Well, I’ll try not to exaggerate too much…

Yes!!! I passed!!!

Finally!

I think the JPJ examiner (male) I had today was nice. I almost repeat the same mistake I did last time but he only reminded me not to do that next time. I was in a bad mood since the morning (proof = tweets on this day), so I guess I forgot to feel nervous. When I was in the car, then only the nervousness kicked in. But I kept telling myself that it wasn’t a test and the person beside me wasn’t an examiner. I imagined it as my usual driving practice session. I think it worked quite well.
Also, today I received my university offer letter. I’m going to study “Maths” (with Computer Graphic) in a local university nearby. I’m not going to publicize university’s name because I don’t want any online search results linking to my personal blog. Though, I’d mentioned it in a previous post (or more?)… For now, no. Anyway. I didn’t expect to be offered that course because I was aiming for “Anthropology and Sociology” – and my Maths sucked lately (I was doing great in Form 3 but years after that was a different story) - *sigh*. But Maths is one of my favourite subjects, so hopefully I could cope with a higher level of Maths in the university.
I blogged about revealing real names online before, and I decided I’m not going to…at least not for this blog (though *hint* RuYanda is quite obvious! *hint*). Those who have my official e-mail could find me on Twitter (if they decided to twitter too), and there’s a link to this blog on my Twitter page. Actually, that kind of worries me too…but whatever. They might un-follow me right away after seeing my boring tweets. Haha.

I’m trying this out for this post. For a starter, the first thing I realise after I installed it - I’m typing my post as if I’m typing it directly in my blog. Cool!
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My [online] shopping bag! Just received them this week!

“Koi no ABO” was released a few months ago but I got it later because my sister pre-ordered YUI’s single “again” (which is just released this month). The other one is self-explanatory – USB drive, 2gb, June 2nd – haha!
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I’m tired of facing my driving tutor…  so I MUST pass the next test!!!  

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For the time being, UPU result :

*sigh*

This is like an extension story to My Driving Adventures.


Oh, boy. This June 22nd will be an awkward day...

My dad just had a fight with my driving tutor (an old man) over the phone (I think they've resolved the argument, though...). Well, I made my dad call him whenever needed cos (1) he's the one who found the tutor & (2) my parents paid for my driving lessons. This time, my dad called him to ask him why he's overcharging us (extra RM50) to retake the driving test. Then, he said it was because I owed him 1-hour of lesson. That day, he asked me if I want to have some practice first before the circuit or "litar" test (I dunno if this term is right or not). Of course I went for it (duh!). But I never knew he's going to charge me for that, he didn't say anything about it. And don't start with that You-should-know-it-yourself or *uh!* "the unspoken rules"...if you didn't say anything about it, then you REALLY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. That's why sometimes I will just ask [back] (even though it's an awkward question) as long as I got their meaning clear because I want to avoid misunderstandings and miscommunication issues. *Geramnya!!!* My dad said he stuttered when he asked for the reason - the tutor was lost in words - and finally said about me owing him.


This is so horrifying. I'm utterly disgusted by these "mata duitan" driving tutors (I believe most of them are like that)... Even though they are so grossly disgusting, I still need them to teach me driving. I'm ashamed to say "I need them" cos I need them against my will. You know they are cunning and 100% sure will swindle you and yet you let them be just because you need them to teach you drive. Mel-chan actually once said I can change my tutor if I want to, but how can I be sure the others aren't the same? It wouldn't be that easy too...

Why can't I have other people who I know teach me instead (like some countries)?
Why don't they have that option here in Malaysia?



I just hope everything ended quickly.

Just click the # part...

# What's Your Power Bird?
Wow. That's kind of far-fetched (although I do try to be that way). Maybe it will happen to the future me... (hopefully!)

#The Keys to Your Life
Erm... okay. I like that the result is logic. But the explanation...

#Are You Snobby?
I'm not? That's good to know.

#Are You a Showoff?
Wow. I think I can believe this one now...I've seen the signs. LOL.

