I'd had chats over the phone for these few months with a close friend of mine (We'll call her Mel). We did something, well, this thing I would call, terrible, and we had a hard time forgiving ourselves. Especially last month, I guess.
"Why did we let it happened?"
"How are you doing now?"
"Still..."
Then we'll talk for hours about our misery and thoughts.

The worst time has passed and I don't find it surprising that we are still alive. Do anyone notice how we often dread ourselves with unnecessary fears before something bad happened?... hoping that the world will split and swallow you up or you suddenly drop dead (literally) on that inauspicious moment... And then when it really happen, nothing really happened. You are still breathing. It didn't kill you. Of course, unless you have a bad heart.

Lesson of the day: Whatever happened, good or bad, we will still have to move on. So stop dwelling in the past.

Anyway. Mel and I might go on different roads... She's taking a step further while I... I'm stepping on an extra road before hers. I wish all the best for her.

I'm tired of worrying about what others say about me. They are just throwing words and advice and the person who picks them all, thinking it's important, is just making himself a fool. I'm not talking about someone. It's just something I had in my head for a long time.

Dakara, I won't care about what people [will] say about my extra road. This is a fight with myself and I'm determined to win over myself.

I detest myself.

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