It has been an exciting rainy day so far~

Today I've been reading... my old diary of *let me check again* five years. There weren't that many entries but.. whoa.. I really poured out my thoughts in those entries, huh. I was surprisingly very, erm, perky in them. Past-me was trying hard to be positive(?). I called it false positivity this year when I roughly recall those years but... actually it wasn't really that. I think at that time, I thought that was the only way to "fix" the stuff I was going through. If not, I might've shut down. (There were mentions of suicidal thoughts but they were more of the "This is so bad but not that bad bad that I would do that" kind). There was also an entry about me getting an appointment with the uni's counselling officer... but I didn't mention the meetings in detail. Which just shows how much help I thought I was getting from that (-.-). 

Watching other people's playthrough for ME2 makes me itchy to get back to my insanity playthrough. [Me to me: Start small. Do more assignments. Avoid Overlord DLC. Save always. Save every time you can save. Save, save, save!]

This will be a post full of random things again. Just like usual.

*continues to scroll*

— John Wolfe (@JohnWolfeYT) March 11, 2021

Just a reminder that everyone is still going through things you may not know about.

Be kind when you follow up about problems or missed deadlines, replies, or meetings.

— Grammar Girl (@GrammarGirl) March 11, 2021

Nowadays, when I google for something, I will stumble on some old pre-2010 personal blogs. Posts with grammar mistakes or in Manglish/Singlish. Posts about school, family, friends...etc. I enjoy visiting those kind of blogs. It's like a peek into their lives (and minds). I sometimes miss reading blogs like these.

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Other posts
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Scales again *happy*
I've seen Arashi's "Training Camp"!!! Love the sight of Arashi + piano. And WHOA. I was impressed by Sho's piano rendition of "Hatenai Sora". For a moment I forgot that this is the Sho who always fail athletically (on their variety shows anyways, I don't know how athletic he is in real life XD) , he looked so...[Read More] ===============================================

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There were two boys, A and B, who always went to school together everyday. One day, B was caught cheating in a test. A knew about it and told the teacher. B was then punished.

Moral Education question : “Which sentence in the paragraph shows that A and B are best friends?”

Student’s answer : “-- A knew about it and told the teacher. -- because A cared for his best friend, that’s why he told their teacher.”

Answer in marking scheme paper : “-- There were two boys, A and B, who always went to school together everyday. –”

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I don’t know from which SPM year that question was from (but maybe it’s a question from school level exam?). I’m not even sure if it really exists or not.

This was the only thing the lecturer talked about that kept me awake for awhile during Linear Algebra class today. Sigh. Why do I have to be sleepy on my favourite day & during my favourite class?

Haha. Anyway… I don’t really remember how the discussion on “Linear Independence” theorems turned into issues about current education system in Malaysia… but that Moral Education question brought back some memories from the past.

I used to think – I even stole my study time just to think about it– about the flaws in the current education system. The fact that one can just memorise to get good grades/marks frustrates me. Part of it is personal. I am not someone who could memorise things easily… but that’s not because I have poor memory. I just don’t believe in it. I don’t believe that someone can be knowledgeable and possess wisdom just by memorising. It’s a bit insulting to the beauty of knowledge, don’t you think?

I used to think of it in black and white back then (form 4 & 5, 5-6 yrs ago)… now? Not so much (tiring!). I try to assure myself that everyone is unique thus they have their own unique ways of teaching themselves. Instead, most of the time, I try to comfort myself that I am me, their unique ways don’t work for me & I don’t have to worry if I learn from a different route. And it’s not easy. It’s still hard now because I keep seeing how my methods don’t give out results as good as those “gifted-in-memorising” students.

But just when I start feeling doubtful, my lecturers gave out their opinions on the education system which were similar to mine at random occasions during classes. I was awaken and reminded again of what I believe in. [Yappari. Getting into a university is a good thing. ^_^]  Few weeks ago, in French class, my lecturer (a foreigner) talked about how the teachers in her son’s school expect her to send her son to tuition centres (or get a tuition teacher for him). She doesn’t want to do that. And then, there was a heated discussion between her and one of my coursemates (I can see that he is one of them), no shouting was involved but it got me excited… like today. It felt different [good kind of different] hearing those opinions from someone who has different cultural background and different teaching experiences. Somewhat it makes me think “There’s still hope.”

 

Whoa. Didn’t expect this post to be this long. I’ll stop here… I don’t know if my points came across clearly but to get this thoughts out here again like old times.. Ah. Good times, good times.

September is leaving... :/

Anyway. Another blog meme - interesting questions!

