One day...

Posted in: 2009 posts | blog

...I accidentally clicked on IE7 in the quicklaunch menu. I actually seldom use IE. I f I'm not using Google Chrome, I would be using Opera (prefers Opera to Firefox). But we have all the other three installed anyways in this computer my family uses - each family members use different internet browser. Okay. Back to the story. So I accidentally opened IE. Suddenly a thought hit me - "Why not see my blog in IE?"

I forgot that sometimes how you see your blog might not be what other people see in their internet browser.

~~Here's what I saw in four browsers...~~
Imageshack dead links removed.

It looks perfectly in all browsers except IE. It seems that the ul code I'm using in my sidebar is not working in IE. The random quote works though (although the appearance is different). Weird.

Too lazy to find out why it's happening...

Time: 2009-03-27T13:12:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , blog

Oddish Mood

Posted in: 2009 posts | Angry | Life | Me.

Doumo arigatou, ne... Mel-chan. ･:*:･:(ﾉ'∀`*):･:*:･
And yes, yes, yes - I'll fill in any forms I could get my hands on!

*attempts a nobuta-smile*

I'm feeling better... Still feels the urge to cry but generally speaking, I think I'm okay.

I tried several things to make my anger go away (I believe the sadness will fade away eventually... anger, on the other hand, isn't something that I can handle greatly)...

Wanna know?

I printed out a short note for the murderer (and put it out the gate of the house)... I want the murderer to feel guilty and know that we (my sister and me) ARE angry. The note looks have something like
YOU’LL NEVER GET A GOOD LIFE AFTER THIS.
and
I HOPE YOU’LL DIE THE SAME WAY.

But, in the end, I removed it because it could jeopardize my family... *sigh*

I'm also thinking of cutting my hair... (do you ever wonder why people want to cut their hair when they are under stress? I think it's because that's one simple thing that can show us a "change"... At least there's one thing you are in control of...)

I also torture my piano and my ears. I found this "truth" arrangement that I'm able to play on the piano. I do play with flaws here and there... but mostly all in fortissimo or just forte. It was surprisingly refreshing and stress-relieving... The "downs" of it was I abandoned the pieces (they were too cheery) I'm supposed to practice for class.

But one thing I really need to apologise for is "abandoning" my friends.

There's supposed to be a form 6 reunion last Sunday. I didn't go because my family returned to kampong to visit my granny. But with the state of mind I was in at that time, I might not go anyway...

I didn't reply much to the smses I received these few days. I hope that everyone isn't going to be very mad with me...

Life goes on.

Time: 2009-03-24T00:16:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Angry , Life , Me.

Sad and Angry.

I still can't believe that she's gone.

It's so surprising...

I find consolation in getting angry at the murderer(s)...

Blue has a new meaning.

I'm so hurt... and I confessed, I'm in an unforgiving state of mind.

I'M VERY ANGRY.

*smiles bitterly*
Two positive thing I've learnt from this incident...

My neighbourhood is evil.
Maybe it wasn't a blue Avanza after all.
Maybe the neighbour that informed us was the murderer.
Maybe it's a blue Avanza.
Our left and right neighbours are evil people. Evil creatures.
They smoke and they throw the cigarette into our lawn.
They want to kill my family... and our lungs.

People are naturally bad.
I know that I myself isn't a perfectly good person.
People are naturally bad.
Never assume someone is kind until you see their evil side.
People are naturally bad.

I miss my cat.
I'm very angry.
I'm in my cranky mood - I'll might not care what I'll say to you.
I'm in my sensitive mode. I'll burst out crying no matter when and where.

An excerpt from a post made in 2008
There might be people who wonder why death of a non-human could affect a human so much (My younger brother cried, no..., sobbed, because he saw the cat died during her last moments. He refused to go to school.) I guess, maybe it has something to do with familiarity. Something you already get used to see, touch, hear etc everyday suddenly is not there anymore. In short, we feel their absence because they were present in our life.

I can't sleep in my room these days. I will cry remembering that she was there.

I miss her so much.
I really, really miss her.

Time: 2009-03-22T21:01:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Angry , Death , Life , Me. , Self-talk

I Love You, Kuro...

Posted in: 2009 posts | Angry | Life | Personal Thoughts | Self-talk

My black cat died today.

Kuro is the most intelligent cat I ever met.

Do animals go to heaven when they die?

