I was really, really shocked by the news last Sunday. At first, I saw it on Twitter so I was like "WHAT???"... Based on my understanding of one of the oricon article, I know that kanji isn't about disbanding/disbandment. I actually understood correctly that it was about having a break - hiatus.

Honestly, I couldn't understand what was happening. Even now, I don't think I've digest enough of what's happening and what's going to happen. At night, seeing the news about their press conference, I finally cried. When you have so many emotions happening at the same time, I think the only thing your brain can do is make you cry.

Please excuse my language/grammar/whatever in this post because I... sigh.. I really shouldn't be online because I see them everywhere. But I still want to seek for more news... reactions... whatever things related to.. I don't know.. to understand? Although what's not to understand? I actually expected it would happen. I don't want to say much.. but if you see and read about Ohno's feelings on being an idol in the early years, you kinda know it. So, the next day I realised I wasn't sad about Ohno (because he's finally going to take a break) but I am really, really sad if I don't see the five as Arashi anymore. Maybe it's the selfishness of a fan in me that's talking, but I can't imagine Arashi continuing their activities with one of them quitting.  *sniff sniff...I'm crying while I type post this so please bear with me...* I haven't watched the press conference yet but I've read & seen the articles/photos...  I AM SO GLAD THEY LET HIM TAKE A BREAK INSTEAD OF QUITTING. *sniff* Even without watching it myself, I felt their strong bond and support for their leader's decision.

If I were merely an Ohno fan, I probably wouldn't feel so sad about it. But along the way in 2010, I came to love Ohno and get to know him together with Arashi through so many things - I think it's inevitable that I became interested in the other members too. I've also fallen in love with Arashi.

I am an Ohno Satoshi fan. I am also an Arashi fan. And the news shook me to tears. It introduced the thought of Arashi not being Arashi anymore... and that makes me tear up every time I think about it.