(Join this blog meme here)

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"Just Like Me"

1. Who in your life do you think behaves and thinks the most like you do?

While I have some friends that think like the way I do, I confess I never found someone who is like me. I don't even know if I want to meet that person. (I did found some fictional characters from books and TV dramas that seem to be similar to me.)

2. As a kid, were you ever wrongly accused (and punished, if it went that far) for something you didn't do? If so, what was it? What happened?

Ermmm... there's one, but it's nothing big. When I was in kindergarten school, during a class, the teacher walked out for a while and warned us not to be noisy. She proceed on drawing an ugly face on the chalkboard. She said she will write the name of the person who made noise during her absence under the drawing. As expected, some of my classmates made noise. I kept quiet. Then the teacher returned. She asked us if someone had been noisy. One of my classmates said my name.

That drawing

And then my name appeared under the ugly face.
(If you're wondering why I even bother creating that image... I actually made this two years ago for my fiction blog ;P)

3a. What about as an adult, were you ever wrongly accused for something you didn't do?? Do you think it's worse to be accused as a child or an adult? Why/why not?

Can't think of any. Actually, I am tired of being a reserved, goody child/teen - so I try to stop being one. It started when I began talking back to my parents - then some other things happened, causing me to change my ways again - then... now... I've become more of the defensive sort (to people who knows me : if you never saw me like this, then you need to read this blog more often. XD). Still a bit reserved, but I wouldn't hesitate to fight if it's a life and death -ish matter. I seem to avoid confrontation if possible (this is only applied to friends and acquaintance).

I think it's worse to be accused as a child because a child can't defend himself because of limitations in vocabulary and knowledge of the world (how things/relationships work; Dos and don'ts etc). Well, this is merely based on my experience. Different people have different childhood experiences.

3b. What’s the scariest weather situation you’ve experienced?

The Greg storm/typhoon in the 90s. I couldn't sleep at night because I was frightened by the strong wind.

4. If you could wake up tomorrow morning in another country, where would you want to be and why?

*blushes* I want to wake up in France. I haven't decide where yet (I want to explore!) but most probably in Paris. I chose France because I just recently realised my blossoming love for French language although I already started learning it last semester. Paris was because of Nodame Cantabile. (Geez.. I don't know how I got myself so immersed in Nodame Cantabile...)

5. Instead of going to work Monday, if you could spend the entire day doing something else--any one or two things that you absolutely love doing--what would you do?

Instead of going to classes on Monday, I would want to spend the entire day watching japanese dramas. Sorry, my current state of mind is like this.

6. What sites (other than meme sites) do you use most to help you post on your blog?

I usually visit http://thedailymeme.com/ (I found "Saturday 9" blogmeme from there). Oops. That's a meme site. Ja. Sometimes I get some ideas on what to blog from Blogthings by answering some interesting quizzes. But most of the time, I blog when I have thoughts that I want the world to know.

7. Check out a post on your blog from six months ago (March 2010) and tell us what is different now about your blog and/or life?

Terrifying! I had only one post on that month - "Bad Feelings...".
Nothing different from before. Especially this part :

"... but added with current happenings regarding assignments, presentations & mid-term exams - I can't help feeling overwhelmed and helpless. It seems like there's no change in my attitude compared to last semester's. I don't feel worse than before though because I don't have much expectations for this semester. I confess... I'm not bothered by my mid-term exams at all.. *which is a really pathetic reaction to have at this moment.* I'm more worried about my group assignments. I'm afraid that I'm not doing my part good enough. What makes it worse : I'm pretty selfish with my time and space. For me, every start of the week is a struggle because I seem to fall into a zombie-ish mode where I can't think clearly & focus on studying because of exhaustion."

*Huh.. what a pathetic study life I have*

8. What was the last photograph you took?

This :

9. Which fashion trend do you believe is the most horrendous and why?

I don't really follow fashion, so I can't say much about this. The worst thing I would call a fashion trend that I find unpleasant is ugly ("Oh my, that's so ugly!").

Read 2005's edition?


2006... The year I discovered the joy of watching JDorama and "Full House". Good distraction from my real problems.

Then... There's my SPM result.

*staring blankly on my SPM result paper*
*sigh*..... What the heck?...I got 6As (5A1, 1A2), 3Bs (3B4) and 3Cs (2C5, 1C6).... [it actually came out better than what I've thought!]

I decided to go for Form 6. While looking for a school that would accept me in Science stream (I wasn't offered a place in Form 6), I was also busy watching Kurosagi. I ended up in a school at 〇〇. Loving my Form 6 life...

