If you think this post is about a song I/someone just wrote or an awesome clip I just saw on youtube…

It’s not.

Anyway. Despite a week crammed with final exam papers coming, I think I was in an oddly good mood this morning. It’s not like I do that every Sunday… but I hate being pestered around in the morning (“Are you ready yet?”). A total mood killer.

Today it was loud as usual at church (I blabbered before about the loud music) but I was enjoying it. Beautiful music. The guitarist was absent but everything sounded great… the music team (excluding the singers) had good chemistry with each other. Two of my cousins were on the stage, one playing the bass guitar & the other the electric piano. I admire them… I wish I was brave enough to perform on stage or at least in front of those children in Sunday school. I’m not that confident.

Then, after church, it’s piano class. We were an hour late. As I entered the music school, my piano teacher saw me and waved. So it seems I missed the dateline for registration of ABRSM Theory Exam. But I can still register today. The exam is in March next year, I don’t know what class I’ll miss on that day… but hopefully it’s not a mid-term exam day. The ABRSM practical exam I took this year was [so fortunately] on a day I didn’t have classes. Coincidence, but I was grateful I chose to let my Thursday free of classes. My mum suggested me taking the June/July’s Guild Theory Exam again (I took Guild’s Grade 1 before)… but I somewhat made my mind to take ABRSM exams only. No particular reason, really. Okay, maybe it has something to do with my teacher having faith (questionable, ‘cos I’m quite inconsistent in my progress) in me to take them… I don’t know. I believe she knows the best & I trust her decision.

I registered for the March exam anyway and now I have a new fear.

Regarding piano… I’m always afraid that I’m not good enough. I have all the reasons I can think of to prevent my self-confidence from soaring – not enough practice (which is true) and starting so late. The former is easy to change but the latter… it doesn’t always bother me (because I kind of believe I have something a child piano student don’t have), but it’s there. The thoughts come out occasionally… accompanied with my past regret of letting go the opportunity to learn music early. *sigh*

This evening, my cousin and her family came. They had other business to attend to with my father but I had a small pep talk with my cousin-in-law. I believe that’s the only time I ever had a conversation with him. Haha. He saw our piano and came the usual interrogation about when it was bought, about learning to play etc. He also played some songs on the piano. He was good! He said he didn’t learn it formally… aww… I always envy these kind of people. You know. People who can listen and arrange those songs on the piano almost immediately. Apparently I have many cousins who are like that and I wondered why I don’t have it. Huh. Anyway. I’m jealous enough to practise more in the future…which I think is a positive thing.

He told me that it wasn’t hard to play that way… I just have to listen to more music (piano version ones, I assume) or anything I like (“There’s nothing wrong with pop songs…”) and try playing it on the piano. When I have get used to it, it would come off naturally next time. Hehe. And he asked me to go and play the keyboard at their church in Alamesra (where there’s many students from the same university I go to.) While the idea of performing in front of a crowd is appealing but far-fetched at the same time, I do think he had given me advice that suit my current thoughts.

Am I too selfish to pursue my tertiary education at the same time with music? I don’t want to feel regret again for letting go the opportunity. Music is one of the reasons I live off-campus & miss all those dorm experience. People around me (mostly indirectly, through my parents) had often question my decision of not living in the university dorm. I think some people hate me for doing so. Sometimes I take it to heart of such suggestions (which I’ll appreciate if you don’t mention it in the comments section) but I know they were thinking the best for me. I can’t say I’m sure that my decision is the right one… but I won’t let it be the wrong one. Maybe what’s ‘right’ for others isn’t always ‘right’ for me.