I hope so. I'm sure she will be happy there.

What a difference a day made.

She was still lingering in my room last night.

A neighbour said a blue car hit her in the midnight.

I was still awake at that time...

Why didn't I look out the window?
Why didn't I know about it earlier?

This sadness is hard to be translated into words.

I hate blue Avanzas'.

Time: 2009-03-20T12:31:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Angry , Life , Personal Thoughts , Self-talk

Silly Music

Posted in: 2009 posts | Arashi 嵐 | Ohno Satoshi 大野智 | Random-ness | Self-talk

Stolen from phil_knall who stole this from elin.
Found this. Thought I'll try it too with my mp3 player.
First Try.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY.
Kotoba Yori Taisetsu Na Mono by Arashi

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Around the World + Go! Sora by Monkey Majik

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Believe In Me by Demi Lovato

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Best Friend by NEWS

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Brand New Day, Brand New Life by V6

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE, IN GENERAL?
Buses and Trains by Bachelor Girl

CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
Buses and Trains (Alternate version) by Bachelor Girl

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Call My Name Bi Shang Yan, Mo Nian San Bian by 183 Club and 7 Flowers

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Change the World by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
CHERISH by NEWS

NAME YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY:
Dakishimetai by Tamaki Hiroshi

WHAT IS 2+2?
Dasenai Tegami by V6

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE?
Fiesta by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Flavor of Life by Utada Hikaru

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Flavor of Life -Ballad Version- by Utada Hikaru

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Fly Again by NEWS

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANECDOTE?
Fly Me to the Moon (In Other Words) by Utada Hikaru

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Forever by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Gotta Find You by Joe Jonas

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I'll Be There for You by The Rembrandts

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Fuyu no Nioi by Arashi

WHAT WILL YOU PLAY TO YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR?
Hanabi by Mr. Children

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS YOUR LAST DANCE?
Happiness by Arashi

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hero by Arashi

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Higher Stage by Fukuyama Masaharu

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Do by Cyndi Wang

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I Don't Feel the Same by Thomas Godoj

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I give smile to you by V6

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
I Like It by KAT-TUN

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
If it Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
I.ZA.NA.I.ZU.KI by NEWS

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Key of Life by Nakamaru Yuichi (KAT-TUN)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Kimi e to by Tamaki Hiroshi

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Kiss shite by KOH+

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Life by Nakashima Mika

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Love So Sweet by Arashi

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Lovebug by Jonas Brothers

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW?
lovin life by Funky Monkey Babys

WHAT'S YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Lucky by Ashily

WHO'S ON FIRST?
Magical Smile Mo Fa by 183 Club

IS THERE SOMETHING WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU?
Mejirushi no Kioku by V6

ANY FURTHER THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?
MOLA by NEWS

Second Try. Shuffle mode (which was why some songs were repeated.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY.
Gomen ne Juliet by Yamashita Tomohisa

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Hero by Arashi

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Planetarium by Otsuka Ai

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I.ZA.NA.I.ZU.KI by NEWS

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Saviour in the dark by JAM PROJECT

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE, IN GENERAL?
The Scientist by Coldplay

CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
Oretachi no Seishun by Hey! Say! JUMP

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Reason by Hoobastank

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
To Me by Survival Company

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
lovin life by FUNKY MONKEY BABYS

NAME YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY:
Dakishimetai by Tamaki Hiroshi (same)

WHAT IS 2+2?
realize by melody.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE?
You by KAT-TUN

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Pure Love Zhen Ai by 183 Club

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Picture Perfect by Monkey Majik

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
ordinary by NEWS

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANECDOTE?
I Don't Feel the Same by Thomas Godoj

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Mola by NEWS

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
truth by Arashi

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
On the Line by Demi Lovato feat. The Jonas Brothers

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Aeng Mu Sae Parrot by HowL

WHAT WILL YOU PLAY TO YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR?
Our Time is Here by Demi Lovato, Meaghan Martin, Aaryn Doyle

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS YOUR LAST DANCE?
Mi Gong by Yu Hao Wei

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Call My Name Bi Shang Yan Mo Nian San Bian by 183 Club and 7 Flowers

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
You by KAT-TUN (repeat)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ling De Ling Wu by Liu Jia Yue Duan