#Are You Boring or Interesting?
Hmmm... to people who know me: Is this true? (kind of far-fetched, IMO).

Bummer! Driving test - FAIL! 

This is composed under a slight emotionally unstable situation... It’s long so you can skip it.

I have totally lost it - I'm officially the dumbest among fools! I let those opportunities went past me, just like that! Three times already!

My actions were despicable – I know! – and my parents deserve to be mad with me. Remember my post in April? Ahh. Those days… were full of sweet dreams. You wish to be something, didn’t work hard enough for it, then in the end you don’t get to be what you wish to be. I always act so weird, I don’t know myself now anymore.

When I was in Primary 6, I worked hard for my UPSR. I was confident getting all As (5A). Most of the time, my style of studying was going through past years papers and similar exercises. That have always worked for me. I didn’t even finish read the notes in text books or reference books. But at the same time, I was a TV drama addict. I love watching chinese serial dramas on TV. That’s when my parents always nag me. Stop watching, go study. I think they, seeing that I’m not diligent enough, must had no expectations of me getting good grades for UPSR. Then, the results were out. 4As and a B. I was disappointed, but they seem okay with it. That must be start of all these.

Next, in secondary school… I aimed for 7As in PMR. The same style of studying still worked for me. I read little but did many exercises. Yes. In the end, I got what I want. At that time, things were to get even worse. SPM. I call my Form 4 and 5 years my black years. I believe I was having some kind of depression at that time, but I didn’t meet anyone to confirm it.

While everyone is enjoying their lives (they seemed to had it all balanced between work and play), I was having a hard time. I couldn’t cope with the new life. Being a [text/reference books] non-reader for years, I was shocked with the amount of “notes” I had to read (and to re-write…again). Okay. Fine. Organize them so that every day I would read a little bit so that I didn’t feel too overwhelmed. Wrong! I thought through things like that, but didn’t act on it. I kept procrastinating. I kept giving myself reasons to not study. I’m tired. I’ll do it later. Reasons, reasons until there’s no need for reasons anymore. I would just leave my books and went to sleep. Committing suicide was never in my mind…although, there were times I wished I would never wake up from my sleep and remained comatose for some period. Yeah. Oddly, I keep looking forward to what life would offer. I didn’t think the situation would get better… I just think that I would lead a good and exciting life in the future, and I anticipate that. I can still relate to that part of me now. Death isn’t going to help.

As expected, my SPM results weren’t that good. At least, not good enough to apply for what I wanted to study. I decided to try again with STPM. I rejected the two-year matriculation (in Labuan) offer to get into Form 6. I rejected the offer to study Computer Science in a college (it was the UPU thing). People called me crazy when I told them (and maybe stupid at my back). I didn’t care. As long as I got what I want. I enjoyed the Form 6 life. Well, the teachers were as fresh as us… we were the 1st batch of Form 6 in that school. Their inexperienced ways might had contributed a bit to our idleness. Mostly it came from our foolishness. Fast-forward. Exam day. I suddenly (and finally) realised it’s happening for real. Exam day! Did I prepared as I’d planned? Oh, no? No. I didn’t. I was startled by this little voice that confirmed I didn’t study enough for the BIG exam. No time to think why… my mind just straight away decided: “Retake next year's.”

So, next year – 2008. I think I already mentioned that my results weren’t any better than the 2007’s ones. All had been said in the post way back then. Last year, I rejected an offer to study Metallurgy. I’m not proud of it (although it may sound interesting to talk about in a class reunion next time when I’m successful)… Certainly, it isn’t something to be proud about. Anyway. It’s only when I’ve let go the dream, I could think without pressure. I will study something else, as long as I’ve interest in them. Here enters the subject of Social Science, Anthropology.

