Today I attended a motivational session(?) held by my program's lecturers. It was for students with not-so-good results. まあまあ...それは...当たり前でしょう。Of course. What else could it be for? :P... Anyway... I was surprised that one lecturer (actually she's my mentor since previous semester) remembered my name. I was amused & a bit scared at the same time. Lol. Was asked what's my problem... & I just told everyone out straight that I have no interest in what I'm studying :P. Fuuu. I've wanted to do that since last semester. 

Hmmm...But most of the things the lecturers said don't really apply to me.. Only the disinterestedness & laziness are correct.

Regarding previous post. Argghh. Things got complicated again & I changed my mind at the last minute again. AGAIN. I finally got the chance to meet the lecturer. She CAN do something to make it happen... but then I asked about the midterm exam that was supposed to be held today. It was postponed to next week. I don't think I have the confidence or energy for that now... but I told her, I want to try for the midterm exam first. 

Oh man. What was I thinking?

I guess the motivation thing is working already XD

p/s: Received the books I ordered from HMV Japan today...  

Few weeks left until the day the first episode of Kagi will be aired...! *excited* 

SIGH.

For two weeks (or maybe three), I thought of doing something important every Wednesday (the class is held every Wednesday morning - I was always reminded of it). Yesterday, finally, I made the decision. Yes, yes, yes... I have every reasons I can think of to justify my actions. Why can't I continue if everyone else is doing fine? 

I can't do it because I'm not "everyone else".

I can't do it because of what I am. 

A practical, selfish perfectionist. 

Gosh. I know it's not the time to take a luxurious option like this. But if I don't do this, I think... I think... I would not survive for other similar important things. I need to stay sane or I'll shut down & won't care about doing my best for my final exam/G5 piano exam. 

... and. As expected, programming assignments/homework take a lot of my time this semester. What makes it worse is the fact that my programming skills aren't the best... I can spend hours (e.g 4 hours *true story*) on a problem & still I can't think of the solution. Recent programming assignment had me sleep-deprived & worried for the whole week. I'm very terrified of the class. I have even started having weird dreams & nightmares now.

As if it can't get worse... things escalated even more. I heard from my friend today that the supervisor I was hoping to get might not accept any students now. What a let-down. The lecturer sounded like she doesn't expect much from a Math major...  moreover, she is more into programming stuff... Of course, I'm aware of it... but I don't think I could fit in with other lecturers... or even other topics. 

The only thing I can do now is do some online research on the topics I have interest in... before the semester ends... so that I can show her (or maybe other lecturers?)... & if necessary, beg her to accept me XD

This is how future looks like now...

Removed dead link to image.

（一）

YesAsia cancelled my order. They couldn't find the books I want. It's kind of disappointing (esp after that "Meikyuu" incident)... but I found another online store I can order from (hopefully they could find them this time). More than a week ago, I asked my mum to help me buy 「鍵のかかった部屋」from Kinokuniya though :P (coincidentally she was in KL the next day for a meeting after I got the cancellation e-mail for Kagi's novel). I think it was the last copy - LUCKY!~~~

（二）
Exams. Didn't take the exam for the class I took during semester break last Friday. A certificate will be awarded (during graduation) if one passes the exam. I didn't attend the first week of the class so being the practical me, I decided not to waste my time there. Stupid decision? Well, my choice, my life - deal with it. Besides, I have another skill-related exam that I care more about that I should be focusing on now (the exam is tomorrow). But of course, I'm truly grateful for the knowledge taught to me during holidays - it would really help me pass my CG courses & get a better understanding of the programming world (hopefully).

（三）
Super excited for Ohno's new dorama this coming April! His character reminded me a lot of Galileo's (enjoyed this dorama when I saw it first in 2007) Yukawa-sensei. Mystery/detective things & Sherlock-type characters have always been my cup of tea. :D I can't wait to see his interpretation of Enomoto Kei! Even though my vocabulary is still lacking, I might attempt to read the original novel because I'm too curious of the lead male & female characters' interaction~ ...& Toda Erika. Didn't watch her doramas that much but I used to think her expressions were natural in Code Blue (haven't finish this though :P). Somewhat a better actress than Aragaki (judging from Code Blue). I could have liked her as an actress! XD (though I don't really like her characters in Nobuta & HanaDan2)

I used to describe him having a vast range of knowledge in his field. Taking full-length classes with him this semester made me see something else... & think otherwise. I respect him. I still do. Maybe I'm being oversensitive but I could not always appreciate his "sense of humour".. if you could call that humour. In fact, I will not tolerate it when he make fun of things I take interest in... such as art. Heck, I felt insulted even when he talked about Math (although I don't like Math that much anymore). How ironic...being in charge of a program you think mostly consist of things that have "doubtful" usefulness to future job prospects. Even if there are truths in that (of course not everyone can be mathematicians), it's unnecessary to make fun of it by telling your clients (students are clients, no?) in such a way as if they've made a bad investment or something. The future is an uncertain thing. You can envision a future... but there are still possibilities you will arrive at a different future from what you aimed for.

*a deeply offended individual*

Gosh. I really hate it when I found another thing to hate on besides something I already hate (& made peace with).