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Aitakute by Monkey Majik

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Forever by NEWS

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
We Can Make It! by Arashi

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono by Arashi

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Flavor of Life -Ballad Version- by Utada Hikaru

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Hoshi wo Mezashite by NEWS

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Allegro Cantabile by SUEMITSU & THE SUEMITH

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Sayaendou by NEWS

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Perhaps Love by HowL and J

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
You by KAT-TUN (repeat again)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Happiness by Arashi

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW?
I Do by Cyndi Wang

WHAT'S YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
someday for somebody by Kamenashi Kazuya (KAT-TUN)

WHO'S ON FIRST?
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

IS THERE SOMETHING WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU?
Prisoner of Love by Utada Hikaru

ANY FURTHER THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?
MOLA by NEWS (same)

Time: 2009-03-11T09:47:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Arashi 嵐 , Ohno Satoshi 大野智 , Random-ness , Self-talk

A very, very random post.

Mel-chan said to me...

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation) Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.

I like seeing Jun-pyo being afraid of bugs (cockroach!). I dread them too.

I haven't read my KPP book.

I think I'm falling in love with him again. Oh. Piano (okay, keyboard.)!

I did this online quiz a few days ago.
[Removed dead quiz link]

My results were:

Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.	I don't know about the interesting part... but I do realise I'm always hiding. I always lamented how no people can understand me and yet I always didn't give them the chance.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.	Hmmm.
The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.	Me, straightforward? I'm still working on that. I do believe honesty is the best policy, and the policy only applies to people you want to associate for a long period of time.
Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.	I like knowing things.
The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.	So true. I can't work as everything! I have to choose and focus on that one!
How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.	Oh, yes, true!
What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.	True and false at the same time. I don't think I tried very hard to be accepted.
Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.	I'm full of energy and I tend to be over-confident. Not good. I love the unpredictable part because that's what I have always been.

I love reading Jurassic Park!

Someone subscribed to my images in photobucket and I don't know why. There's no proper photos there.

Okay. Time to focus!

Time: 2009-03-11T07:24:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , at random , Delayed Rebellious Phase (Cringeworthy) , Learning to Drive , Me. , online quiz , Random-ness

KPP

Posted in: 2009 posts | Friends | Learning to Drive | Life | Me.

A tiring day of doing nothing but sitting and listening.

It's my own fault, actually. I slept so late last night even though I know I need to get up early because my driving tutor will come to pick me up. I was sleepy during the first session and I kept dozing off during the second session. It didn't help when the "talkers" talked too much, too many "beating about the bush" talks - it seems to take forever to reach the point.

*sigh* But it's compulsory... anyway. I'm given a week to digest the "text book" (as the second talker said it) and give a call to my tutor when I'm done.

I'm feeling a bit weird... okay maybe more of a mix of two or three kind of feelings. I mean - "I'm learning a new skill!"... and yet I'm not sure if I can pull it off.

It sure made me feel adult-like. (I'm twenty and my sister still thinks me childish.)

Oh, yeah. Initially, I was supposed to join this KPP thing with my nakama, Ren-chan. But in the end, I ended up learning to drive with Mel-chan's ex-tutor.

I feel so lucky because Mel-chan shared her experience with me - so I kind of know what to expect from that tutor.

Time: 2009-03-07T19:43:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Friends , Learning to Drive , Life , Me.

Imperfect is perfect?

Need to get this out.

Yesterday, Mel-chan & I had a brief discussion about Nobuta wo Produce. She said something that I've posted here before, with an opposite view. I didn't remember it yesterday so I didn't talk about it with her.

I've always love the friendship theme in "Nobuta"... I love how three different people with different characteristics (whom you'll unlikely see to be friends) become best friends. They seem to complete each other's gap; they brought out the best in each other... listen to each other's problems (indirectly) and inner feelings. Such friendship to exist in such condition was a factor that amused me greatly. Which was why I was kind of surprised that she said the story isn't deep enough. But then... I had the advantage to watch it when it was still airing. That time, Hana Yori Dango Returns haven't materialized. I remembered comparing Nobuta with Hana Yori Dango (Season 1) in a post made in 2006... It was a brief review on doramas I watched at that time.