Putting that aside for a while… my parents are mad with me now because they seem to see me as someone who kept changing mind or [maybe] clueless of what I want. We received news about the Indonesian university I talked about last April. There’ll be an entrance exam this June 15th in UM. They were busy checking out prices for the flight from Kota Kinabalu to Kuala Lumpur. As the date approaches, the prices get higher. Which worries me a lot. Yes. Of course, I want to try… but I’m afraid of the consequences. What if the money spent would result in nothing? But then maybe I could make it… then here comes another thing – I’m not interested in studying in an Indonesian university (I told my parents that). I’m surprised with myself – after all those selfish things I’d done, I can still have the knack to be picky – I don’t deserve to reject anything anymore but… I can’t let myself be in a place I’m not comfortable with.

Another worrying issue is I might not even get what I want for UPU (I want to study in UMS so badly).

*sigh*

I know I’m not making much sense in this post… I’m not even sure if I’ve made my point or maybe I didn’t have any points at all. I’m just throwing out anything I have in mind – it’s so crowded in there!



It’s really obvious now that I need a major change of personality.

June! I'm in blogging mood for this month.

Although I only posted twice last month (it's just two days ago!)... I practically [micro]-blogged on Twitter almost everyday. Well, of course, my tweets weren't really anything important or read-worthy... but when I just don't feel like blogging on Blogger (the unpopular May *sigh*), I turn to Twitter because it's easier to blog in only 140 characters (or less). I found out about Plurk from a an ex-classmate's blog, and I considered for a few days whether to register for that too (or worst, switching.) But I realise I like it simple... I don't think I'm a Twitter addict [yet.] So I haven't experience the "withdrawal" effects if Twitter is down.

I joined Twitter in April... and this was among the things I expect when I started tweeting:

Oh yeah. I also think it's amusing to look back at what I'd tweeted . It's like my own mini diary or journal. It's perfect for those who don't want to blog a long post or don't bother to write little things (e.g. I'm watching...) in their diaries (like me). If I'm away from computer and internet connection, I can still micro-blog before blogging the real thing in my blog.

And it works fine for me.

Most of my tweets were meaningless (yeah, I have a very unexciting life). Who would want to know the mundane details of my life? ... Well, actually I do. It's turning more like my [real] online diary. I see the future me thinking : "Where was I on this day? Oh yeah. I went there." and (maybe) re-living the moments.

It's live diary-writing!

I thought the same thing about blogging few years ago, but I still started blogging, don't I? Why would twittering be a different thing? I'm starting to abandon my real physical diary because some things/events could be summarised in only a few words virtually. Though, I admit, everything lengthy will go to this blog and anything very personal will stay in the physical diary. They have their own "platforms".

One more thing. I'm aware of the Twitter vs RSS (I just recently read this) thing. Maybe I haven't really immerse myself in the Twitter world... but I do subscribe to some Twitterer's RSS (the RSS link in their Twitter site) in my Google Reader. Why? Because that's the first place I check when I surf the internet. I like to read everything I subscribed to in one place without having to open the websites one by one. But then.. I'm not really a computer-savvy kind of person. I tend to stick to things I'm familiar with and fond of (and maybe simplistic). I don't subscribe to every Twitterers I follow... [Using] RSS seems convenient for me to "follow" those I don't want to follow (but still want to read their tweets). I'm weird but that's how things are for now. I guess I only like to "observe"...if I don't have anything to say (contribute) I won't give any comments (I'm still trying to stop that habit though).

From the start, I don't expect anyone to follow me... well, except those I know personally (like ex-classmates, ex-schoolmates, friends, family...) I know some of my followers (Wow. That's so awkward for me to say) are expecting me to follow them back. Unless I'm interested with what they tweet, I won't follow them back. Yeah, sure it's exciting to know "someone (now) is following you" on Twitter...but I do wonder why? Because they searched for a word(s) and it led them to my tweets? Actually I'm a bit glad that there's no more link to the "public timeline" on my sidebar (although it still exists)...


Anyway.

I'm still searching for a way to display my tweets at this blog which satisfies me... And although they are meaningless, I still want to, well, have a back-up of my tweets (preferably in pdf format). I also think it would be nice if there's monthly archives corner etc where I can view my tweets by months they were posted (but that may make things complicated, though...)



Yeah... I'm still exploring.