Oh yeah. Mr K asked us: "Why do you want [to do] F6?" [Post : "~ Know What You Want ~" ]

*teaser*

I grow up with the idea (influence from my surroundings) that Matrics are better than f6 (which is not really true). Since I'm in form 1, I already set a target that I'll go to Matrics after completing f5. People said f6 is 2 years whereas Matrics is only 1 year. That's why at that time I prefer Matrics to f6. Moreover I was thinking of getting out of school quickly (because since the first day I'm in SM〇〇 I already　could feel the tense, stress & tight competition in my class. I could't stand it, & wished that time will run faster so that I can stop suffering). Even when I was in f5, the thought of going to f6 never occurs me. [Post : "Proud to be a F6 student"]

*sigh* Now, I shouldn't look at my classmates as rivals (that's what I'd done last year.. No good attitude).. because my biggest, toughest rival is MYSELF. [Post : "First week in school [after lessons started]" ]

Today IN SCHOOL... This is the first time I met a person who brags the most in my life. Well, this doesn't occur me till I get home. I was doing some Maths problems & she approached my desk. Then bla bla bla bla & bla. After she finish bragging (Pengajian Am teacher came in), I felt so inferior-ish for no reason. Why? Why? Then only I realise she was bragging about herself! ne.. ne... What is she trying to do? Being friendly? Or trying to tell me she's better than me? A potential rival? [Post : "Trust no one." ]

Oh yeah. Another VERY important event that year :

My mum had her viva at her university today & she did it! She passed! (lol..dunno what to call it)... But she still have to do some corrections (in 9 months) before she officially graduate September next year.

Haha.. After all this years... now... no more extra burden (Her ph.D course did affect us negatively, positively, physically & mentally... often get scolded & all that)..well... She deserved her "Doctor" title.. she spent a lot of time, money & brainwork on her thesis.. [From : "Yatta!"]

School exam...

For the first time in my life, ...I feel good handing in my BIO 2 answer paper(s). At that time, I also feel satisfied because I know I've worked hard for this. Well, not hard enough but still better than before. [post : "more on school~"]

Teaser~~~

I thought teachers should expose their students to the world of possibilities. Keep telling their students that it's not impossible to do this or that. Although there might be setbacks & unfortunate events, teachers should still "let" their students know that there's "light" in everything. That when you fail, doesn't mean you fail throughout your life. *sigh* maybe teachers nowadays have lost hopes in their students. Unless they prove to that teacher that they are a "genius" then only the teachers want to help them. Why should it be like that?

Teachers do not think of their students as their own children. Why should they? They are not related to each other. But having teachers thinking that way means having teachers who do not care about their students welfare. & again, why should they? They are not related.

What an ugly reality. [Post : "Something..." ]

Quite an eventful year, although I didn't mention all of them in my blog.

Mundane Updates...
My final exam for Semester 2 officially ended yesterday.

While I think over what useful activities - that would benefit me next semester - that I could do during semester break, I'm reading blogs and watching stuff on YouTube again without feeling guilty (for not studying for exam)...

Some very important issues are being discussed in my family these few days & I'm getting headaches (but that might be because of my bad sleeping routine). But seriously. I never expected to think about STPM and MUET again. The reference books. The syllabuses. The discouraging phase & system. Reminded me of discouraging and evil teachers.

Arrgh. Form 6 memories. The not-good ones.

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Maybe...

As I have to control myself from buying any books whenever I visit bookstores (See #6), I'm re-reading books I have in collection and maybe finally read that purchased-years-ago-but-haven't-read books. Few weeks ago it was Russell Lee's "True Singapore Ghost Stories"... in which one of them perished in the washing machine (didn't finish reading that one!). At the same time, I'm reading Jane Austen's "Emma".

Mr Knightley remains as my favourite character in the book. Emma? Hmmm. I'm kind of surprised that I want to re-read this now. I still think that the story's slow in the beginning... but it's always fun to read Emma's thoughts.

I love the way Austen described the people in her books. Realistic and simple. But the only way to enjoy that is to read her unabridged version books. Abridged and simplified ones sometimes kill my interest in reading (& maybe prevents me from loving the book). That's what happened to me during Form 5. I read an abridged version of "Pride and Prejudice" that I borrowed from the school library. The story felt flat to me. I was kinda disappointed. Then I gave the book another chance two years ago - I borrowed the unabridged version from the public library - and... fell in love with the story (& Mr Darcy). It was amazing.


Anyway. Back to "Emma". I've always love BFFs->Lovers stories (That's a spoiler BTW). I think that's why I chose this book.

(I would really want to recommend this book to you, Mel-chan... but the slowness of the story may scare you away. What's interesting? The resemblance of the characteristic of certain characters to real life people around us. Oh. And there's also certain events that...)

Dead link removed.

(Eve, YUI's new song "to Mother"!)
I have never seen YUI playing the piano before. But I love the MV.

..also removed.

"Can't Back Down" is really catchy. It's stuck in my head now.