Nobuta wo Produce [4.8/5]--- Where did the 0.2 go? They didn't make Akira & Nobuta together (or at least give some hint that Nobuta likes him) so that's where the 0.2 went. I tried making my mum watch this but she said she's tired of school doramas (she watched Gokusen with me).. But actually, this dorama is different, although it's setting is at school, in my humble opinion, it's more of a friendship dorama (platonic friendship) which makes it unique & different. Shuji reminds me of a [childhood] friend of mine in school.. like that thinking of winning the 'games' in everyday life, having so many masks put on your face.. she really similar to Shuji (..chotto.. then that means I'm [her?] Akira then? cos most of the time I can see through her like Akira... AKIRA SHOCK!)...

About the ending: LOL...it really shocked me seeing Akira at Shuji's new school, I thought it was only an illusion. But it's really him (& kakkoi as usual... :PP).. I don't quite like the idea of them being separated but it's Nobuta's wish so...I'm going to accept as what it is. Having Akira & Shuji in the same school was not a bad idea.

Hana Yori Dango[4/5]--- I was waiting for this last year (didn't pay much attention to Nobuta) & this proved to be a very compact version (yet good) of the manga itself. I never read the manga fully but I know there are some scenes in the manga not included in the live-action version. Some ardent fans of the manga are not happy with it, but seeing it from the entertainment point of view, one can't deny that the production/filming unit made a great job for this. What attracted me most was MatsuJun & Oguri Shun's performance in this dorama. MatsuJun's Tsukasa (aka Dao Ming Si) was IMO more lively than Jerry Yan's. I like Tsukasa & I like both actor's portrayal but MatsuJun's did well with the part of giving appropriate expressions which Jerry somewhat lack of. The same goes to Oguri Shun's Hanazawa Rui (aka Hua Ze Lei). I never like Vic Chou's Hua Ze Lei in Meteor Garden (although I find him likeable in the second Meteor Garden)..& I was always rooting for Jerry's Dao Ming Si but when it came to Hana Yori Dango.. it's quite hard to choose which one to root for..

About the ending: I actually cried watching the last episode! haha.. esp the part where Tsukasa leaving her behind.

Addendum:
*I like Nobuta wo Produce more than Hana Yori Dango because the NWP's plot seems thicker & new (to me) than HYD
* I really think there should be a Special Dorama for both of this dorama...*hoping*

See that red sentence? I was comparing Nobuta with the first HYD. Surprisingly, I like watching the second season of HYD more than the first one. But I don't think I'll change my initial opinion... (Hey, that was my very first impression of Nobuta! I couldn't dismiss it just like that.)

Maybe our difference in opinions stemmed from our interests - what we like to see in a drama or character - because for example, in Nodame Cantabile she loves Chiaki and hates Nodame while I'm the other way round. I think I've developed the love for [seems] imperfect, dark horse-like characters since I watched Trick and later, Nobuta. I don't even like Naoki (Itazura na Kiss)/Zhi Shu (It Started with a Kiss) and finding it hard why almost everyone in the dramas I mentioned is head over heels in love with this character (but then, I don't like Kotoko/Xiang Qin too... which is a whole different matter to discuss about - but I won't deny that Ariel Lin is a talented actress/singer).

Nevertheless, I'm enjoying these kind of discussions. I always watch dramas and develop many opinions about it but don't have anyone to "throw" it at... Even though Mel-chan have different sentiments with mine - which I professed, wasn't easy at first to accept - it's very refreshing hearing an opinion about something I'm familiar with from a different point of view.

The best thing is it makes me to blog more.

Time: 2009-03-06T10:25:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: # Nobuta wo Produce , 2009 posts , Friends , Personal Thoughts , トリック , 山下智久

Of car, cake and crying...

Erm. It's March. I will start my driving classes this month. After postponing for almost 2 years (form 6) and another year (STPM retake)... Hopefully, I'll get to drive my family car this year. And no, I don't have any hopes of having a new car. I want to know how to drive so that I can lessen my father's burden of being the only driver in my family...
Okay. Maybe also because of the "cool" factor ...
Oh, come on. I see someone younger than me (maybe 1-2 years) at the church... driving around already. Even though you didn't hear it yourself, you know people will be talking like this: "Oh, <> is driving already?"...

Yeah. I'm envy of them because I haven't done it yet. Big deal.
---
This month is my younger sister's birthday month. Of course. I've prepared what I want to get her already. Considering that I'm someone who always doesn't care about these things.. it's something I'm proud of. Oh well. I said before that I want to build myself again... and this is one of the steps : Strengthen the bonds between family/friends and me.

