I'm taking baby steps to re-build my character and improve my mind.

House M.D. (Season 2, Episode 11)

“You don't like yourself. But you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special.” – Dr Wilson

Wilson added “Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable.” after that. I was thinking recently… being happy can make me miserable too. (This is un-related to the after quote). Because happiness is not permanent and it’s a “luxury”/expensive to get. *smiles meekly* I don’t know since when I seem so unsure of happiness… I know it happens but it’s not something you should expect to happen for the rest of your life. That’s what I think, for now. Happiness is like some kind of accident or on-the-spot occurrence and not a way of life. (Just a thought. Might change my mind later)

“Believe in Me” song by Demi Lovato
(Listen?)

I'm losing myself,  Trying to compete,  With everyone else,  Instead of just being me.

Don't know where to turn,  I've been stuck in this routine,  I need to change my ways, Instead of always being weak.

…….
It's amazing what you can hide,
Just by putting on a smile.

I love listening to her songs since last year. Some of the lyrics of her songs described the “me” in the past. Particularly this song. While there’s two parts to the song (I didn’t get to do that “Now I believe in me” part), the beginning was enough to describe my SPM years. The teachers said the competitions were high in my class - I only realised it was a meaningless competition after SPM. – I mean… what competition? To get No. 1 in class? To get the biggest amount of A’s in SPM? Then what? How could someone else getting straight A’s affect my life? Yeah, okay, it can happen in some way (less chance to win scholarship etc)… but when you see how much life can offer you (other fields, interests, areas, skills etc), it suddenly doesn’t matter that much (as before).

A smile doesn’t always mean that the person is feeling fine or having a nice day. It’s quite easy to smile when you’re in trouble and don’t want other people to know.

It still surprises me how I sometimes managed to do that.

Okay, so last Monday I blogged about this…

I just knew that I missed my course registration again.
No japanese language class for me next semester and so on.
>_<

I’m done with the online course registration… but I don’t think it’s final yet. (What if I need to repeat some of the courses in Semester 1?)

Without counting any possible courses that need erm… repeating, I have seven courses (subjects?) to be taken in Semester 2. I kind of love my timetable the whole semester. Yeah, sure I will be having classes whole day in Monday but I don’t have Saturday classes (co-curriculum) anymore. I have 2 class-free days, excluding weekends. Okay, okay… I know it won’t last long but let me enjoy this last moment of self-denial for few weeks before Semester 2. Beginning from Monday to Wednesday, my classes “decrease”. Lol. I mean… I have 3-4 classes in Monday, then 2 classes in Tuesday and only one class in Wednesday. Brilliant, isn’t it? I purposely chose classes that are the same day (different time) with my school/faculty-related courses (which has rigid timetable).

What’s six or seven? That’s obviously the amount of courses I’m taking… I have two classes that clash with each other. Same day, same time. I think I’m going to take the other course next semester (3). I’m still hoping that the timetable is wrong….

Oh, yeah. I chose Russian language for my (compulsory) language course… A very new language to me. Other compulsory courses : “Ethnic Relations” & “Language and Communication” (chosen out of 4/5 choices). At school/faculty level : Only one Math-related course : “Mathematics II”, two minor-related (CG) courses “Structure Data” (Introduction) & “Object Oriented Programming” & “Statistical Package Programming”. The last one and “Math II” are the ones who have clashing timetables, & I plan to NOT take “Statistical Package Programming” if the timetable remains the same.

I will use this semester break to prepare (myself) for the worst in Semester 2.