I received a "Thank You" video + note from Mel-chan.
Who's supposed to thank who? I think I received more than what I gave her! All those years I wasted... I think I need to make up for all those years I didn't give her birthday presents. She is so good to me!
---
Oh yeah. Because of a situation, a desperate situation... I had to step inside my old school once again. Oh. It's a big thing for me alright... I never returned there since SPM results day. Stupid, stupid me! I felt so ridiculous being there. I didn't meet anyone I know or who knows me. But it's still a weird and almost-maybe half-traumatizing moment.

I love that school, I really do. But I cannot forget what it did to me in form 5.

As I walked along the walkway, the past started to fill my head. Not that I saw visions... it's like having that same feeling like before when I walked to those familiar places. The "Bilik Gerakan" which used to be our class before we moved into a permanent class. The smelly toilets. Sweaty teenagers.

The desperate situation was as follows: My father was late. My sister (she called me on the cell phone) who had started to lose her patience decided that she'll be in the library waiting to return home with my brother at 3.30pm (it was around 1.30-2.00pm). But she was supposed to get ready to go to our music school around 4pm so if she return home that late, she wouldn't be able to take a rest. So my father insisted on taking her home. When we reached the school, she was nowhere near the gate. She was in the library. I urged my father to get in but he refused, saying that he didn't know where the library is and at the same time scolding me for not telling her to just wait (which is stupid me!). To cut the story short: Reluctantly I went inside the school and reached the library. I know I can't just go in like that, so with all the politeness left in me (I felt tense and angry at that time) I asked the Indian girl who's job that day was to be the library security guard [I'll remember her alright... She's on duty on Thursday, evening session. The date was Feb 26, 2009]
*This is a gist of our conversation.*

Me: Saya mahu cari orang bah ni. [I'm looking for someone.]
Girl: ~~Carilah~~. Carilah! [Look-lah... *what a lame translation*]

I know I'm an outsider and thus I'm not welcomed in there. I think she expected me to SHOUT OUT LOUD myself. Ehem. Do I have the authority to do that? I don't work as a librarian there.

Me: Jadi, boleh saya masuk? [So, can I come in?]
Girl: Eh, mana boleh. [Eh, cannot.]
Me(thoughts): You are really not helping.
Me: *looked at her disbelievingly, raised voice* Jadi, kau tolong carilah! [Then, you help me find-lah]
Then she called out my sister's name that I just told her.

From the way I was talking, it seems impolite... but that's how polite is in Sabah. [yeah, so, it's not polite enough. At least I didn't barge in like a mad woman.]

Well, everything ended [pretty] tensely. I became the one who nagged at my sister. And then my father continued the nagging in the car. Me? After going through these feelings: fear, tense, angry... I cried for maybe half an hour upon returning home. I always cry after something frightful and maddening at the same time happened to me. Not that I want to brag about it here, but I realise that I've lost control on that part of me... That day, I blamed myself for not knowing to drive because I could had pick my sister up because my father really had a busy day at his workplace (I was helping him temporarily so that's why I became involved in this problem). I cried my heart out because I think I'm the reason my family is breaking up. My mother is having a hard time at work because she had been given extra work (no salary raise) while everyone around her only have "simple" tasks to do. In my opinion, her boss is clearly taking advantage [in an unfair way] of my mother's capabilities. Why is the government sector [where my mother work at] so complicated? Everything they do seem reeeeaaaaally slow and time-wasting. Anyway. That contributed to my turmoil, "Why is this happening to my family?"

I refused to speak to anyone that evening.

And then everything became normal the next day.

Stupid, stupid me!
[I'm being a fool!...considering how much I had thought about while crying myself out.]

Time: 2009-03-03T12:49:00+08:00
Posted by RuYanda
Labels: 2009 posts , Family , Learning to Drive , Life , Me. , School

Fighting for Life

About Me

I'm predictably unpredictable, inconsistent, random & eccentric. Sometimes arrogant and silly. Always curious. Read that again without the snobbish tone.

「　Fighting For Life　」
Blogging since February 2005
RuYanda @ Ruth

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One day...

Oddish Mood

Sad and Angry.

I Love You, Kuro...

Silly Music

A very, very random post.

KPP

Imperfect is perfect?

Of car, cake and crying...

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